Q: Cuming fae the jewel of Scotland, Glesga ken,we dinnae huv ane o these roll thingys doon here, so me an yon young team wid be happy tae cum up tae the sheep sha.... land an tak it aff yees fur a boatle o the bru! ken..like..
A: Just been in touch wee Mikey Cain at the Waterfront bar, the Rowie and a team of casuals would be happy if ye were tee come up!!!!
Q: Hello, i am very impressed by your rowie, and am keen to place a bid, but i need assurances about my safety, as i believe the winning bidder , would have to pick up the items from aitkens in torry.Would it be possible to make sure it is handed over , on a day when the council are nae emptying the bins, as i am afraid of the legendary giant killer torry (never seen the sea in their lives)gulls, and i am scared that as i walked away with the rowies, i may be set upon by a pack of these ravenous brutes, and not only me , but the fabled rowie could be devoured. is there a likelyhood of the rowie being gull proof, by adding real food ingredients too it, and thus discouraging these killers, as they only eat shit? please give me assurances for me and my future babies. thanks
A: Hello there. Now, i have been in touch wee the council who have assured me the backets are emptied on a monday morning at Glenbervie Road. This will keep the number of Torry Eagles to a minimum, as most of them will be doon at Girdleness Road, as they dinae get emptied until Thursday. I hiv also spoked tee Shuggy Anderson, who was the Vermon Control Officer at the Council, but retired just over 3 years ago. Shuggy has nae long bought a new Webley Osprey.22 air rifle off Ebay. He is still in contact wee Jimmy Much at the council fa is Clerk Of Works for Torry Zone 2, which takes in Glenbervie Road. Jimmy is willing to let Shuggy into Flat 13C, which is currently boarded up, at the time you would be picking up the Rowie. This flat faces directly onto Aitkens Bakery, therefore providing cover in the event a rogue Torry Eagle should make a dive for the Rowie, Shuggy would hiv a clear shot. I hope this has reassured you that we have taken all steps feasible. And your safety is our number 1 concern!!!
Q: Aye an' seein' aa 'is taak aboot rowies minte me o a boy I kent fae Torry 'at hid an aaler brither caad Spootie. Now Spootie gaed oot on u toon ae necht (aye a lang time ago) an got himsael fair haimert. He ended up in the Ritzy, dunsin we some horse fae Mastrick. Now this horse hid a loon at wis stunnin at the bar nae happy, an' he wisnae jist the cliverest o gadjees, so faan he seen his bloen dunsin wee Spootie it ended up wi a scuffle in the lavvys. Spootie ended up gettin chucked oot an hid tae geng tae the Bridge bar - far a lassie his tae stan up tae p1sh. Fits 'is got tae dee we rowies I hear ye askin - weel, the same necht at aboot three in the mornin, Spootie woke up, face doon in the dubs in Union Terrace gairdens, we his bricks doon at his nees an' a rowie wedjed atween the chicks o his erse. Tae this day he's nae idea fit haipend but am nae paein dough for ony rowie comin fae aiberdeen faan 'at kind o thing gengs on.
A: Hey min, ye erse. That horse fae Mastrick wiz in fact my cousin Mandy Thompson fae Bremner Crescent in Northfield, the only reason she said that she wiz fae Mastrick cause she didnae want blokes taking her up the road for her money. And you can tell Spookie next time i see him in the Metro he'll be seing stars!!!
Q: Fit like the day noo. Could ye tell ma fitna branch o Aitken's did the Rowie hail fae, it's jist that a quine I ken fae skool ca'd 'Snottery Annie'works in the Torry branch and she is an affa fool hooer an a ken for a fact that she has been seen to drap a boggie or twa in the concoction that they mak to mak a rowie.(she also has anither job doon by the hairbor at nicht). Aye aye, fit like Annie. Hooever, Auld Dod ma faither in law fae Torry says that a Snottery Annie boggie wid never put him aff o his rowie an swears that if you smear some o Morrice the Butchers potted heid on't then boggie or nae boggie, yeel niver ken the difference. PS Annie, if yer readin iss, fars ma £5 change ye thievin hooer. Tootaroo
A: Well, your description is pap on. I can tell you she was sacked just afore christmas for washing her hands in a toilet bowl, as Doddy the plumber was in fitting new sinks. Abody found it strange, cause she never washed her hands, but apparently she had a new boyfriend fae Balnagask Road she was trying to impress...
