What should the punishment be for swearing at a teacher?

[Quartz]

My youngest got excluded for 3 days a couple of weeks ago for telling a teacher to fuck off. It ended up being 4 days because they can't go back into school until they've been interviewed be a senior member of staff and none were available.

Whatever happened to doing lines? Or copying out Shakespeare? Are you also punishing him?

 

[Maurice Picarda]

Whatever happened to doing lines? Or copying out Shakespeare?

On the whole, schools are as concerned about drug use as they are about plagiarism.

 

[madzone]

The meeting yesterday was ok. It was with the deputy head who's the one who actually takes charge of what's going on with him. The frustration is that we've had so many meetings with different people and then she doesn't get the informaiton so we're always back to square one.

Anyway - she had the copy of the Ed Psych report this time and it was saying about how low my boys' self esteem is. It was also saying about a reward system, which the deputy head was happy to try. She hadn't quite grasped how to do it for an adhd kid though and was talking about him geting a reward if he had 5 days worth of positive comments from teacghers. At the moment he hasn't stayed in school a whole week for about 6 weeks so I had to explain to her that she had to reduce it right down. I explained that when we're trying to address stuff at home we have to pick one thing and overlook the rest - for example, if we're trying to get him to come home off the bus we might have to put up with him swearing at us while we're working on the other thing iyswim.

The Ed Psych report had his projected grades for gcse and if he continues the way he is now (i.e. being a little fucker) then he's on course to get B's in everything and is one step away from an A in Science. I think that's what they find a bit hard to deal with. Apparently they had a special meeting dedicated just to him and the Head had been into one of his English lessons to observe him. My boy spent the whole lesson fiddling about with his pens and other stuff he collected through the lesson and made them into a tower. To all intents and purposes it looked like he wasn't paying any attention at all but when the teacher asked something at the end he gave a shit-hot answer. I think it was really good for the Head to see that.

It turns out that one of his closest friends and another boy he hangs about with have just been excluded and are going to a short stay school. What was really useful is that the deputy head said they're all working so hard to keep him in the school that there's absolutely no chance of that happening to him. She was emphatic that they won't kick him out no matter what he does. She said that even if they had been thinking about kicking him out that he wouldn't go to the same short stay school because his close friend has gone there and they don't allow close friends to go together. What's clear is that despite all the fuss he's causing, key people in the school still really like him. I also think it helps that I'm obviously willing to go in and help sort stuff out. I find it exhausting but if he's still managing to get projected B's in his gcse's then I guess I owe it to everyone to stay involved as much as possible, especially seeing as the school are now working so hard.

So - that's where we are right now. He has a ridiculously small target of having to go to two maths lessons and stay in them before they break up on Thursday and I'm going back in at the beginning of next term to help set a new target. Fingers crossed.

 

[TopCat]

Is it too late to blame the parent?

 

[equationgirl]

Sounds like you're getting somewhere, madz - and those projected grades should show the difficult teachers that he shouldn't be written off. I hope he makes the target. Did you speak to her about him not getting the drum lessons?

 

[madzone]

He's been excluded. They're liasing with another school to do a managed transfer.

 

[lizzieloo]

He's been excluded. They're liasing with another school to do a managed transfer.

For swearing?

They sounded like they had his card marked.

 

[madzone]

For swearing?

They sounded like they had his card marked.

It didn't stop. His behaviour has got worse and worse. They've given him loads of mixed messages but he's been acting like a little fucker for weeks now. He swore at loads of teachers today and kicked off all over the place. They've had enough. He might do better at the other school but it's 10 miles away.

 

[lizzieloo]

What does he think?

 

[madzone]

He doesn't know yet. He's out. I just had the phonecall this evening.

 

[weepiper]

Oh gawd madz. Hugs.

 

[moomoo]

Oh bloody hell.

 

[lizzieloo]

From what you said earlier in this thread about the school he was at it could be a good thing, it depends on his reaction, is he the sort of kid that would wear an "expulsion badge" with pride?

 

[Pickman's model]

depends on the design of the badge i suppose.

 

[lizzieloo]

depends on the design of the badge i suppose.

 

[Pickman's model]

haha

 

[madzone]

From what you said earlier in this thread about the school he was at it could be a good thing, it depends on his reaction, is he the sort of kid that would wear an "expulsion badge" with pride?

No, he's going to be fucking furious. I said to him earlier that they were nearing the end of their tether with him and he went mental. Mr madz has gone to pick him up now so it'll be fireworks for the rest of the night no doubt.

 

[lizzieloo]

Fucking hell

 

[Ceej]

Well late to this one, but you can contest the permanent exclusion if you want to, Madz. It could be argued that that your son has been discriminated against under the DDA - it could be deemed that his diagnois constitutes a disability. Do you have an advocacy service anywhere near you - you could contact Elfrida Rathbone in London and see if they know of a similar organisaton in your neck of the woods - they are brilliant at supporting families having problems with schools, real bulldogs.

http://www2.elfridacamden.org.uk/

Good luck.

 

[purenarcotic]

So sorry to hear that Madz, must be incredibly stressful.

I suppose you can only hope that the school he is moved to is better trained and equipped to deal with ADHD, so would actually be able to make some serious strides in improving matters.

Would he find it better to cope with the move if it was seen as a fresh start more than a punishment? A sort of chance to wipe the slate clean, start afresh, start positive type of thing?

 

[equationgirl]

So sorry to hear this madzone

Like purenarcotic says, more of a fresh start than a punishment? Better now than through his exams though, although sounds like his behaviour isn't helping things.

 

[ymu]

Have you got documentary evidence of them failing to live up to their side of the bargain? They need challenging on this - and I have every faith that you're exactly the woman to do it.

 

[wayward bob]

oh madz nothing helpful to add but have a cwtch x

 

[madzone]

I'm not going to challenge it. He's never going to thrive there and their mixed messages do my head in let alone him. The school he'll transfer to is an art based one so he may do better there anyway and he'll be away from a couple of people who really weren't doing him any good. It might all turn out for the best.

 

[wayward bob]

hope so

 

[Clair De Lune]

I hope the new school is better for him madz x

 

[Quartz]

I agree with the fresh start comments.

 

[madzone]

It's fucking brilliant here atm. My straight A boy flunked his fucking mocks and had the worst report he's ever had in his life on the same day as my youngest gets excluded. Apparently it's all my fault for being selfish enough to do a degree.

 

[lizzieloo]

It's fucking brilliant here atm. My straight A boy flunked his fucking mocks and had the worst report he's ever had in his life on the same day as my youngest gets excluded. Apparently it's all my fault for being selfish enough to do a degree.

Who's blaming you?

 

[madzone]

Who's blaming you?

The kids. Mr madz also had a go at me a few weeks back. Maybe I should have waited.