Local Newspaper Headlines!

[cupid_stunt]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/09/30/squirrel-truck-fargo-bill-fischer/

Yellow-husked black walnuts crowded the insides of Bill Fischer’s truck. The foraged fare filled every vacant corner — packed tight behind the fenders, wedged between the engine parts, piled deep below the hood.

The Fargo, N.D., resident had returned from a four-day work trip earlier this month and anticipated the discovery. His neighbor’s walnut tree had just harvested, after all, and a furry visitor probably hoarded the round treasures somewhere safe — Fischer’s truck.
Since 2013, Fischer, 56, has dealt with the strange phenomenon every two years — the tree’s maturation cycle — and, without fail, a red squirrel selects Fischer’s Chevrolet Avalanche as its hideaway.

How strange.

 

[Badgers]

Gran And Friend Break Legs On Water Slide After Drunkenly Breaking Into Pool

They thought they'd have a late night laugh at Aldershot Lido, but it turned into a horror story

www.ladbible.com

 

[cupid_stunt]

"Don't do it - we're idiots," she said.

Yep, complete fucking twats.

 

[seeformiles]

Pineapple juice ruled out as the cause of Cowdenbeath mystery puddle

A FIFE councillor has vowed to get answers about a puddle of unidentified liquid in Cowdenbeath which was originally believed to be pineapple juice.

www.centralfifetimes.com

 

[cupid_stunt]

‘Frenzied’ foxes cause multi-thousand pound damage in Sussex car attacks

A group of Sussex residents say they are being plagued by frenzied foxes which have caused thousands of pounds worth of damage to their cars.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

 

[bluescreen]

Pineapple juice ruled out as the cause of Cowdenbeath mystery puddle

A FIFE councillor has vowed to get answers about a puddle of unidentified liquid in Cowdenbeath which was originally believed to be pineapple juice.

www.centralfifetimes.com

Perfect. I dare not read the story as it could only spoil it.

 

[josef1878 2.0]

 

[Badgers]

Any hash browns on board?

 

[hitmouse]

Gran And Friend Break Legs On Water Slide After Drunkenly Breaking Into Pool

They thought they'd have a late night laugh at Aldershot Lido, but it turned into a horror story

www.ladbible.com

Obligatory:

 

[quiet guy]

Any hash browns on board?

No but lots of roasted potato

 

[Badgers]

Not really local but bonkers enough.

California man dies after being beaten by people he tried to hit with truck | California | The Guardian

Deceased man was asked to leave business, police say, before he suffered blunt force trauma and died at scene

amp.theguardian.com

 

[hitmouse]

Probably the most controversial thing happening in Newcastle at the moment:

Fines warning as infamous Newcastle bus lane camera returns

Council bosses have announced they will start collecting fines from drivers caught in the northbound bus lane on John Dobson Street from November 1

www.chroniclelive.co.uk

 

[Dogsauce]

Not really local but bonkers enough.

California man dies after being beaten by people he tried to hit with truck | California | The Guardian

Deceased man was asked to leave business, police say, before he suffered blunt force trauma and died at scene

amp.theguardian.com

Someone probably asked him to put on a mask or something like that, people have treated such requests as life or death matters before in the land of toxic childish bullshit.

 

[petee]

at it again ...

Viking longboat knocks out power supply in Kirkcudbright

The replica vessel was part of celebrations for the arrival of a treasure hoard in Kirkcudbright.

www.bbc.com

 

[cupid_stunt]

at it again ...

Viking longboat knocks out power supply in Kirkcudbright

The replica vessel was part of celebrations for the arrival of a treasure hoard in Kirkcudbright.

www.bbc.com

What a bullshit headline.

SP Energy Network said only one customer had been affected and they hoped to have it repaired by 17:00.

One house, not the town.

 

[Indeliblelink]

Kirstie Allsopp left stranded in High Wycombe after running out of petrol

Kirstie Allsopp was left stranded in High Wycombe after her she ran out of fuel amid the petrol shortage.

www.bucksfreepress.co.uk

 

[Artaxerxes]

 

[Artaxerxes]

Kirstie Allsopp left stranded in High Wycombe after running out of petrol

Kirstie Allsopp was left stranded in High Wycombe after her she ran out of fuel amid the petrol shortage.

www.bucksfreepress.co.uk

Is High Wycombe ok?

 

[existentialist]

Is High Wycombe ok?

Half of it has now been sold to a particularly choosy couple...

 

[Mordi]

This summary is one for the ages;

 

[weepiper]

 

[seeformiles]

Courtesy of Popbitch

Pub landlady has huge portrait of herself made out of Yorkshire puddings

A pub landlady who 'loves Yorkshire puddings so much' has had a huge portrait of herself made out of the legendary Yorkshire delicacy.

www.yorkshirepost.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

Travis singer Fran Healy shows off wounds after sausage dog attack in Hollywood

Travis singer Fran Healy shows off wounds after dog attack in Hollywood

www.dailyrecord.co.uk

 

[Artaxerxes]

 

[quiet guy]

Novel marketing strategy, come here for breakfast and see the doggers

 

[josef1878 2.0]

 

[seeformiles]

 

[Badgers]

This gun taken ‘off the streets’ by Beds police caused no end of mirth – 17 on-target responses

Over on Twitter the good people of Bedfordshire police shared news of their latest proactive operations to tackle serious and organised crime. And very serious stuff and hugely important work it is too, obviously. Yet there was something about the picture of the gun that they shared that...

www.thepoke.co.uk

 

[Artaxerxes]

 

[hash tag]

Oh shit! Thank goodness it wasn't on Madge's gaff.
BBC News - Plane drops sewage on Windsor man in his garden

Plane drops sewage on Windsor man in his garden

Councillor Karen Davies says she was "horrified" when told of the incident by one of her constituents.

www.bbc.co.uk