ManchesterBeth
Well-Known Member
goodnight, been nice chatting.
Curfew For Men
- Thread starter Orang Utan
- Start date
BlanketAddict
Well-Known Member
It's got all sorts!
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
There goes the door. Right, where were we?
polly
Well-Known Member
I agree trashpony - it's the young version of the perennially dodgy pillar of the community type, isn't it. This guy wasn't one of those, though. Which is why even in hindsight I was surprised and unnerved, and why I think it's believable that groups of friends, even clued up ones, can't always spot the rapist in their midst.
Clair De Lune
Apocalypse cocktails
Huh no it doesn't.
bimble
floofy
I know men with these attitudes! I haven’t seen the two I’m thinking of for quite a while but I know em, peripheral friend group from time ago. One’s ended up with a sequence of live-in Thai girlfriends, who do all the domestic work for him and always dress nicely and he pays them, i remember the conversation in which he explained that he’s had enough of trying to navigate the waters of having to try to treat women as equals and prefers to pay money to be absolved of that baffling challenge.
lechy as fuck he always was, but tolerated as just that’s what he’s like, he’s the sex person.
Unacceptable. Leave now.
Clair De Lune
Apocalypse cocktails
This isn't on at all.
ManchesterBeth
Well-Known Member
lazythursday
Averagely-Known Member
I'll admit that in the past I've had mates with dodgy attitudes. One in particular who treated women really badly - series of girlfriends, who he would always leech off, manipulate etc, as well as making lots of everyday sexist kind of comments. I think for a long time I took the attitude that it wasn't my place to get involved with other people's relationships - and the thing is with arseholes, they aren't one-dimensional, he could be the most generous and helpful person going at times. What made me take action in the end was that he got sucked into an alt-right anti-feminist worldview, which of course completely justified how he behaves, and after a furious row at a party (where he was later beaten up by the partner of a woman he belittled in some way) we parted company. I'm not really proud of the fact that it was much easier to confront him over political views than his actual real-world actions.
There are other people in my wider circle of friends, who are more acquaintances really, who I know have a bad reputation with women. They're not men I'd go for a drink with, just people I know, friends of friends, people who go to the same parties etc. I've had to help women friends avoid some of these characters at times. Ideally, people would collectively deal with these people, eject them etc rather than trying to manage the situations they create, but these men are often the type who quickly turn to violence, they are often charismatic and popular, despite how they might behave.
On another occasion I witnessed a man who I knew slightly drunkenly say something grossly sexual in a threatening way to a female friend in a pub, completely out of the blue. At the time I didn't confront him, but walked her home in case he followed. Then the next day I was fucking incensed and discussed it with people involved with the venue, people who lived in the same community (he was a boater) and tbh I got no support whatsoever. The general feeling was 'oh that's Paul for you, he's a disgusting sleaze, what can you do?'. From men and women. I think we are so conditioned not to make a fuss, and lots of people have the attitude that this is just something that happens that can't be changed, like the weather.
There are other people in my wider circle of friends, who are more acquaintances really, who I know have a bad reputation with women. They're not men I'd go for a drink with, just people I know, friends of friends, people who go to the same parties etc. I've had to help women friends avoid some of these characters at times. Ideally, people would collectively deal with these people, eject them etc rather than trying to manage the situations they create, but these men are often the type who quickly turn to violence, they are often charismatic and popular, despite how they might behave.
On another occasion I witnessed a man who I knew slightly drunkenly say something grossly sexual in a threatening way to a female friend in a pub, completely out of the blue. At the time I didn't confront him, but walked her home in case he followed. Then the next day I was fucking incensed and discussed it with people involved with the venue, people who lived in the same community (he was a boater) and tbh I got no support whatsoever. The general feeling was 'oh that's Paul for you, he's a disgusting sleaze, what can you do?'. From men and women. I think we are so conditioned not to make a fuss, and lots of people have the attitude that this is just something that happens that can't be changed, like the weather.
Excellent post. Especially
FridgeMagnet
Administrator
This is not on and he has been banned from the thread.
purenarcotic
Conveniently Pocket Sized
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8ball
Decolonise colons!
That was pretty bloody restrained under the circumstances.
krtek a houby
Merry Xmas!
Maybe urban could do a solidarity online thing, where the men don't post on one specified date? It would be just a gesture, if course but it might be a way of showing respect and a willingness to comprehend.
Rebelda
Nearly as bad as Badgers
I think a men's march, to end/against male violence, would be powerful. Yes I know a to b marches don't change things, but as an act of solidarity that you yourselves organised, I would like that. Because for fucks sake, male violence is killing men too. Honour women, honour young men, get youth groups involved. Do something.
The39thStep
Urban critical thinker
If there's a fund to pay the fines of those arrested last night I'd be more than happy to contribute
chilango
Hypothetical Wanker
I'd happily go on that.
...but it'd get attacked by the cops and men defending themselves would be shown as violent men in the media and ....well, y'know.
Since when was this a consideration?
Nanker Phelge
Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
Completely.
chilango
Hypothetical Wanker
chilango
Hypothetical Wanker
I did say I'd happily go on this.
But, you're right, I'm not going to be actively organising anything like this*. And, again, you're right that is very much part of the problem.
(not because of police brutality...that's just me thinking out loud about how it would play out)
stethoscope
Well-Known Member
In the current circumstances it really would be something for men to self-organise and show a public display of solidarity like this, and what that would communicate to other men especially those who harbour abusive attitudes to women, often not overtly. Men have to lead this, as whilst women are left to organise their own marches historically, such marches tend to still be marginalised.
izz
Increased Leisure Citizen
I was thinking of this and in the context of the original post, a self-organised curfew for, I don't know, maybe even just one night, would be a powerful thing. Would never happen though because #myrights.
chilango
Hypothetical Wanker
I dunno. I think the idea of a Friday or Saturday night (post-lockdown) where town centres, and pubs, and takeaways and streets are empty (or at least noticeably emptier) of men would be very powerful.
Like - a bit - when the streets are temporarily empty of cars.
The difficulty, of course, is getting enough men to do it so that it is notable.
Also, of course a self-curfew doesn't preclude a march and vice versa. I'd happily try both.
neonwilderness
What would Badgers do?
A self organised curfew would only work if enough people took part, which at the moment probably wouldn’t be enough to be noticeable.
A march would be more visual, so might be better for raising awareness initially?
ItWillNeverWork
Messy Crimbobs, fellow humans.
I’m not sure dark, empty streets devoid of people would create a safer environment for anyone really. And what about men that don’t have a home to go to? What would they do?
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