'My parents-in-law have gone back on a promise to give us their house' - heartbreaking story

[newbie]

Increasingly our option not the "kinky sex" or drugs, ( aye boring I know)
Let the buggers fight out over what's left
But, making our will, is complicated, we have children, and Grandchildren and nephews,and people with LD who we have ' adopted' ( yes no such termthese days, who now come under the the description 'shared lives"
How the hell do we allocate our inheritance?
One point, I believe the 'statement' blood is thicker then water! To be absolute Shyte, my great, great nephews, on wor lasses side, will get mair of our estate than my immediate nephews on my side!
ETA, some of my lot visit this site on odd occasion, yer fucked me bonnie lads and lasses
Apologies for the slight derail.
Apologies also for posting while angry and slightly pissed

yes but you're missing the thrust of this thread. which is that it's basically ok for our generation to have all the pies, and we're encouraged to blow the lot while we can. So get on and do it, but pause for thought, just think how much bingo that involves before ruling out the drugs and kinky sex completely!

ps loving the dialect, I read all your posts with an incomprehensible accent

 

[skyscraper101]

I call fake.

 

[mauvais]

I call truth, although I not-so-secretly believe that all non-Cockney Londoners are like this.

 

[Casually Red]

I don't understand, if she gets the house then where will they go? Do they have another house?

To a retirement camp...somewhere in ze east .

 

[Idris2002]

.

 

[StoneRoad]

Well, in the case of some friends of mine - the older generation "sold / gifted" the family home to the younger generation enough years before they needed to move into a nursing / care home that the capital / value was disregarded when it came to paying for their care. The oldsters stayed - rent free - in the "family home" as long as they could, sharing it with one of their kids.

 

[Casually Red]

Truly heartbreaking story here:



My parents-in-law have gone back on a promise to give us their house

Life can be cruel sometimes but at least she had the strength to sit down and write a letter to the guardian, when most people would just be silently consumed by bitterness . Getting it all out is a positive step in a positive direction . Therefore I'd like to dedicate this inspirational piece to this woman, and hope she can take some strength and affirmation from it . Like I have, many times .

 

[killer b]

The new frontiers of divide and rule are coming along nicely, I see.

 

[Pickman's model]

i think this is a teaser for the new game of 'guardiando'. based on the auld boardgame 'cluedo' you have to work out who wrote the letter, where, and with what. i'll open with alistair campbell, who has form writing letters for 'forum' magazine, in tuscany, on an ipad.

 

[Casually Red]

I call Jeremy corbyns wife, after raiding the drinks cabinet, while he's off doing something inherently worthy

 

[mauvais]

I call Jeremy corbyns wife, after raiding the drinks cabinet, while he's off doing something inherently worthy

You forget to use the 141 prefix and your call is screened. Lose six life essence.

 

[FabricLiveBaby!]

Well, in the case of some friends of mine - the older generation "sold / gifted" the family home to the younger generation enough years before they needed to move into a nursing / care home that the capital / value was disregarded when it came to paying for their care. The oldsters stayed - rent free - in the "family home" as long as they could, sharing it with one of their kids.

This is exactly what happens in Poland (where I live now) and Hungary (where my mum's from). Houses are handed down from generation to generation with Grandparents (and sometimes brothers and sisters) their children, and their families all living in the same house, with the house being handed down while the Grandparents are still alive, with the expectation that the children look after the parents in old age, sometimes with extensions being built on to the house for extra accommodation.

It's all changing a bit now with the creeping of neo-liberalism into Central and Eastern Europe, so people in big cities with "aspiration" do tend to take on larger and larger mortgages the further up the class rung you get. Shame I think. People are getting into more and more debt for a slice of the "dream" (read ever increasing shoebox "investments").

Still though, culturally round these parts a big slice of your parental duty is that you are expected to share/gift your accommodation to your kids/grand kids indefinitely in return for not being parked up in a God's-waiting-room old persons "home" (nightmare) when you retire.

To be honest I think that the attitude of British parenting is bizarre when it comes to housing. Expecting your kids to pay you market-rate rent, and/or encouraging them to mortgage themselves up to they eyeballs just so that they move out from under you has never been something I, nor my mum, have ever really understood. We just kind of gawp when we see parents who have bought a second home in France charging £1750 a month to their kids, so they can rent their family home. Or £300 a month so they can stay in their childhood bedroom (with bills on top). Seems really odd to me and honestly, even growing up in the UK I never got that attitude.

I think the British could probably learn a bit from this area of the world.

Not that I'm going to tar all Brits with the same attitude, but there does seem to be a rather strong undercurrent of it.

 

[YouSir]

I call truth, although I not-so-secretly believe that all non-Cockney Londoners are like this.

Cockney's are a small part of the native London population. And a shit one. SE Londoners are better in every way.

 

[killer b]

To be honest I think that the attitude of British parenting is bizarre when it comes to housing. Expecting your kids to pay you market-rate rent, and/or encouraging them to mortgage themselves up to they eyeballs just so that they move out from under you has never been something ,I nor my mum, have ever really understood. We just kind of gawp when we see parents who have bought a second home in France charging £1750 a month to their kids, so they can rent their family home. Or £300 a month so they can stay in their childhood bedroom (with bills on top). Seems really odd to me and honestly, even growing up in the UK I never got that attitude.

Is this a widespread attitude? I can't say it's something I've ever come across.

 

[Pickman's model]

Cockney's are a small part of the native London population. And a shit one. SE Londoners are better in every way.

is this a widespread attitude? i can't say it's something i've ever come across.

 

[FabricLiveBaby!]

Is this a widespread attitude? I can't say it's something I've ever come across.

Really? How many families do you know in the UK that gift their houses to their kids while they are still alive and live together? I don't know any.

The expectation in the UK that at 18 you move out and get your own place (though the council, private or otherwise) has seemed pretty widespread to me. I thought it was a common assumption that the British are obsessed with property ownership and the "housing ladder" (stairway to nowhere).

I guess it might depend on your generation how obvious it is.. When house prices were relatively affordable, there was no BTL, people took on lodgers and there was a big council housing stock, I don't think It would have been as noticeable. You just moved out and did your thing (from those 10+ years my senior). Nowadays anyone of my British friends still living with their parents (I'm 30 btw) pays market rents for their room. The thing about £1700 for the family home was not pulled out my arse. I know someone currently doing that - their mum retired in France.

It' all anecdotes but where I'm from in Zone 3 London it seems pretty much the done thing.

 

[Monkeygrinder's Organ]

Is this a widespread attitude? I can't say it's something I've ever come across.

I think one thing that would be the British attitude to something like that is that you wouldn't go round telling everyone about it.

Seriously I would have no idea what anyone else's arrangements are around that sort of thing.

 

[YouSir]

is this a widespread attitude? i can't say it's something i've ever come across.

That SE Londoners are different from Cockneys? Very. In SE London at least.

Edit: I'm guessing that was a double post not aimed at me.

 

[mauvais]

Cockney's are a small part of the native London population. And a shit one. SE Londoners are better in every way.

A minority they may be, but eating jellied eels and being a pearly queen is - to this mind - the only crawling-through-the-Shawshank-shitpipe guaranteed means of escape from being a modern Londoner, the oh well darling of course I've got several million pounds now but property is still soooo expensive it's almost like I'm being forced out and that's without the cost of my insufferable commute from the Shetland Islands and they don't even do a good laahhhh-tte in the horrid provinces and why can't I stop myself deliberately ruining the nation for everyone and just die, type.

I guess I should write a letter to the Graun.

 

[Winot]

AFIAK if parents just gift their house to their kids then the kids are liable to IHT. And if the parents are living there they have to pay rent or it's a gift with reservation.

 

[Pickman's model]

That SE Londoners are different from Cockneys? Very. In SE London at least.

Edit: I'm guessing that was a double post not aimed at me.

i have never previously encountered the notion that se londoners were better in every way than cockneys

 

[FabricLiveBaby!]

I think one thing that would be the British attitude to something like that is that you wouldn't go round telling everyone about it.

Seriously I would have no idea what anyone else's arrangements are around that sort of thing.

I'm not shy about asking my friends this kind of thing. They are my friends after all, but I was always so shocked when my mates told me they were paying their parents £250-£300 per week to rent their childhood bedroom. Seemed so weird to me.

 

[mauvais]

AFIAK parents if just gift their house to their kids then the kids are liable to IHT. And if the parents are living there they have to pay rent or it's a gift with reservation.

There's various ways around this, or part of it anyway.

 

[YouSir]

A minority they may be, but eating jellied eels and being a pearly queen is - to this mind - the only crawling-through-the-Shawshank-shitpipe guaranteed means of escape from being a modern Londoner, the oh well darling of course I've got several million pounds now but property is still soooo expensive it's almost like I'm being forced out and that's without the cost of my insufferable commute from the Shetland Islands and they don't even do a good laahhhh-tte in the horrid provinces and why can't I stop myself deliberately ruining the nation for everyone and just die, type.

I guess I should write a letter to the Graun.

Y'see? That's cultural war for you, the fine and ancient heritage of SE London eclipsed by Cockney wankers and commuters. We may have to follow the Welsh and start burning holiday/btl homes.

 

[FabricLiveBaby!]

AFIAK if parents just gift their house to their kids then the kids are liable to IHT. And if the parents are living there they have to pay rent or it's a gift with reservation.

There is a way to get round it. You have to gift it minimum 7 years before you pop your clogs. I think you sign over the deeds. I read about it once, can't remember the details but it's how the super-rich get out of paying inheritance tax.

 

[YouSir]

i have never previously encountered the notion that se londoners were better in every way than cockneys

An objective truth, come live amongst us an learn out ways. Then eat some jellied eels. The difference will be clear.

 

[Pickman's model]

An objective truth, come live amongst us an learn out ways. Then eat some jellied eels. The difference will be clear.

yes, south east londoners are not jellied eels.

 

[YouSir]

yes, south east londoners are not jellied eels.

And that's why we're better. Fucking eel bastards.

 

[killer b]

Really? How many families do you know in the UK that gift their houses to their kids while they are still alive and live together? I don't know any.

The expectation in the UK that at 18 you move out and get your own place (though the council, private or otherwise) has seemed pretty widespread to me. I thought it was a common assumption that the British are obsessed with property ownership and the "housing ladder" (stairway to nowhere).

I guess it might depend on your generation how obvious it is.. When house prices were relatively affordable, there was no BTL, people took on lodgers and there was a big council housing stock, I don't think It would have been as noticeable. You just moved out and did your thing (from those 10+ years my senior). Nowadays anyone of my British friends still living with their parents (I'm 30 btw) pays market rents for their room. The thing about £1700 for the family home was not pulled out my arse. I know someone currently doing that - their mum retired in France.

It' all anecdotes but where I'm from in Zone 3 London it seems pretty much the done thing.

It isn't common to give your kids your house, no - but nor is it common to charge your kids market rent to live in their childhood bedroom, or expect them to pay the mortgage of your buy-to-let.

It is common for parents to give their kids substantial sums of money to get on the housing ladder (boak), and to subsidise their housing in many other ways. I'm sure there's some sharp-elbowed fucks profiting off their offspring, but I can't imagine it's really widespread. And those who do deserve a lonely decline in a nursing home, when the time comes...

 

[mauvais]

There is a way to get round it. You have to gift it minimum 7 years before you pop your clogs. I think you sign over the deeds. I read about it once, can't remember the details but it's how the super-rich get out of paying inheritance tax.

You don't have to be super rich to do it, although obviously you do need to be rich enough to have something to gift, and some way in advance. I suppose in a benevolent light it's a tax relief that redresses the generational disparity between baby boomers & generation rent, although obviously only in an individual, piecemeal way.