The urban party

[cupid_stunt]

teuchter Department for Transport junior minister responsible for roads policy.

Spymaster Minister for peace and pot pissing.

...and another Department for Transport junior minister responsible for cycling policy.

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

I’ve had a think overnight and decided you’re all fired. From now on the army will simply be implementing my direct orders. Benevolent dictatorship is the way forward now.

 

[A380]

I want to be in charge of arresting public facetimers

Take a number.

 

[Supine]

Putting me in charge of H&S is a good idea. I was a member of the IOSH. I was also trained in accident investigation. This plays to my strengths.

We’ve all had enough of experts.

 

[dessiato]

We’ve all had enough of experts.

I'm not exactly an expert, look at my record, I just did the courses and passed the exams.

 

[BigMoaner]

Take a number.

Really thought my rage at public noise on here had put me first inline I was already planning a second term on which I would propose Gulags for Tic Tok listeners who don't use headlines, and then extermination for second offences

 

[BigMoaner]

On a national express as we speak and heartened by the many very stern messages over the speaker at the start to USE YOUR FUCKING HEADPHONES (I paraphrase) if you want to listen to things on your phone

 

[Pickman's model]

Putting me in charge of H&S is a good idea. I was a member of the IOSH. I was also trained in accident investigation. This plays to my strengths.

Accident investigation. Not accident prevention.

 

[xenon]

Can I be minister without portfolio?

 

[friedaweed]

Can I be minister without portfolio?

Portillo you say...

OK here's your yellow trousers.

 

[Pickman's model]

Can I be minister without portfolio?

The minister not for the arts

 

[Kevbad the Bad]

Can I be minister without portfolio?

Too late. I've already claimed that job.

 

[DownwardDog]

Here's your DD Transport Strategy.

• Public ownership of all major transport infrastructure paid for by convertible bonds sold to anybody with an NI number.
• Road pricing on motorways and it'll be expensive. Pill sweetened by unrestricted sections like the Autobahn.
• Close pointless regional airports like Teesside.
• London - Newcastle - Edinburgh and London - Manchester - Glasgow Shinkansen with accelerated planning legislation. Sorry, people with nice gardens on the route, u r fucked.
• City centres are pedestrian first, cyclists second and cars nowhere.
• Driverless trains everywhere, especially London Underground.
• Zero VAT on bikes and accessories. Except Pashleys.
• National electic car charging network operated by franchisees.

There are probably reasons why all or most or some of that won't work but we've had enough of experts. Just remember you could have had Grant Shapps instead of me and be grateful.

 

[xenon]

The minister not for the arts

Too late. I've already claimed that job.

Actually I do still have a portfolio behind the wardrobe, so maybe I'm not eligable.

I'll take Chancellor of Lancaster.

 

[Pickman's model]

Actually I do still have a portfolio behind the wardrobe, so maybe I'm not eligable.

I'll take Chancellor of Lancaster.

You'll have to fight the incumbent Alan Milburn for that, in the traditional way, using cudgels

 

[Orang Utan]

I can just about keep a fire going so can I be energy secretary? Can’t be worse than any predecessors

 

[Orang Utan]

I nominate RoyReed as Minister With Portfolio

 

[Smangus]

As No 10 cat I feel I should remind visitors that strokes will only be tolerated when accompanied by the required Dreamies tax payment on entry to the premises.

Hisses and souvenir scratches however are free, tripley so for any Torys who show their face.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

As No 10 cat I feel I should remind visitors that strokes will only be tolerated when accompanied by the required Dreamies tax payment on entry to the premises.

Hisses and souvenir scratches however are free, tripley so for any Torys who show their face.

what about inter-species solidarity with foxes, though?

Cat v fox: what made Downing Street’s Larry so brave?

The chief mouser was seen on camera chasing away a larger intruder on his patch. Experts explain his behaviour

www.theguardian.com

 

[Sue]

Can I be a backbencher? Take advantage of the cheap restaurants/bars, chill out and get paid?

 

[ouirdeaux]

You left out the coke in toilets.

 

[Orang Utan]

You left out the coke in toilets.

How kind of them

 

[Sue]

Pickman's model - ministry of internal affairs

Surely Pickman's model -- Minister for Justice and Retribution and Keeper of The List..?

 

[PR1Berske]

Probably someone out of the banned members list

Call a by-election with just banned members as candidates.

 

[SpookyFrank]

I’ve had a think overnight and decided you’re all fired. From now on the army will simply be implementing my direct orders. Benevolent dictatorship is the way forward now.

You must first defeat the fanatical guerilla armies of my continuity dictatorship. Good luck.

 

[elbows]

How is Urbonomics going? Have lettuce pie rations gone up again as a result?

 

[A380]

Surely Pickman's model -- Minister for Justice and Retribution and Keeper of The List..?

Better known as Emperor Penguin...

 

[A380]

How is Urbonomics going? ...

The pound and the markets have crashed wiping billions from peoples pensions and smashing them for more mortgage payments just when inflation is through the roof.

ETA, sorry meant to post this on the real Government thread...

 

[not-bono-ever]

Minister for defenestration

 

[Chz]

While I like the idea, I'm pretty sure an actual Urban75 political party would quickly show the Tories how to do backstabbing and infighting properly.