What should the punishment be for swearing at a teacher?

[wtfftw]

No. I think you're setting a good example.

And you need to do something for you. as far as I can work out you basically hold everything together while running around after everyone else.

 

[wayward bob]

putting our entire lives on hold for the sake of the kids isn't good for any of us in the long run madz (including the kids).

 

[lizzieloo]

The kids. Mr madz also had a go at me a few weeks back. Maybe I should have waited.

Really don't know what to say, it's like you're the family punchbag

 

[madzone]

Really don't know what to say, it's like you're the family punchbag

It certainly feels like it sometimes.

 

[ShiftyBagLady]

It's fucking brilliant here atm. My straight A boy flunked his fucking mocks and had the worst report he's ever had in his life on the same day as my youngest gets excluded. Apparently it's all my fault for being selfish enough to do a degree.

Bloody hell. It's not like they are toddlers and totally dependant on you...
Sounds to me like they both need to think a little bit about personal responsibility.

I'm not sure that the school has followed to stages they must follow to permanently exclude a pupil, I think they are supposed to do one day, two day, week long blah blah blah. They're doing the managed transfer because they cant manage him and don't want to have an exclusion on their records. You could challenge it but I think it's probably better to go to a school who have staff experienced in deali with kids with ADHD(that's what he has right?)
If I were you I would tell the school that I would look into the school in question an it's suitability.
Then I would sit the whole family down and tell them that if they didn't stop treating me like a doormat that I would take the baby and leave. And i would too.
They seriously need to grow up and there's no reason on earth why you should put up with everybody blaming you for their cock ups

 

[sheothebudworths]

The kids. Mr madz also had a go at me a few weeks back. Maybe I should have waited.

FUCK THAT, lady!

That is the SINGLE fucking thing you do for yourself in your life....really, really, REALLY fuck thinking shit like that, even for a second (and I reckon I'd just *go deaf* to any complaints about it if they can't see that for themselves...seriously let that fly right over your head, don't give it a thought...it's just bollocks that other people are only throwing at you in ridiculous, brattish attempts to defend their own failures ).

I hope the new school goes better.

 

[rover07]

How old is he?

My advice would be to teach him at home and avoid all this stress.

 

[spirals]

Madzone there will never be a right time for you to do something for you as far as they are concerned because then they'd have to step up and take responsibility and be held accountable for their own decisions and actions I say this as nicely as possible but FUCK THEM! Your degree won't take forever and it's not like you are at uni 24/7! If they can't cope without you during the few hours a day (whilst they should be at school or working any way) then they need to learn how to sharpish because you won't always be there! The only one you need to thinking for (probably) is the baby, the rest of them are surely able to organise themselves!

(there may be a slight element of transference in this post)

 

[nagapie]

Good luck at the new school, you've got nothing to lose. Especially as with a managed move he'll be given a lot of support to start with, should be. Only problem with a managed move is he can be sent back if it doesn't work out.

 

[wayward bob]

How old is he?

My advice would be to teach him at home and avoid all this stress.

and do this how exactly when mr m is at work and madz is at college all week?

 

[FaradayCaged]

When I said fuck off, and it wasnt even at the teacher, I got banned from the lesson for the rest of the year and it was in year 11 GCSE year. Cunt.

 

[quimcunx]

Sounds like the current school just don't want to be bothered. Hopefully the next one is better and you can be engaged more with them.

And bollocks should you give up your course. I agree with shifty. Tell 'em you're moving out with the baby if they don't buck up their ideas, laddos.

 

[_angel_]

It's fucking brilliant here atm. My straight A boy flunked his fucking mocks and had the worst report he's ever had in his life on the same day as my youngest gets excluded. Apparently it's all my fault for being selfish enough to do a degree.

That's ridiculous, you could be working fulltime, would they blame you for that as well?

 

[weepiper]

That's ridiculous, you could be working fulltime, would they blame you for that as well?

Exactly, what they do and how they behave when they're at school is basically their own fucking problem, they're not babies and they should stop expecting to get away with behaving as if they are (IMsomewhatharshO)

 

[madzone]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. I know it's not reasonable and I know I don't deserve it but it still makes me feel like shit.

 

[equationgirl]

I have nothing but awe, admiration and respect for you, Madzone.

And my offer to come down and kick some arse still stands - who looked after you during your recent flu in the end? Or have they forgotten about that?

It is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong.

 

[wayward bob]

can you swing any extra support/extensions etc with your disability peeps if you feel you need to be home a bit more atm madz? obvs i totally understand if home is the last place you wanna be right now

 

[Ceej]

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were so all-powerful, Madz, that your very presence would sort out their worlds? You're a convenient excuse for others totally failing to keep their end up.You're an absolute model of strength and endurance. And as for Mr.Madz.... ...helpful, not.

 

[madzone]

I wish I felt as strong as people seem to think I am

Right now I just feel weak, stupid and unloveable.

 

[madzone]

can you swing any extra support/extensions etc with your disability peeps if you feel you need to be home a bit more atm madz? obvs i totally understand if home is the last place you wanna be right now

Nail on head - I'd rather be anywhere but here. I get a physical lifting of stress when I get onto the bypass I've got a pretty stressful asignment on the go atm but that gets handed in on Tuesday and then it's just self directed studio work till 8th Feb when the midstream assessments happen. Of course I've managed to convince myself that I'll be lucky to scrape a 2:2.

 

[Glitter]

How is it YOUR fault that THEY haven't done what they're supposed to do?

What's the justification?

Would not doing a degree stopped one from swearing and passed the exams of the other?

 

[equationgirl]

I wish I felt as strong as people seem to think I am

Right now I just feel weak, stupid and unloveable.

You are none of those things, madzone.

The others have to start pulling their weight and help you out. The only one who can't is your little girl! Those three are extremely capable of pushing the hoover round, sorting out a load of laundry or doing the dishes. It's about time they started.

 

[SLK]

My youngest got excluded for 3 days a couple of weeks ago for telling a teacher to fuck off. It ended up being 4 days because they can't go back into school until they've been interviewed be a senior member of staff and none were available.

So, he's done it again. He mumbled it at a teacher when she'd pissed him off and a passing teacher heard him. He has adhd and it mainly presents itself in hyperactivity but he also has major oppositional issues. The school deals out really heavy handed punishments for stuff like this and I think they paint themselves into a corner.

I've actually been working really closely with the school since September and after a rocky start we seemed to be actually getting somewhere. There was a very useful meeting with the Ed Psych where she was able to tell them that most of the stuff they're seeing from him is related to the adhd. However, the school are still working from the pov that if he 'gets away with it' then they'll have to let other kids 'get away' with it too.

Anyway - he's done it again (different teacher) and they want to put him in internal exclusion for a week. That means he's in a room on his own all day with different lunch breaks and different start/finish times to the rest of the school. I'm not happy with it because I think it's going to create more problems than it solves.

They're open to discussion and I agree that he shouldn't be allowed to swear at a teacher with no repercussion at all but I'd like the repercussions to be useful. Putting him in internal exclusion just makes him angry and more likely to kick off.

Any ideas?

Hard to say; obviously depends on context, and I understand as his mother you would be upset. It seems harsh, especially considering ADHD. Remember, they're not enemies. Listen to them. If you think it is harsh, say so and why.

I don't think schools should have a tariff system.

 

[SLK]

The head isn't going to be happy. He knows I can't stand him and he also knows I can run rings round him in an argument (if I manage not to lose my temper first ) They make all this npise about being a modern school but they're still stcuk in the fucking dark ages when it comes to stuff like this.

With respect, I do think that this might be a part of the problem. And I mean you perceiving that as much as anything.

 

[lizzieloo]

 

[sheothebudworths]

With respect to yourself, SLK, this problem is older than this thread itself, let alone the posts you've quoted (read on?)....and madz has listened and spoken to them and tried to find workable solutions each time....and it's gone beyond resolving this within that school now....but ultimately, this has been a clear case of the school failing to work consistently to support one of their pupils (alongside a willing, committed, involved parent)....and that is all.

 

[madzone]

What Sheo said. This has gone on for months. It's actually been going on for years but since his diagnosis they've got much worse with saying they'll do one thing then doing another. He has never been given a significant amount of time to make any long lasting changes because the school keep changing the goalposts. Not every now and then but on a daily basis. I was in school for a meeting on Thursday and was told that if he 'misbehaved' again the punishment would be that he spent the next day in the LSR. That evening I got a phonecall saying he'd been excluded. He had been specifically told by the deputy head who I was in constant meetings with, that they wouldn't exclude him, no matter what he did. I know she said that because I was there. It reassured me that they realised that this wasn't going to change overnight.

He has to take responsibility for his own behaviour ultimately but he does have adhd and reasonable adjustments need to be made for that. Some of his behaviour hasn't been adhd-related, it's been from sheer frustration at the way the school behave. Apparently the women who works in the LRC has already been slagging him off to the other kids. It deosn't surprise me in the least and kind of sums up what the school is like.

Interestingly, I have a lot of friends who have either sent their kids to his new school or who have kids there atm. No-one has a seriously bad word to say about the place. However, the school he's leaving is a whole different kettle of fish. Two friends of mine have taken their kids out and a woman I'm at uni with says she's nearing the end of her tether with them.

This is going to be hard and I'm angry, hurt and exhausted but I have my fingers crossed that the people at the new school might actually listen and hopefully be consistent in how they deal with him.

 

[ShiftyBagLady]

Sounds like he will be better out of that place, I wouldn't put my child in the care of people who behaved liked that towards him or in an environment which made him that frustrated. It's not good for him and it will teach him bad habits and poor lessons in how people ought to behave towards each other.
That said, he cannot be allowed to get a hint of the notion that it is your fault; it's important that he sees you as helping and supporting him. Allowing the idea that you might be responsible to take root will do nobody any good. Not just because it's obviously WRONG but because it's hurtful to you and it absolves him of his responsibility and the need to anticipate the consequence of his actions.

Is there any other school that might be suited to him? You might be able to find one closer and get the school to arrange a managed transfer to that school instead.

 

[ShiftyBagLady]

Remember, they're not enemies.

Nor are they behaving as allies.

 

[madzone]

Sounds like he will be better out of that place, I wouldn't put my child in the care of people who behaved liked that towards him or in an environment which made him that frustrated. It's not good for him and it will teach him bad habits and poor lessons in how people ought to behave towards each other.
That said, he cannot be allowed to get a hint of the notion that it is your fault; it's important that he sees you as helping and supporting him. Allowing the idea that you might be responsible to take root will do nobody any good. Not just because it's obviously WRONG but because it's hurtful to you and it absolves him of his responsibility and the need to anticipate the consequence of his actions.

Is there any other school that might be suited to him? You might be able to find one closer and get the school to arrange a managed transfer to that school instead.

The other schools would be out of the frying pan and into the fire. The school he's going to seems to deal better with people 'like us'. There's a possibility that the LA will provide transport to the new school. If they don't I'll be appealing. The old school ought to back us up in that at the very least.