ISIS fighter Ahmed Al-Jazrawi said: “Looking back, I think antagonising absolutely everyone in the world probably wasn’t the smartest move.
“The strong possibility of being killed by a US drone or dozens of other enemies definitely created recruitment challenges that don’t exist for, say, Asda.
“We also failed to sell the idea of living in a backward religious dictatorship. I think that’s a bit of a turn-off for people who don’t like being flogged all the time.”
Fellow jihadi Abdullah Mohammed said: “With hindsight, setting up a global Islamic state was overambitious. We should have started somewhere smaller, like Wales.
“I’d assumed we’d trigger the apocalypse and God would sort everything out, but it turns out ancient prophecies aren’t very reliable.”