Weedy things you say (and sing) to cats

[Wintermute]

Ok. So there's the standard "big person number one comes back in the evening" greeting, which goes something like this:

"Hey Lara, what you been up to today? Busy yeah? Oh, tell me about it. You and me both mate"
<miaow.>
"Yeah, I'm fucking starving. Lets see what you've got for dinner first. Well fucking check it out, it's chunks of meat in this disgusting jelly stuff. You're gonna love this."
<miaow. purr.>
Ok, lets have your food bowl then, and I'll.. GET OFF MY FUCKING BASTARD HAND YOU EVIL FUCKING PSYCHO!
<miaow. purr. rub against leg.>


But the cat song of the moment is unfortunately copied straight from the queen of cat songs:

Lara cat, Lara cat
Why are you so fuckingfat?
Lara cat, La-ra caaat
You fucking fat hairy evil psycho stalker caaaattt.

 

[Vintage Paw]

I treat our cat Charlie differently, with different voices etc., depending on what mood or persona he has at any one time. He has an utterly adorable but everso slightly stupid kitty persona to which I respond in tones of general cooing and 'mummy loves her little charlie, who's the best boy? You's the best boy'. He also has his I am an evil ruler of the world persona, to which I ask him questions as I would speak to people, and then answer for him in an "oh really, well I am a cat, Human, and am above you" type of voice.

I do sing to him, but cannot at present think what - I think I make it up as and when the situation calls for it.

Mr Vintage Paw tends to shout lots of things like "OI Charlie, stop ripping up the bastard carpet at 4am", and "OI, stop it - he's eating my foot" as he tries to get into bed.

Cats - you gotta love em!

 

[FridgeMagnet]

I'm catless at the moment, but I have been calling the dog a "hairy poo-machine" today. Because she is.

 

[butterfly child]

"Hail piggies well met"

Have no idea where the original, unpiggied version comes from....

I'm thinly read

 

[kea]

'hail fellow well met'. see here -
http://www.bartleby.com/59/4/hailfellowwe.html

"A term describing a person who is superficially friendly and is always trying to gain friends. Such a person may also be referred to as a “glad-hander.”"

 

[RubyToogood]

Aah, I know so many of those and never knew what they were!

At the moment I occasionally find myself singing "Brian.... his name was Briiian" to the cat (whose name is Brian).

He's definitely not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy.

 

[kea]

@ ruby - "He had arms... and legs... and hands... and feet" - there are probably a lot of very confused kitties out there

 

[Donna Ferentes]

Spoken:

And Pussycat's a pussycat
And Pussycat's a cat.
And Pussycat's a pussycat
And Pussycat's a cat.

 

[Hellsbells]

My cats look at me as though I'm completely pathetic when I try and talk to them in silly voices, saying silly nonsensical things. So I normally have normal human type conversations with them. We often have long deep and meaningfuls about life and the universe. It's great.

 

[Donna Ferentes]

Here's a nice little song for feeding time, sung to the tune of Funiculi, Funicula (I believe Mario Lanza* did a version):

Cat food, cat food, very good for cats
Cat food, cat food, very good for cats
For cats for cats for cats for cats for cats for cats for caaaaaaaats -
The cats are eating cat food and they're getting very fat.

[* = ask your mother]

 

[Mrs Magpie]

Here's a nice little song....Funiculi, Funicula

Which I thought was about this sort of thing
www.hows.org.uk/personal/rail/

 

[Donna Ferentes]

And so it is

 

[Mrs Magpie]

Oh good, English people have pointed and laughed at me before about this.

 

[Cloo]

Various mad stuff about 'My funny small furry splodge-face woman ponk' and 'Flibby baby silly-face attacky paws', 'Little looney cat woman creature' and 'Noo-noo baby splodge-cat aren't you?'

 

[Donna Ferentes]

...yes, you are, aren't you? Yes you are.

 

[Ms T]

You know you are.

 

[Cloo]

I like referring to my cat as a 'woman' - there's just something quite amusing about it.

 

[Donna Ferentes]

I once did the opposite.

 

[Stigmata]

My little sister doesn't like it when I pretend to strangle our cats. They don't seem to give a toss about it, but she's convinced i'm causing them long-term psychological damage.

 

[RubyToogood]

I once saw an interview in a magazine with Spike Milligan, illustrated with a great photo of him apparently strangling one of his cats.

 

[Donna Ferentes]

Sung, to the tune of You're In The Army Now:

We're just a couple of cats
We're just a couple of cats
We're cats, we're cats, we're cats, we're cats
We're just a couple of cats.

 

[West68thStreet]

"Hewwo Dweorge! Who wants full-body love with love towel Dworgeous! Dworgeous does!"

 

[passenger]

MC Skipper d style

one kitten two kitten three maybe four i can see couple

of kittens there should be couple more life in this house

is rugged and raw meow on the kitchen floor

 

[flimsier]

I don't speak - it tends to alert them to my presence and then I can't get close enought to make a hard connection with the shovel.

 

[Chester Copperpot]

I call annie a little bunsa - I don't atually know what that means but it seems to fit. Nance has also started ralling her pumpkin to which she always responds with an eek.

 

[jd]

Yes - "You're so thick/furry/wet it's unbelievable" is quite common. Depends on mood.

I found myself singing "you're just a small cat in Peckham" to him yesterday.

 

[Chester Copperpot]

Other names for annie are: annie donka, annie donsa or just plain donka

 

[Ms T]

Hello Mr Purry. Who's a purry cat? Who's a purry, furry cat then. Mr Purry is. Oh yes he is.

 

[liberty]

Nocats to say things to but I'm sure pup tomorrow will hear a few

 

[oryx]

"Look at his magnificent auburn & ermine pelt!" For some unknown reason I always talk to my cat in the third person.

Reversing the subject of this thread for a moment, does anyone else's cat have the ability to nag them to death without actually saying anything?

Mine is bringing his suppertime forwards by five minutes every day by means of pleading looks, sitting looking hungry by his bowl, cupboard love etc.