Urban75 Home About Offline BrixtonBuzz Contact

Curfew For Men

Clair De Lune said:
Exactly...so few men on this thread have admitted to having mates with dodgy attitudes. And yet these men are everywhere...they gotta be someone's mate.
Click to expand...

I suspect that a lot of men just don’t see it, don’t notice. It’s not remarkable - not been remarked on - so it’s not on their radar, or hasn’t been til recently.

Hopefully, conversations like this one will help men be more aware of it, alert to it.
 
Clair De Lune said:
Yep instead of how likely it is that one of your mates has harassed, sexually assaulted or raped a woman. Cos me and all my mates have been raped and those guys had mates too believe me.
Click to expand...

A friend of mine was assaulted at a party quite a few years ago by someone we all liked and who seemed a totally decent guy. Out of the whole group of friends, all but one never had anything to do with him again. There will be cases the group doesn’t know about though unless the group is a massive statistical outlier, I suppose. :(

Regarding the one who stayed in contact with him, I have no idea whether he knew of any red flags beforehand, he had known him since childhood.
 
Clair De Lune said:
Exactly...so few men on this thread have admitted to having mates with dodgy attitudes. And yet these men are everywhere...they gotta be someone's mate.
Click to expand...
It’s a fucking bunch of men. A lot of guys act differently when they’re not with the wives, girlfriends, sisters etc. 1 in 10 men have bought sex and go to any city or even town and they’ll have a strip club. The number of guys I know who have been to a strip club on a lads night out/trip/stag is massive, it’s seen as a right of passage. Even now in 2021.
 
Clair De Lune said:
Exactly...so few men on this thread have admitted to having mates with dodgy attitudes. And yet these men are everywhere...they gotta be someone's mate.
Click to expand...
I used to go out with a big crew of regulars and there were two standout creeps - neither of which I have anything to do with these days, but I'm ashamed to admit, their behaviour didn't make much of an impression on me besides wincing at their actions at the time - not good enough for sure. There was also a well-known DJ who has been accused of assault and harrassment recently. He'd played various friends' parties and I'd been told of inappropriate comments towards female friends at the time. People (including myself) just laughed it off at the time - he was just seen as a ladies' man who said the odd outrageous thing. I'm glad it's come out and he may get his comeuppance, but fuck sake, we should have dealt with it collectively at the time.
 
Edie said:
It’s a fucking bunch of men. A lot of guys act differently when they’re not with the wives, girlfriends, sisters etc. 1 in 10 men have bought sex and go to any city or even town and they’ll have a strip club. The number of guys I know who have been to a strip club on a lads night out/trip/stag is massive, it’s seen as a right of passage. Even now in 2021.
Click to expand...

It gets a good bit worse than strip clubs too. :(
 
Blokes have to step up. It’s self awareness.

A few years ago after a great night out with a mate. I fell halfway down a flight of stairs drunk at Ealing Broadway Station and miraculously landed on my feet. It was like something out of a Hollywood stuntman’s routine. I was so amazed and pleased with myself I was all chatty and hyped up and happy. A woman looked at me and I smiled. She then screamed “get away from me”. It never dawned on me that I look a bit intimidating. But thinking about it, yeah I do. She probably didn’t see the fall. Just a lairy drunken man leering at her.

That was a bit of a watershed for me. Now I will give females a wide berth and plenty of space in public places. I avoid sitting near any lone females on public transport. I won’t speak to anyone unless they start up a conversation. If I see other blokes being a knob, I call it out. But I didn’t do those things twenty years ago. It’s a case of re-education.
 
Last edited:
chilango said:
Yeah.

I can't imagine any of my male friends doing any of this shit. But, statistically, over the years I must've had friends who did.
Click to expand...

I find this a difficult one because I know without a shadow of a doubt that had we never found about what happened in the case of my friend who was assaulted at that party (and assuming no other revelations), the man involved would now be coming over as the wokest guy in the room in any conversation on topics of the kind we are discussing here.
 
Orang Utan said:
I used to go out with a big crew of regulars and there were two standout creeps - neither of which I have anything to do with these days, but I'm ashamed to admit, their behaviour didn't make much of an impression on me besides wincing at their actions at the time - not good enough for sure. There was also a well-known DJ who has been accused of assault and harrassment recently. He'd played various friends' parties and I'd been told of inappropriate comments towards female friends at the time. People (including myself) just laughed it off at the time - he was just seen as a ladies' man who said the odd outrageous thing. I'm glad it's come out and he may get his comeuppance, but fuck sake, we should have dealt with it collectively at the time.
Click to expand...
Attitudes have definitely changed since the 90s. But trashpony put a really depressing account from one of her mates about her daughter and her experiences with lads her age. And it did make me think that maybe young girls do have it significantly worse than when we were young, and maybe it’s linked to ‘sexual liberation’ and porn.
 
Edie said:
Exactly. The street sex scene is thriving. The escort scene (covid not included) is good business, in calls and outcalls. Same as it ever was and ever will be.
Click to expand...

And the trafficking and the use of drug addiction as a form of control etc.etc.

I hope you’re wrong on the “ever will be” bit.
 
starfish2000 said:
That was a bit of a watershed for me. Now I will give females a wide berth and plenty of space in public places. I avoid sitting near any lone females on public transport. I won’t speak to anyone unless they start up a conversation. If I see other blokes being a knob, I call it out. But I didn’t do those things twenty years ago. It’s a case of re-education.
Click to expand...
This is just depressing tho. Do we actually want this?
 
Edie said:
Attitudes have definitely changed since the 90s. But trashpony put a really depressing account from one of her mates about her daughter and her experiences with lads her age. And it did make me think that maybe young girls do have it significantly worse than when we were young, and maybe it’s linked to ‘sexual liberation’ and porn.
Click to expand...
I think there’s a link. Laura Bates said in the talk I mentioned upthread that she’d spoken to boys who’d seen videos on free porn upload sites on phones from as young as 5. And some of them growing up thinking it’s normal to choke during sex, one she spoke about didn’t actually want to do it but just thought it was the done thing, leading him to break down during his first sexual encounter. It’s not just choking though, it’s normalising unwanted touching which in porn can lead to resigned acquiescence from the woman and then unrealistic sex afterwards. It’s grim alright
 
Edie I think it's okay for a man to be aware that some women feel intimidated or at risk. That is because they are aware that many men are harrassing and hurting women.

I would be grateful to starfish for not approaching me on a train late at night and I consider myself someone who can, for the most part, handle myself. I shouldn't have to 'handle' myself. I just want to get home, without incident or harm.
 
Last edited:
Rutita1 said:
Edie I think it's okay for a man to be aware that some women feel intimidated or at risk. That is because they are aware that many men are harrassing and hurting women.

I would be grateful to starfish for not approaching me on a train late at night and I consider myself someone who can, for the most part, handle myself. I shouldn't have to 'handle' myself.
Click to expand...
Yes, absolutely. Awareness is important. And not walking near a woman at night if possible, or sitting right beside her if there’s an alternative. But I wouldn’t want a world where men can’t interact normally, like there is a bit with men and kids now (if the man doesn’t have kids himself he might hesitate to pick a kid up whose fallen down). It’s a balance.
 
Orang Utan said:
I think there’s a link. Laura Bates said in the talk I mentioned upthread that she’d spoken to boys who’d seen videos on free porn upload sites on phones from as young as 5. And some of them growing up thinking it’s normal to choke during sex, one she spoke about didn’t actually want to do it but just thought it was the done thing, leading him to break down during his first sexual encounter. It’s not just choking though, it’s normalising unwanted touching which in porn can lead to resigned acquiescence from the woman and then unrealistic sex afterwards. It’s grim alright
Click to expand...

This is going to really fuck up a generation (at least) of kids’ sexual development.

Was on a bus once and some kids (I say kids - maybe 14 or 15 year old boys - in their school uniforms on the way home) were comparing pictures of various models they had on their phones - it was early on in the days of smartphones) - and I heard one of them remark that there was a certain curve along the top of the breast that really marked out the women he liked.
I knew he was talking about that curve that you only see in the case of silicone implants.
 
I've just seen this posted elsewhere. A lot of it has been mentioned on this thread already, but it sums it up reasonably well.

 
Edie said:
Yes, absolutely. Awareness is important. And not walking near a woman at night if possible, or sitting right beside her if there’s an alternative. But I wouldn’t want a world where men can’t interact normally, like there is a bit with men and kids now (if the man doesn’t have kids himself he might hesitate to pick a kid up whose fallen down). It’s a balance.
Click to expand...
I think then the discussion is about what is 'acting normally' because it seems that too many men think being a letch/groping/sexist banter is normal and that's why it continues to happen.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

ElizabethofYork
Men’s violence against women and girls is a national emergency
34 35 36 37 38
Replies
1K
Views
44K
The39thStep
The39thStep
mentalchik
Mentally ill people to get 'job coach' visits...
2 3 4
Replies
111
Views
4K
mentalchik
mentalchik
editor
International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against MEN
Replies
17
Views
1K
ViolentPanda
ViolentPanda
Dog_Voodoo
Tory Mark Menzies, who are these bad people?
2
Replies
43
Views
2K
Wilf
Wilf
Cloo
Three quarters of rape victims say police response damaged mental health
Replies
7
Views
829
equationgirl
equationgirl
Back
Top Bottom