Local Newspaper Headlines!

[seeformiles]

Not sure where to start with this

Woman accused of using sex toy and masturbating in public

Chloe Thompson, 41, from Middlesbrough, has pleaded not guilty to the three charges

www.gazettelive.co.uk

 

[existentialist]

Not sure where to start with this

Woman accused of using sex toy and masturbating in public

Chloe Thompson, 41, from Middlesbrough, has pleaded not guilty to the three charges

www.gazettelive.co.uk

I like the way the article has punctiliously avoided any misgendering, and just reported the facts as they are. Women can have dicks. New reality, and we'll get used to it in time.

 

[pseudonarcissus]

Do they not celebrate Stan Laurel in Ulverston?

They do.

 

[pseudonarcissus]

I like the way the article has punctiliously avoided any misgendering, and just reported the facts as they are. Women can have dicks. New reality, and we'll get used to it in time.

Just don’t draw this article to the attention of JK Rowling et al, they will extrapolate like hell. This happened in Middlesbrough. What happens in Middlesbrough stays in Middlesbrough.

 

[MrSki]

 

[bluescreen]

Have we had this yet?

Granthshala News

Granthshala.com provides the latest news from the US and around the world. Get breaking news alerts from the US and follow today’s live news updates in fields of politics, business, technology, Hollywood, Sport, and more.

granthshala.com

 

[petee]

most canadian story of the day

Amid shortage, Canada taps into emergency maple syrup reserves

The Canadian province of Quebec produces 70% of the world's maple syrup supply.

www.bbc.com

Global supply shortages have hit toy shops in the US and coffee producers in Brazil. In Canada, the country's liquid gold - maple syrup - is running low.
The Quebec Maple Syrup Producers (QMSP) - the so-called Opec of maple syrup - has released about 22m kg from its emergency larder, nearly half the total in reserve.

 

[seeformiles]

The accordion is the devil’s instrument. If this story further demonises the practitioners of the same then things will not have been in vain

 

[surreybrowncap]

 

[surreybrowncap]

 

[bluescreen]

I liked it until, dear god, that last bit.

 

[cupid_stunt]

I liked it until, dear god, that last bit.

It's made-up bollocks, normal Sunday Sport nonsense, but that last bit is totally out of order.

 

[surreybrowncap]

I liked it until, dear god, that last bit.

Crikey - yes. I only initially read the headline……

 

[Serge Forward]

Either 100% made up, or loosely based on events with heavy artistic licence by a racist writer.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Either 100% made up, or loosely based on events with heavy artistic licence by a racist writer.

I would say 100% made up, remember this is the comic that had front page splashes, such as a London bus being discovered at the Antarctic, a World War II bomber spotted on the Moon, and a statue of Elvis Presley seen on Mars.

 

[bluescreen]

I would say 100% made up, remember this is the comic that had front page splashes, such as a London bus being discovered at the Antarctic, a World War II bomber spotted on the Moon, and a statue of Elvis Presley seen on Mars.

Can't say they've ever registered on my radar. Are these the Freddy Starr Ate My Hamster people? Not really in the spirit then.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Can't say they've ever registered on my radar. Are these the Freddy Starr Ate My Hamster people? Not really in the spirit then.

The Sun did the 'Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster' one.

 

[Serge Forward]

I would say 100% made up, remember this is the comic that had front page splashes, such as a London bus being discovered at the Antarctic, a World War II bomber spotted on the Moon, and a statue of Elvis Presley seen on Mars.

I'd forgotten that. I saw it a couple of times when it first came out (a serious what the fuck moment). To be honest, I didn't realise it was still going... so it's not only the Morning Star that never gets featured on The Papers slot on BBC news channel

 

[Voley]

Classic letter from Angry People In Local Newspapers here. Stick with it until the killer final sentence.

 

[hitmouse]

"violated by the tracks of mechanised machinery" is great, because it's one of those rare phrases where you wouldn't be able to guess whether it came from an angry letter in the local paper or a flowery anti-civ informal insurrectionist communique. Top work.

 

[Voley]

"violated by the tracks of mechanised machinery" is great, because it's one of those rare phrases where you wouldn't be able to guess whether it came from an angry letter in the local paper or a flowery anti-civ informal insurrectionist communique. Top work.

Also reminds me of:

 

[two sheds]

You'd be tempted to write in and ask how many people died and was it when they were cutting back the overhanging branches or when people were being violated by the machinery.

 

[hash tag]

a total of 0000017 people signed the petition

 

[not henry]

Customer's fury as cafe charges him almost £50 for coffee and a biscuit

Nick Matthews was accidentally charged £47 in a 'technical error' at Yarm's Caffe Nero

www.gazettelive.co.uk

This FURIOUS complainant was charged over the odds for his normal coffee order when he should have been only charged normally over the odds. Despite the company contacting FURIOUS customer to reimburse him etc., the FURIOUS customer could not let it lie and nothing else would suffice than said FURY had to be splashed all over a regional newspaper (fit only for lighting the fire now that the nights have drawn in) complete with his "studio portrait"? picture. I want to VOMIT I am so FURIOUS.

 

[josef1878 2.0]

I would say 100% made up, remember this is the comic that had front page splashes, such as a London bus being discovered at the Antarctic, a World War II bomber spotted on the Moon, and a statue of Elvis Presley seen on Mars.

Hang on, you mean they didn't find a World War Two bomber on the moon?

 

[MickiQ]

I would say 100% made up, remember this is the comic that had front page splashes, such as a London bus being discovered at the Antarctic, a World War II bomber spotted on the Moon, and a statue of Elvis Presley seen on Mars.

I thought it had folded a decade ago, I remember the first two stories but not the last (and only believable) one. It was (and presumably still is?) the Sun with page 3 on every page.

 

[cupid_stunt]

I thought it had folded a decade ago, I remember the first two stories but not the last (and only believable) one. It was (and presumably still is?) the Sun with page 3 on every page.

It did, but returned a few weeks later.

The company entered administration on 1 April 2011, at which point publisher Richard Desmond refused to continue printing the titles because of outstanding debts.

The Sunday Sport returned to newsstands several weeks later on 8 May 2011, after Sullivan reacquired it for £50,000. The paper currently appears three times a week as the Sunday Sport (Sundays), the Midweek Sport (Wednesdays), and the Weekend Sport (Fridays), all published by Sullivan's company Sunday Sport (2011) Limited.

Sunday Sport - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[MickiQ]

It did, but returned a few weeks later.

Sunday Sport - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Did not know that, I've missed out on a whole decade of tittle-tattle and outrageous bollocks, Do they still show plenty of bare bosoms? even the Sun jagged that in a while ago.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Did not know that, I've missed out on a whole decade of tittle-tattle and outrageous bollocks, Do they still show plenty of bare bosoms? even the Sun jagged that in a while ago.

No idea, I've not seen it in years, most news outlets don't stock it, much like the Morning Star.

 

[existentialist]

No idea, I've not seen it in years, most news outlets don't stock it, much like the Morning Star.

TBF, that's probably where the similarity ends. Unless the Morning Star has radically revamped itself since the last time I saw a copy in a newsagent.