Wilf
Slouching towards Billingham
Thanks, that looks really positive. I'll have a look and if I end up doing it I'll report back.
Vile, disgusting, entitled, predatory man hassles brave woman on unmanned railway station
- Thread starter editor
- Start date
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
I’ve done a one day personal safety course with them and it would definitely help in a situation like this.
So if you use a station like this regularly, do a recce of it, recce the surrounding area too. if someone was gonna mug you, where would they hide? Be extra aware of these spots when you come and go. If theres more than one route to the station mix it up, don’t always go the same way. If someone is following you or freaking you out like this idiot, where would you go to raise the alarm? Find a corner shop? A pub? Go in and say hello buy some sweets or whatever, so they get to know you. If you get followed go in there and tell them whats going on. Dont walk home, go to the safe place. Set yourself up with a buddy, a trusted friend, we were taught that to rely on total strangers to save you in these situations is just too risky a tactic and often doesn’t work. So you agree with your friend to be buddies, when either of you are coming home late, drop them a text when you leave and again when you get home, use a location tracker, my partner and I use whatsapp location tracker but you can get personal safety apps on your phone. You can set up 999 sms on your phone, so you can discreetly call 999. Agree a safe word or phrase with your buddy, so you can ring or text them sonething mundane like ‘can you put the cat out?’ And they know you’re in danger. If someone is being really weird like this man was, I’d alert my buddy and I wouldn’t engage with him, I’d ignore him, I’d figure out where I was going to go. I would leave immediately. (I can see she did try to get away), If I had the money then I think Id book an Uber, I’d just leave, get away, you owe these people nothing. Personal safety is about getting out of these situations, engaging with someone like this can be risky. You can make excuses, tell lies, anything to get you out of a situation. Say I’ve been confronted on my boat, I’ve got a pot about to boil over. I can then go in, lock the door and call someone. So think about some excuses. So I’ve been followed on the way home before and I’ve used these tactics, I’ve gone to a pub and rung my partner once I’m in there. Where I moor is often pitch dark so I use a head torch and make sure im not being followed.
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wemakeyousoundb
hopefully not gimboid
pretty sure the stand up against harasssment is all about engaging with the victim and not confronting the aggressor in a similar way to what editor did in his post, there is still the possibility if male that the aggressor will have a go at you but you are not engaging them directly though.
Puddy_Tat
naturally fluffy
might think about doing it.
something along those lines ought to be at least strongly recommended to front line transport workers.
i know some train companies offer (the few remaining) front line staff something on suicide prevention and safeguarding, don't know if this sort of thing is on the agenda.
LeytonCatLady
Well-Known Member
Grrr. I saw this story on my Twitter feed and of course there were your usual idiots saying "This is why women shouldn't be out at night" and missing the fucking point. Someone else pointed out that she refused to be afraid of blokes like this, or to let them stop her going where she pleased, and got called a pick-me for her trouble. Has it really come to the point where being a woman and standing up for your rights is being a pick-me? Because that's not helping women's rights either.
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Ceej
Where is my mind?
When I saw a young woman being cornered on the tube, verbally and physically, I pretended I was a mate of her mums, and asked the bloke to move, so we could talk. He squared-up a bit, them grudgingly moved, then got off. A couple of people said well done...they were afraid to intervene.
It's easier for me, being a 60+ short, fat woman, I suppose - not much kudos in taking me on.
It's easier for me, being a 60+ short, fat woman, I suppose - not much kudos in taking me on.
I had to look that up as I've never come across the term before. Obviously bollocks but personally i really don't care what nonsense people call me.
(I did get called an 'ugly fucking cunt' before eight o'clock this morning by some random man because I didn't engage with him so y'know.
)
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
Personal alarms can buy you some time to get away, they’re not intended to get you help, they’re there to distract and confuse people. The best ones are gas ones, tiny black single use ones, you chuck them down, they are SO loud. They go on for ages. People don’t know what they are or where they are so it buys you a few seconds to get away.
I also have a battery one which is really loud, I accidentally set it off on the tube and caused mass panic. So they do work to confuse and distract.
I also have a battery one which is really loud, I accidentally set it off on the tube and caused mass panic. So they do work to confuse and distract.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
I was once chased down a street by a man saying he was going to kill me, at 10pm at night, in Notting Hill. I’d been waiting at a bus stop with a dozen other people. I think the man was psychotic, I think the bystanders thought he knew me because he thought he did, too. No one stopped him. I ended up running into traffic, thankfully a cop car nearly ran us both over. They arrested him. I was SO lucky.
I’ve been punched in the face in a train station for turning down a mans advances, I was waiting in the ticket queue. He was a creep I’d come accross before, always harassing me at the student union. I tried to be polite, told him I was getting the train to see my boyfriend (true), he then shouted, ‘he only uses you for sex you slag!’ And bam! What an utter arsehole.
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AnnO'Neemus
Is so vanilla
I'd like to think the rational logical side of my brain would kick and make me think twice, but I fear the emotional fired-up by social justice side will prevail and I would intervene.
I've done so before and paid the price and in hindsight thought how stupid I was and how easily it could have gone even more wrong.
Scenario: I got on a bus heading into town, it was afternoon rush hour, downstairs was packed, so I headed up to the top-deck, which was also pretty full. I was about halfway/two-thirds back. At some point, I realised some teenagers in school uniform were throwing some bits of gravel around, which I guessed they probably picked up while hanging out at the bus stop or something. They were being a bit annoying.
There was an older guy on the back seat, some kids were there too. Something kicked off. The next thing I knew, the guy has been walking up the aisle towards the stairs when he ended up at the bottom of a scrum being pummelled and kicked. This was further forward than my row, and I realised that more kids were about to surge forward from the back.
I didn't think. I just stood up and stood between the scrum behind me (further towards the front of the bus), and stood with my arms spread wide, sort of acting like a barrier to prevent more youths joining the pile-on.
One lad took a swing a punched me in the face.
The guy who was being attacked managed to get up and went down the stairs.
I went downstairs and by now we were on the road approaching the bus station. I said to the bus driver that he should radio in and call for the cops because a load of school kids has just attacked another passenger.
(Completely unprovoked attack on a random passenger.)
He drove round the corner and was pulling into the bus station. I said he shouldn't open the doors till the police got there as otherwise they'd escape and get off with it.
The bus driver opened the door anyway. All the kids were piling off. I grabbed hold of the lad who'd punched me in the face and said 'You're not going anywhere.' He pushed me to the floor and then started kicking me, in the stomach, etc. Luckily, there are usually bus inspectors managing the traffic and one or two of them were near the bus and heard the kerfuffle and got on. The bus driver didn't attempt to intervene or radio in, was absolutely useless. The inspector(s) stopped the lad kicking me and then made him sit down and wait for the cops.
In the mêlée, the guy who'd originally been attacked disappeared. I guess he didn't want any police involvement.
The cops turned up, arrested him.
I went off to hospital to get checked out. Turned out he'd given me a fractured zygoma (eye socket) and I ended up with an absolutely stinking black eye, plus bruising over my body where I'd been kicked.
What surprised me was that no one else intervened on the top deck when the school kids attacked the guy. Nearly full, no one else helped.
Around about that time, can't remember if it was before or after, there was an incident on a London bus where a guy was stabbed and killed because he asked some idiots to stop throwing chips at people.
It gives me the heebie-jeebies, to think what might have happened, and in a way I feel I was lucky to only have been punched in the face and to have got a broken eye socket and some severe bruising.
You don't know if someone might have a knife on them. People have been killed for the most insignificant and pointless things.
So while part of me thinks of course passersby should intervene, I'd like to think that self-preservation would kick in if/when a similar situation arose, although I fear I might act on instinct, just as I did then. Only I might not be as lucky next time.
kenny g
Sheeple Awake!
The whole knife thing does change people's reactions. Well done by the way. I've intervened in school kids flicking snot on people on the top of buses and fortunately avoided any injuries or scraps but it did result in the bus being stopped and the police called by the driver due to the general mayhem and threats from the children to the passengers.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
The TLDR of the personal safety training I took was: 1. Planning in advance of any incident 2. You have to look after yourself, no one else will do it for you.
Oula
Voice of a Goddess Giant
Obviously I've had many incidents like this, because I'm a woman. One time in particular I was supported by men who didn't put themselves at risk I or escalate the situation. But I had to ask for help.
I was walking through quiet residential roads near Loughborough Junction in the daytime when a man started shouting at me aggressively and following me. Just as I was starting to get scared I walked past a house that was being done up by builders. I knocked on the front door, told them what was happening and asked if I could come in. They led me through to the back garden and got me to wait there. They asked if I wanted them to call the police or anyone else. They kept going out the front to check if he was gone and letting me know. When he finally did go, they told me to wait a few more minutes before going myself. They didn't go out and confront him, even though there were a few of them and they had tools. I thought they dealt with it well.
Although there's also that weird thing where you put yourself in a situation you'd normally avoid because it suddenly seems safer. Where you have to weigh up different potential threats on the spot, that women do all the time. I wouldn't normally go into a derelict house with a gang of builders, but it became the safest option at the time.
I was walking through quiet residential roads near Loughborough Junction in the daytime when a man started shouting at me aggressively and following me. Just as I was starting to get scared I walked past a house that was being done up by builders. I knocked on the front door, told them what was happening and asked if I could come in. They led me through to the back garden and got me to wait there. They asked if I wanted them to call the police or anyone else. They kept going out the front to check if he was gone and letting me know. When he finally did go, they told me to wait a few more minutes before going myself. They didn't go out and confront him, even though there were a few of them and they had tools. I thought they dealt with it well.
Although there's also that weird thing where you put yourself in a situation you'd normally avoid because it suddenly seems safer. Where you have to weigh up different potential threats on the spot, that women do all the time. I wouldn't normally go into a derelict house with a gang of builders, but it became the safest option at the time.
LeytonCatLady
Well-Known Member
I'm glad they looked out for you Oula, what a horrible situation!
kalidarkone
Bringing YOU round.....
Yes. This is the tactic I would use. Pretending the victim was known to me and that I'm sorry for running late....and how's it going? Its so good to see you.....etc.....
It’s a good tactic if you’re a woman but a man doing this could be perceived as a secondary threat with the potential to make it worse.
existentialist
Tired and unemotional
To me, it looks like one of the least threatening ways of intervening.
kalidarkone
Bringing YOU round.....
In the instance that the only other person about was a bloke- I as a bloke would take that risk and hopefully at least be able to escort her to a safer and more populated area.
That or do nothing? - definitely do something. Leave her to be assaulted. Stand by and let it happen? Nah mate cus then I am complicit.
Fair point.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
The most brass necked self-saving I ever knew of, was when a couple of female friends of mine got surrounded by mandem on the towpath in Tottenham. My friend clapped eyes on one of the youth, smiled and exclaimed, ‘hello!!! Hows your mum? I’ve not seen her for ages! Tell her I’m asking after her!’. It worked, the mandem parted and they were able to walk on
Oula
Voice of a Goddess Giant
I've been in plenty worse.
Unfortunately I once tried something a little similar (I actually knew the guy who was about to beat my partner up, we went to primary school together) and it made the situation worse. But I was young and and didn't mention the magic mum wordMy friend clapped eyes on one of the youth, smiled and exclaimed, ‘hello!!! Hows your mum? I’ve not seen her for ages! Tell her I’m asking after her!’. It worked, the mandem parted and they were able to walk on
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
I once witnessed a middle aged woman confront a huge gang of teens who were looking for trouble. She put her mum voice on, ‘GO HOME! NOW!’ And they did!
The most brass necked self-saving I ever knew of, was when a couple of female friends of mine got surrounded by mandem on the towpath in Tottenham. My friend clapped eyes on one of the youth, smiled and exclaimed, ‘hello!!! Hows your mum? I’ve not seen her for ages! Tell her I’m asking after her!’. It worked, the mandem parted and they were able to walk on
This reminds me of the Night Stalker who terrorised elderly women in their own homes both robbing and raping them. On one occasion the woman he was attacking said, “if only your mother could see you now” and he ceased the attack and fled the scene.
baldrick
hmmmmm
I've done similar. It only took a couple of secs for the woman to catch on, I think she was feeling pretty desperate and probably thought well this is the second stranger to accost me in the last few minutes but at least they're being polite and not actively threatening me.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
I’ve done this, but sort of the opposite. I was being followed by an obvious nutter, in Bishops Stortford, my partner was away, I knew to go back to my boat would be unsafe. Moored a few boats down from us a woman was playing with her toddler on the front deck of her boat, so I went up and introduced myself and said, ‘I’m moored a few boats down from you, can I chat to you for a while as if we know each other, to try shake off this weirdo who is following me?’ She told me he was known to hang around that area and that she was happy to chat. He went away and I was able to go home.
Tangentially related, this freak is in court today.
Women left 'terrified' after seeing man in gimp suit
One motorist was left 'shaking and crying' by the incidents which happened late at night in a Somerset village
www.somersetlive.co.uk
Mation
real life adventure worth more than pieces of gold
Yep, I've done this. Saw a woman on the tube with some bloke sitting opposite her, staring intently and being worrying. He was saying things, but I couldn't hear him that well over the tube noise and can't remember what. But his body language and hers just looked wrong.
I went to sit next to her with a bright smile and a cheery hello and launched into loud conversation about how nice it was to see her and so on. She took it up immediately and we completely ignored him and kept chatting as though everything was fine. He got off a couple of stops later, whereupon we could analyse it a bit. She hadn't been at all fine.
This was morning rush hour, iirc.
krtek a houby
Merry Xmas!
The most brass necked self-saving I ever knew of, was when a couple of female friends of mine got surrounded by mandem on the towpath in Tottenham. My friend clapped eyes on one of the youth, smiled and exclaimed, ‘hello!!! Hows your mum? I’ve not seen her for ages! Tell her I’m asking after her!’. It worked, the mandem parted and they were able to walk on
Liked without entirely understanding the term "mandem". Is it an abbreviation for man demanding
