I’m not suggesting that you are a radfem. But your starting point is the idea that the TERF subset of radfems need to be accommodated. That’s a political choice. They don’t in fact have to be accommodated. You want them to be, even though you realise that they can’t be without fucking over trans people. So it all seems complicated and impossible and you end up posting about how hard everything will be.
And no, I don’t think that transphobes should be listened to. I think that in any radical movement they should be given the choice of shutting up or fucking off. As you are aware though, most transphobes are men and this “listening to women” framing is just dishonest rhetoric meant to naturalize the views of a bizarre minority offshoot of radical feminism as the views of “women”.
You don’t have to agree with me about the desirability of accommodating bigots, but it really shouldn’t be controversial to say that accommodating them isn’t an actual necessity. The anarchist movement, such as it is, will get along fine without, for instance, the Green Party politician whose deliberate provocations started this whole row.