Boy racer can’t drive home after speed bumps were put at every entrance to his village

[beesonthewhatnow]

This is, without any doubt, my favourite news story of the year.

Boy racer can't drive home because of speed bumps in village | Metro News

A boy racer is furious that he can no longer drive into his home village because his modified car gets stuck on speed bumps installed on every entry road. Christopher Fitzgibbon, 23, lowered the suspension of his VW Passat to just four inches off the ground to improve stability and ‘look fresh’. But he is gutted after council chiefs installed six-inch high speed bumps on the only three entry roads into his home village of Galbally in Limerick, Ireland.

 

[SpookyFrank]

‘I feel discriminated against because I’m driving a modified car – it’s lowered, so it’s four inches off the road – and I’m being denied my right to drive on these roads.’

What a fucking dickhead. It's not discrimination if it only happens to pointless bellends who voluntarily do some pointless bellend thing.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

All mods are shit, but a Passat?

 

[Sprocket.]

This thread deserves a bump already.

 

[Pickman's model]

All mods are shit

 

[SpookyFrank]

I hope they deliberately waited until he was out of town to put the speed bumps in.

 

[Celyn]

Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

 

[DotCommunist]

Passat has a boot, surely he can carry two planks in there and use them to get in and out of the village. Or a small ramp.

 

[Baronage-Phase]

Here he is...
Pointing well.

 

[gosub]

 

[blairsh]

Hydraulic suspension ftw

 

[dessiato]

He's from Limerick, there's got to be a limerick waiting to be written.

 

[alsoknownas]

Hydraulic suspension ftw

Precisely. Serious lack of posturing ambition there.

 

[Poot]

I survived the great 1980s quiff-and-spiral-perm-versus-doorframe conundrum and have nothing but sympathy. It's not easy being that cool.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

He's from Limerick, there's got to be a limerick waiting to be written.

not sure what rhymes with "dickhead"

 

[Baronage-Phase]

not sure what rhymes with "dickhead"

Sickbed?

 

[Sprocket.]

Passat has a boot, surely he can carry two planks in there and use them to get in and out of the village. Or a small ramp.

To go with the plank holding the steering wheel.

 

[fishfinger]

There was a young man from Limerick,
Who, to be honest was a bit of a dick.
He lowered his chassis,
'cause he thought it was classy
And now little bumps make him shit a brick.

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

Just checking for limerick purposes. Am I ok to rhyme Passat with asshat?

 

[keybored]

Not a fan of limericks but I could knock something up in the style of Dr. Seuss.

Working title is "The Twat in the Passat".

 

[existentialist]

There was a young man from Limerick,
Who, to be honest was a bit of a dick.
He lowered his chassis,
'cause he thought it was classy
And now little bumps make him shit a brick.

Not sure about the scansion on that last line - how about "And now little bumps make him shit a big brick"?

 

[SheilaNaGig]

There was a young person from limerick
Who made his car into a fourwheeled dick
He found it too slumped
To allow for the humps
And now he’s claiming that he's been tricked

 

[Baronage-Phase]

There was a young man from Limerick,
Who, to be honest was a bit of a dick.
He lowered his chassis,
'cause he thought it was classy
And now little bumps make him shit a brick.

Let me correct this for you

There was a young man from Limerick
We think he's a bit of a dick
He lowered his chassis
Cos he thought 'twould be classy
Now little bumps make him shit bricks.




Also...Galbally is on the Limerick Tipperary border. So there is that

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

There was a silly twat
Who wanted his car more flat
He got the hump
At the speed bump
Now he can’t get home, the prat

 

[Baronage-Phase]

There was a young lad from Galbally
He wanted to drive low down.
But found there were ramps
All over the road.
So he couldn't get round the town.

 

[fishfinger]

Not sure about the scansion on that last line - how about "And now little bumps make him shit a big brick"?

Let me correct this for you

There was a young man from Limerick
We think he's a bit of a dick
He lowered his chassis
Cos he thought 'twould be classy
Now little bumps make him shit bricks.




Also...Galbally is on the Limerick Tipperary border. So there is that

My first poem, and the critics are already hitting it hard

 

[Orang Utan]

Fella I went to uni with in South East London used to drive us all to get skunk in his lowered Fiat Punto. There's a lot of traffic bumps in that part of London and there were a lot of sickening scraping noises

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

There’s a few people here clearly in need of an education in the way a limerick is meant to scan

 

[T & P]

Has the word ‘fresh’ acquired a new meaning amongst today’s youth I’m not aware of? Because lowering the suspension of any car, let alone an older and uninspiring one, makes it look a number of additional ways, but ‘fresher’ certainly ain’t one.

 

[Ax^]

the best part is as its a small town


you can be it was done partly out of spite to the fella

saying that the passat does not even look that low in the pictures