LilMissHissyFit said:
I reserve judgement on the Fathers for justice mob Im afraid. There are other fathers groups who dont resort to these tactics and before we hand them sympathy and support we need to realise that these are fathers protesting who have been refused contact in many cases by a court which generally needs evidence of a pretty good standard to refuse contact.
Ive been on the opposite side of this argument as a mother who had good grounds for opposing contact but even with police evidence, statements, previous injunctions which has power of arrest attached after both me and the kids suffered domestic abuse and yet even with all this evidence they courts awarded contact, not just once but at several hearings where he appeared regularly trying to force the issues, harrassing me using legally aided lawyers every few months to get more and more contact ( even though CAFCASS had said they didnt believe more contact was in the childrens best interests)
My experience showed me that even with evidence from statutory bodies my ex was still awarded contact, despite using contact handovers to physically assault me.
Im now very sceptical about these claims that courts favour the mother, the experience of friends of mine and other mothers who had been in refuges with me has been very similar. When I see these men I wonder whether they hide behind the confidentiality aspects of the family court to claim they are victims and hard done by when the court may have seen overwhelming evidence of abuse by these people and decided that they should place the childs interests first and that meant no direct contact with dad ( which was what my ex was eventually awarded after beating me and trying to run me over when collecting the children- witnessed by neighbours of mine and the children who were in the car)
Things arent always as clear cut as they seem and we have no way of checking whatever claims of injustice these men claim becuase of the court imposed confidentiality ( whihc is quite correct, they should be private)
I lived through simular situations, though i was the child.
what worrys me about all this 'fathers rights' 'mothers rights' stuff of late, is that many argue the toss about the rights of the parents without really saying much on the right of the child.
I witnessed horrific violence towards my mother by father and lived in a couple of 'womens refuges' for a time, but at some point whilst i was growing up i remember feeling hate directed towards my mother simply for the fact that my dad wasnt around. An evil shit he may have been but at that point whilst i was still young i still loved him because he was my dad. I didnt have the advantage of the ''grownups'' to be able to make some sort of understanding of what was going on, so i grew up for a while being very scared, angry and confused.
My father fought for access and gained a weekend visit every two weeks, and like LilMiss's experiences, he used that to continue the harrasment, so i ended up convinced it was my fault. It all went back to court and the access was stopped, my involvment in this big life changing moment was being stuck in a room with 2 very old male social workers and my mother and being asked directly who i wanted to live with 'mommy or daddy?', i cant remember anything but crying through out the whole thing, its probably the most awfull question you can ask a kid going through the seperation of their parents, especially with one of those parents present. where is the justice for the thousands if not millions of kids who are put through the same situations week in week out?
Parents make a choice when they have a child, that child doesnt choose to be born, but that child has the right to grow up in a safe warm loving environment (that can be provided by just the one parent). Not all cases are the same, so whilst were all sat around arguing over the rights of the parents, make sure the kids get some to, it saves a lot of heartache in the long run. Not all kids are going to understand that its safer if one parent doesnt have contact, but most kids are going to feel the effects of that family splitting up for years to come. Its the duty, not only of the parents, but of everyone to help those kids understand whats going on. It makes me wonder if little Johnny knows why daddys up a crane dressed like superman, and why shouldnt he know why, after all the whole things about him isnt it?
