Fathers for Justice

[sheothebudworths]

Sorry to hear that TC - best wishes.

 

[fat hamster]

Genuinely sorry to hear that things are so bad for you at the moment, TopCat.

 

[TopCat]

Thankfully I think most reasonable people agree that no gender has a monopoly on being either good or shite parents.
I have seen some excellent and some awful examples of post divorce parenting.

My step dad who is a smashing man has not seen his kids since his ex wife left for Ireland when the kids were 5 and 3 years old. She has poisoned the minds of the children and I think this causes him enormous anguish every day of his life. She got a third of his income untill the youngest was 18 ( I agree actually that he should pay and so did he) but the ex wife used to make accusations monthly that he had not paid (total bollocks) causing him to have to attend court to show receipts and bank statements proving the accusations to be lies. This played havoc with his career and a once successful specialised chemist ended up as a central heating engineer.

My mum however never, ever said a bad word about my dad, not once. She did all she could to encourage him to have contact and I have a huge admiration for this stance.

My sister is now divorcing and again she never says anything derogatory regarding her ex, she married him after all. She does all she can to encourage and facilitate a decent relationship between her ex and their son. He is now 6 and is at that stage where he is very close and admiring of his dad. Instead of feeling upset because she is needed less, she is pleased because she knows from experience how important having a good relationship with both parents is for the child.

My soon to be ex wife takes a somewhat different view. She screams abuse at me in front of the children, will not agree to (if I accept her wish and move out) "allow" staying access or any access where she is not present, expects to keep all of our assets and is striving to get me out of the house by stealing my keys, removing all bills and bank statements from the home, taking my name off of the car insurance. She won't discuss any attempt to find a reasonable and fair arrangement regarding the kids. She will only shout "all I want is you OUT"!

The pressure on me is enormous and that I remember so much of my parents divorce and the effect this had on me and my sister makes it sooo hard to bear. She knows this and does it the more. Being vicous and driven is not the preserve of any one gender.

All I can hope for is that she will calm down and discuss things rationally. All this in a marriage of 10 years with no adultery, no unreasonable behaviour, just love turning to hate. It makes my mind boggle at the thought of how bad it can get when other people are involved....


I am having to type this in the library as she has nicked the computer from home, I am off now to have a bit of a weep. No doubt I will get accused of self pity...

Blimey mojo pixy gave this post a like and up popped divorce horror that my family had to endure.
14 years later, well the kids are grown up. I am divorced and my ex wife lives with the man she had an affair with.
Edited to add, she broke up her blokes marriage and he does not see his daughter.

 

[mojo pixy]

Bumping this thread because a well-meaning friend of mine recently suggested I approach F4J for help. I tried to explain why I wasn't, but all could remember was that I'd had a bad experience with them, it was a while back and a lot of water has passed under my Family Court bridge since then.

Then today I checked my old emails and remembered what happened, and it deserves a post.

Back in 2014 I ''joined'' (paid a year's membership fee that they use to keep their forums clean and whatever else they use the money for). Explained my situation and the best help I got was ''find a good lawyer, here are some numbers'' (yeah fucking thanks for that then)

Anyway I had paid so I stayed a member - then in early 2015 discovered they'd changed their forums and upped their membership fee, and I couldn't log in any more. I contacted them to explain I'd paid for membership about 5 months before, they sent a standard email back saying ''Due to changes we've made for your security we're renewing all logins and we would ask that you begin your membership again''. Then they ignored my emails till I just decided I had better things to do than chase half a year's membership of F4J.

tl;dr, bunch of self-glorifying shysters.

They don't care about fathers, don't care about kids, they take ''membership fees'' that get you fuck all but sympathy from strangers. The name ''Fathers for Justice'' is an insult, frankly.

EtA:

Blimey mojo pixy gave this post a like and up popped divorce horror that my family had to endure.

Sorry about that. I'm glad it's far in the past!