Great Father Ted quotes

[JuanTwoThree]

Are you up to your old tricks Tom?

No, it's my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms

 

[LeytonCatLady]

TED: Smooth as a baby's behind!
DOUGAL: You'd know all about that, Ted!
TED: WHAT???
DOUGAL: When you're baptising the babies.

 

[Idris2002]

Who would he be like, Ted? Hitler, or one of them fellas?

 

[LeytonCatLady]

MRS DOYLE: Excuse me Father, there's a woman here to see you.
TED: You mean a nun.
MRS DOYLE: No, it's a woman all right. A real woman. With a SKIRT!

 

[pesh]

thats John Rogan, he was an absolute legend, I worked on a show with him years back and every time I bumped into him afterwards he'd drag me into the nearest pub and we'd get shitfaced

 

[stavros]

Ted: "Doesn't Mary have a lovely bottom?"
Judge: "Careful, Ted, that might offend the girls."
Ted: "Oh yes, of course. Ahem, of course they all have lovely bottoms."

 

[LeytonCatLady]

(loud whisper): I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!

 

[stavros]

"I've heard about those cults, Ted: dressing in black and saying our Lord's going to come back and judge us."

 

[savoloysam]

What was the line about a spider in the bath or something. I think it was in one of the later episodes?

 

[Ron Merlin]

The Spider-Baby perhaps?

 

[LeytonCatLady]

What was the line about a spider in the bath or something. I think it was in one of the later episodes?

It's the "Ecumenical Matter" episode. One of the bishops explains the ceremony he's about to perform will require incense.

TED: Dougal, do we have any incense?
DOUGAL: There was a spider in the bath last night!
TED: No Dougal, INCENSE!

 

[savoloysam]

It's the "Ecumenical Matter" episode. One of the bishops explains the ceremony he's about to perform will require incense.

TED: Dougal, do we have any incense?
DOUGAL: There was a spider in the bath last night!
TED: No Dougal, INCENSE!

That's the one. Had me in stitches for days first time around

 

[Throbbing Angel]

Mary and John from the local shop crack me up

Episode 1.1 Good Luck, Father Ted
[ John and Mary prepare to sell their wares at Funland ]
John: Ya fat smelly cow!
Mary: Titface! You have a face like a pair of tits.
John: Well at least that's one pair between us.
[ Father Ted arrives to talk about his upcoming television appearance and leaves ]
John: Get those feckin' Crunchies out of the car!
Mary: Feck off!

 

[LeytonCatLady]

Mary and John from the local shop crack me up

Episode 1.1 Good Luck, Father Ted
[ John and Mary prepare to sell their wares at Funland ]
John: Ya fat smelly cow!
Mary: Titface! You have a face like a pair of tits.
John: Well at least that's one pair between us.
[ Father Ted arrives to talk about his upcoming television appearance and leaves ]
John: Get those feckin' Crunchies out of the car!
Mary: Feck off!

John: Yer gonna stand there all day, ya fat old bitch?
Mary: Don't talk to me like that, ya pile of feckin' shite! (John barges past). Ya ignorant prick!
John: You watch your mouth!
Mary: l'll watch nothin'! (brandished knife) l'll stick this up yer arse!

 

[JuanTwoThree]

It's one long quote divided into episodes and series, isn't it? Any couple of lines would do.

 

[Ground Elder]

"Maybe I like the misery."

 

[stavros]

 

[stavros]

 

[LeytonCatLady]

DOUGAL (looking out the window with his binoculars awaiting the bishops' arrival): "No sign of them yet, Ted."
TED: "Er Dougal (cut to bishops sitting on sofa looking bewildered)...they've arrived!"

 

[TheHoodedClaw]

 

[stavros]

 

[stavros]

I think I'm right in saying only two English people appear in Father Ted. One is Richard Wilson; who's the other?

 

[TheHoodedClaw]

I think I'm right in saying only two English people appear in Father Ted. One is Richard Wilson; who's the other?

Richard Wilson isn't English.

 

[LeytonCatLady]

Richard Wilson isn't English.

I didn't know that! Just looked him up Richard Wilson (Scottish actor) - Wikipedia and he is indeed Scottish. He doesn't sound it in that episode as himself.

 

[danny la rouge]

I think I'm right in saying only two English people appear in Father Ted. One is Richard Wilson; who's the other?

Brian Eno.

(See notes above regarding Richard Wilson, who has the same accent in everything).

 

[William of Walworth]

Brian Eno.

(See notes above regarding Richard Wilson, who has the same accent in everything).

Explain with a link please!!

I thought I'd seen absolutely all episodes. More than once!

But I have no memory at all of a lengthy Eno sample from 'My Life in the Bush of Ghosts'

 

[William of Walworth]

Major!! respect to the encyclopediac knowledge of the superfan LeytonCatLady !! x 1,000

 

[LeytonCatLady]

Major!! respect to the encyclopediac knowledge of the superfan LeytonCatLady !! x 1,000

Thank you. I own all 25 episodes on DVD and can probably recite them all in my sleep. I'm obsessed!

 

[danny la rouge]

Explain with a link please!!

I thought I'd seen absolutely all episodes. More than once!

But I have no memory at all of a lengthy Eno sample from 'My Life in the Bush of Ghosts'

He appears as “Fr Brian Eno” in the last episode.

 

[2hats]

Father Hiroshima Twinkie.