Firstly I hope nothing bad happened, this is also a good example I think of an individual scenario that represents the bigger picture in more ways than one.
I find it hard to understand why people are 'squeamish' about acknowledging that a 12/13 year old is thinking about sex. Does nobody remember being that age? Is there something about becoming a parent that wipes out those memories for some people?
I suspect it's because it blurs the boundaries some people put in their minds, which maintain that children are pure and innocent, and couldn't possibly have any curiosity about such matters right up until some arbitrary moment in their lives when they are suddenly full-fledged, sexual adults, rather than accept that development is a gradual process on a number of fronts.
Exactly what i was thinking ! You are almost certainly in puberty ( if female that's probably already started some time previously) your body is being flushed with hormones and of course sexual feelings happen....i find it amazing that some people are shocked/scared to acknowledge that this is so......so it follows that children need information before this starts, to protect and inform them.....one of the things that i found so heartbreaking in the grooming gangs issue was that so many of the girls though that this behaviour was 'normal' and to be 'expected'...lack of care and education leaving children vunerable (of course i am not saying it would have stopped it in any way).
I remember being that age and I remember not thinking about sex until I was older, probably not much older but certainly not around 12/13. Although your memory sometimes is never 100% accurate and you can remember things that you think you are certain of but are actually wrong. I am trying to remember in a concentrated (both meanings of the word) way about when I was that age and what thoughts I had. I'm guessing that if I have remembered correctly (I was a bit behind maybe a couple or three years in some things on a personal level but more advanced in some things academically) it might be more the exception than the rule but everyone is different. I don't know where it comes from really that I'd rather think that 12/13 year olds are still thinking about their toys or such or more innocent things, I guess that's changing more and more from a longtime ago and even more recently.
Having had 3 sons it becomes quite obvious at some point that their penis is the best toy they've ever had....the idea that they should stay 'innocent' is pure garbage
I was not thinking about toys at that age. In Scotland 12/13 year olds are roughly S2, which is second year at high school. If you were into toys at that stage in my school you’d definitely have kept quiet about it. And that wasn't “recently”.
No, it doesn't work like that. We haven't fundamentally changed as organisms in tends of thousands of years - children now are no different, essentially, than children a generation ago. What can change is the environment. You almost certainly were having sexual thoughts, but in the absence of any framework into which to put those thoughts, they just floated around a bit and went away, until they came back.
I think this is good, to me it says that the parents if they get in first almost before schooling or society - it will stand the child in the best stead for understanding things and what's ok and also what isn't okay when it's to do with other adults. It is actually a bit bizarre I guess and a product of not having this that frank discussions now or individual words can still make me squeamishOne thing i am always happy about was that my mum was never phased by this...nothing was taboo and she always explained anything asked in an age appropriate way.....i could read very early and as i got older read everything including newspapers.....remember asking her what was "sexual intercourse ?" and it became a standing joke in my family about the time i went to her and asked what (spelling it out from where ever i'd found it) "cuni...cuni....cu-ni-lingus" meant
You're not alone in this. Which is why sex/relationship education in schools is important, as a backup option when parents are unwilling or unable to address this critically important aspect of child development.I think this is good, to me it says that the parents if they get in first almost before schooling or society - it will stand the child in the best stead for understanding things and what's ok and also what isn't okay when it's to do with other adults. It is actually a bit bizarre I guess and a product of not having this that frank discussions now or individual words can still make me squeamish
I'm thinking more slices of swiss cheese (a well-known safety model metaphor in the airline industry). The more slices you have, the less the likelihood of any of the holes lining up (the hole, in this metaphor, representing a failure of that particular "slice" to deliver suitable education).
I've said a few times that it is interesting to look at things from a different point of view and I understand how important it is for the child in the situation to know things are wrong. There can't be anything worse than the adult & like the ones in the original post to take advantage of the child not knowing it's wrong
I wouldn't want to get into an equivalence contest about what the "worst" thing could be, but yes - adults taking advantage of a child's ignorance and innocence is going to be way up there. Particularly since the harm done can be - and often is - lifelong.I've said a few times that it is interesting to look at things from a different point of view and I understand how important it is for the child in the situation to know things are wrong. There can't be anything worse than the adult & like the ones in the original post to take advantage of the child not knowing it's wrong
I agree, I think the last part of your post requires a lot more work. Like others have said I think - the fact that someone has to commit an offence to garner any reaction including getting help is shocking.
