PM Boris Johnson - monster thread for a monster twat

[two sheds]

Well if there's no wallpaper and no expensive refurbishment, what happened to all the money they've claimed for on the invoices? Eh?

 

[Artaxerxes]

Can we all chip in for a salad bowl

I’m available for commissions if they like

 

[Raheem]

There's a reason Boris Johnson doesn't have a salad bowl.

 

[BCBlues]

There's a reason Boris Johnson doesn't have a salad bowl.

His hairdresser uses it when she cuts his hair

 

[existentialist]

His hairdresser uses it when she cuts his hair

Pretty sure she uses a colander...

 

[oryx]

Can we all chip in for a salad bowl

I heard that live and LOL'ed!

She also excused him staying on as PM, saying that in the US they elect the new president in November and they take up office in January. Hence there's an orderly transition.

Now there's a woman who's never seen Four Hours At The Capitol.

 

[8ball]

She also excused him staying on as PM, saying that in the US they elect the new president in November and they take up office in January. Hence there's an orderly transition.

I think the word 'elect' might also be an important one there.

 

[Voley]

Derby Telegraph has this moving poetic tribute to our erstwhile leader:

 

[billy_bob]

Derby Telegraph has this moving poetic tribute to our erstwhile leader:

View attachment 331783

You'd have a hard time writing a worse poem than that deliberately.

 

[Plumdaff]

Derby Telegraph has this moving poetic tribute to our erstwhile leader:

View attachment 331783

I read that as Daily Telegraph and it still works.

 

[Raheem]

You'd have a hard time writing a worse poem than that deliberately.

You'd have to resort to commissioning Bono.

 

[contadino]

You'd have a hard time writing a worse poem than that deliberately.

Yeah, one typewriter, 20 minutes, one monkey.

 

[eatmorecheese]

Derby Telegraph has this moving poetic tribute to our erstwhile leader:

View attachment 331783

Fuck me that's... so shit.

Did Dorries write this? Who is Sandra Bond?

 

[not-bono-ever]

Bond, Sandra Bond

 

[steeplejack]

Derby Telegraph has this moving poetic tribute to our erstwhile leader:

View attachment 331783

c'mon this is clearly a made up pisstake. Some junior hack was half cut in the afternoon and made it up.

 

[bluescreen]

Fuck me that's... so shit.

Did Dorries write this? Who is Sandra Bond?

Well, that's a rabbit hole....

(I thought it was going to be a pisstake too.)

 

[Pickman's model]

Fuck me that's... so shit.

Did Dorries write this? Who is Sandra Bond?

James' sister

 

[LeytonCatLady]

You'd have to resort to commissioning Bono.

Oi! #AngryU2FanAlert

 

[Wilf]

Derby Telegraph has this moving poetic tribute to our erstwhile leader:

View attachment 331783

I take it that Sandra is the love child of William McGonagall and John Major?

 

[Raheem]

Oi! #AngryU2FanAlert

"Ireland's pain is now in Ukraine"

I can't be bothered to Google, but I think that's it.

Sorry and all, but what a fucking moron.

 

[Ming]

I actually think that’s intended. Democratic norms and checks and balances limit barbarians like the Tory and republican parties in what they’d like to do. So it‘s perfectly predictable that they’d want to undermine them by outrageous displays of putting two fingers up and flouting them. Makes the voters think ‘what’s the point in voting???’. Perfect.

Just replying to myself regarding the 'two fingers up' bit.
Only one presently. But I'm sure they'll get to two. I guess if you follow the trend eventually they'll end up calling their own voters 'thick BRITISH (!) cunts'. And still get voted in.

 

[Ming]

 

[JimW]

Little bit ISIS.

 

[bluescreen]

I take it that Sandra is the love child of William McGonagall and John Major?

Not really fair, as Major can't stand Johnson. More like E Jarvis Thribb.

Spoiler: image

(Still can't get alt text to ackle. Image shows Sandra Bond in a YouTube fiction session, socks drying in the background.)

 

[mojo pixy]

You'd have a hard time writing a worse poem than that deliberately.

There once was a poet from Plymouth,
Whose limericks never did rhyme.
They also didn't scan
And they weren't particularly funny
And the last line always kind of went on and on as he realised too late that he'd missed the point. Again.

 

[Pickman's model]

You'd have a hard time writing a worse poem than that deliberately.

No, you wouldn't. The pages of the nineteenth century press are filled with poems far far worse than that

 

[Pickman's model]

You'd have a hard time writing a worse poem than that deliberately.

One of my colleagues left recently and in her farewell email wrote a poem to say goodbye. It was absolutely bloody atrocious. I'll see if it will bear reproduction after identifying details removed

 

[ruffneck23]

 

[billy_bob]

Yeah, one typewriter, 20 minutes, one monkey.

Not deliberate

There once was a poet from Plymouth,
Whose limericks never did rhyme.
They also didn't scan
And they weren't particularly funny
And the last line always kind of went on and on as he realised too late that he'd missed the point. Again.

Not bad

No, you wouldn't. The pages of the nineteenth century press are filled with poems far far worse than that

Not deliberately bad

I believe my point stands

 

[Boris Sprinkler]