Feeling like I am doomed to live in suburbia forever

[Boris Sprinkler]

Alternatively go.
Go somewhere completely different that scares you.

 

[Boris Sprinkler]

And when that becomes apparent as too much to bear, come back and try and figure out what bothered you in the first place.
Replace desire with preference.

 

[moomoo]

getting stabbed because you live in a city klaxon!

The local high street has been closed at least twice since I’ve been here because of stabbings and my shop is regularly robbed by people who may or may not have knives. I think I have a valid fear that I never had before.

 

[cesare]

I dunno man. Have you met the city? I just don't know if that is a thing.

I lived in the City for 20 odd years and it was quiet, virtually silent.

 

[story]

The local high street has been closed at least twice since I’ve been here because of stabbings and my shop is regularly robbed by people who may or may not have knives. I think I have a valid fear that I never had before.

Okay, I think it’s just a different way we have of contextualising this stuff.

I’ve been within hearing distance (and once within ducking distance) of three bombs and countless bomb scares, but never felt like I was going to be bombed. There have been stabbings mugging and shootings on the streets I live in, the shop I work in has been held up at gun point, and there is further crime of all kinds including police shootings and gun sieges, murders, rapes etc in my neighbourhood and I don’t feel personally threatened by any of it.

Earthquakes, on the other hand…. I’ve been in three and I’d never ever live anywhere where there was any risk of earthquake.


Eta
So it’s perceived threat rather than real threat.

 

[Eivets Rednow]

Eivets Rednow
If I were wanting to move into London and start a new life right now I’d choose a locality that has its own downtown and village thing going on. Definitely not Kensington, which has always been a dead zone culturally unless you’re rich and like rich-people culture. For me, it would have to be a place that’s not dominated by white people, on the Tube system, independent shops and eating places some local music, a market, a decent public park etc. So basically, Brixton. Peckham is good but transport can be tricky. Camberwell is alright. I’d consider Greenlanes too.

Would you be renting or buying? Either way London is fantastically overpriced. One of the reasons I’d never move out is because it would be double-difficult to ever move back.

Hello, thank you for your questions. My fantasy is Kensington because that is where I travel through whenever I get the National Express home. I imagine I am going out for dinner in Kensington with the locals in their sparkling cafes. I used to spend a fair amount of time in Kensington a few years ago and it is quite homely to me even if I’ve never had a home there.

I totally get what you’re saying though and in reality I’ll never have the 10 million pounds I would need for a Central West London flat. There is no way I would be able to buy in London right now by myself. If I coupled up in the next couple of years then it’s something I could consider but a lot would need to adjust with my ex and his geography for our childcare arrangements to work. Not impossible to resolve.

However in my future fantasy I would be earning loads of money from a lucrative business and would be able to afford spontaneity and to go wherever the wind blows me. And that would mean enough money to resolve discrepancies in geography, etc.

I would love to be in a position where I didn’t need to worry about renting/buying. Buying is cheaper in places that the National Express drops to….

 

[VivaE]

I've never lived in suburbia, never would, never could.

Absolutely loved every single bit of central London city life, now loving every single bit of rural Irish coastal life. Both giving me the same albeit different rush and lust for life.

Sorry, just to add, no offence intended to suburbanites or surburban life, just that I grew up in the absolute middle of nowhere Ireland, did and loved the London city life, but the call of the wild (Northumbrian and Atlantic coasts in my case) has always had the much stronger claim on me. I'm back to where I belong, I guess. With my Northumbrian.

 

[Skim]

Currently in zone 3, which is suburban-ish but still feels central enough. I like it here, but have been wanting a change.

Next year, we’re planning to sell up in London and move to a small village of 400 people, with no pub or public transport.

I love London and have been here all my adult life. But now I want something completely different: lots more time outdoors, being closer to the coast, fewer people around me.

 

[Rebecca Riot]

I live here.

View attachment 451253

Public transport is shit to the point of non-existence, stuff is generally more expensive, the kids all move away the first chance they get, it rains a lot, but it's home to me.

I grew up in suburbia. Not so bad, but I guess I didn't know what I was missing...

Couldn't agree more.

I grew up in Essex suburbia, moving to the Welsh countryside when I was 21 and have never looked back.

 

[pbsmooth]

The local high street has been closed at least twice since I’ve been here because of stabbings and my shop is regularly robbed by people who may or may not have knives. I think I have a valid fear that I never had before.

It’s incredibly rare for a random person to be stabbed. And I’d genuinely wonder if random attacks are just as common outside a big city. Unless you’re involved in gang life, it’s incredibly unlikely. It just comes across as a lazy false stereotype of urban life.

 

[moomoo]

It’s incredibly rare for a random person to be stabbed. And I’d genuinely wonder if random attacks are just as common outside a big city. Unless you’re involved in gang life, it’s incredibly unlikely. It just comes across as a lazy false stereotype of urban life.

I lived in London for many years and was never scared but admittedly I was much younger and the thought of being attacked never crossed my mind. As it didn’t when I lived elsewhere. My daughter and I happily walked through a park in the dark in Malvern this evening and didn’t give it a second thought. We felt completely safe. Whereas if I get the train home at night I will get an Uber from the station rather than walk the ten minutes home in the dark. I don’t need you to tell me how to feel thanks.

 

[pbsmooth]

I’m terrified in the countryside that a farmer is going to shoot me or I’ll get eaten by a cow. Horses for courses, I guess!

 

[planetgeli]

It’s incredibly rare for a random person to be stabbed. And I’d genuinely wonder if random attacks are just as common outside a big city. Unless you’re involved in gang life, it’s incredibly unlikely. It just comes across as a lazy false stereotype of urban life.

Bollocks. Statistics aren't the same as perception and they aren't any modifier of it easily either. It's not a lazy false stereotype of urban life to a woman who lives in it, it's a real fear with heightened consequences.

You're mansplaining.

 

[planetgeli]

I’m terrified in the countryside that a farmer is going to shoot me or I’ll get eaten by a cow. Horses for courses, I guess!

Not frightened the cow might rape you down an alleyway though. AmIrite?

 

[8ball]

Not frightened the cow might rape you down an alleyway though. AmIrite?

I grew up in the sticks and this was really incredibly rare.

 

[smmudge]

I live in a strange place that has the peace and scenery of a small town in the country, but feels like the community activity of a large city.

There are plenty of cliffs and beaches for walking in big open spaces. Small country lanes, street lights off at midnight, wear a reflective jacket when out at night and take a torch. Ropey bus service.

But also many many restaurants, bars and pubs everywhere. Great food, a lively music scene, any type of music you like by local musicians. 3 theatres and shows all the time. All hobbies, sports, interests are catered for. 2 big sports grounds, semi professional sports clubs or just socially. People from all over the world and lots of history. And it only takes 20 mins to drive anywhere.

You can leave your bike unlocked and it won't get nicked.

It is expensive though!

 

[ouirdeaux]

Bollocks. Statistics aren't the same as perception and they aren't any modifier of it easily either. It's not a lazy false stereotype of urban life to a woman who lives in it, it's a real fear with heightened consequences.

You're mansplaining.

I'm a woman. I think it's a lazy false stereotype, based on my experience of roughly a quarter century of working shifts and being in all sorts of parts of London at night.

 

[ID47]

Got forced out of London by no fault eviction and unaffordable rents. Miss it and its people greatly, I only know the South of UK and have relocated to the South East coast which isn't great but at least close-ish to London. Brighton, Hastings and Eastbourne are just about survivable but anywhere west of Reading or Worthing to be avoided like the plague in my experience (Bristol and Swansea excepted).

Believe me it doesn't get better than London you won't miss it until its gone.

 

[planetgeli]

I'm a woman. I think it's a lazy false stereotype, based on my experience of roughly a quarter century of working shifts and being in all sorts of parts of London at night.

Yeah because nothing happens until it happens.

JFC. moomoo 's concerns are legitimate. You are arguing for pbsmooth who is saying 'stabbings are rare' (15,000 in London last year alone, up from 12000 the previous year) and

And I’d genuinely wonder if random attacks are just as common outside a big city

while adding

’m terrified in the countryside that a farmer is going to shoot me or I’ll get eaten by a cow.

just to belittle things like.

I've lived 25 years in London, inner London before that went posh, and know where I felt safer let alone my (now dead) partner felt safer and why.

moomoo has no need to be denigrated for her legitimate fear in this way.

 

[planetgeli]

And farmers shoot themselves you fucking know-nothing twats.

 

[geminisnake]

Different people like to live in different places, each to their own.

Personally I would hate to live in a big city, a big town is about my limit, but I am much happier in a village TBH.

I would hate to live in a village now, we live at the end of a row of 12 houses, I can see the North sea and the Bellrock lighthouse(some people think this is ace for some reason), I'm between Aberdeen and Dundee so cities are there if needed.
I like not having to interact with people on a daily basis, I can't be bothered with it anymore

London is way too busy for me and I like to be able to breathe proper fresh air.

 

[rubbershoes]

A village pub is essential for me, I was a bit disappointed that one out of the two had closed before I moved here, but delighted to discover three micro-pubs had opened up instead.

Well, one is more of a cafe during the day, but turns into a pub from early evening.

So many village pubs are closing. And if it's the only one on the village it would be a real pain

 

[lazythursday]

Where I live is kind of a blend of urban, rural and suburban. My immediate surroundings are quite suburban, but I'm literally five minutes walk from fields and my view is of woods and moors. But I'm also five mins walk from tower blocks. I like the contrasts. I like the fact I can walk to bleak moorland and a town centre in 45 mins.

 

[Cloo]

Our neighbours are selling up, which is surprising as they've only been here 5-6 years and did a lot of work to the house recently. They are both police officers and I do have to wonder if, having probably seen the worst of London, they've decided they don't want to bring their kids up here, albeit the local neighbourhood is pretty safe.

 

[ID47]

Okay, I think it’s just a different way we have of contextualising this stuff.

I’ve been within hearing distance (and once within ducking distance) of three bombs and countless bomb scares, but never felt like I was going to be bombed. There have been stabbings mugging and shootings on the streets I live in, the shop I work in has been held up at gun point, and there is further crime of all kinds including police shootings and gun sieges, murders, rapes etc in my neighbourhood and I don’t feel personally threatened by any of it.

Earthquakes, on the other hand…. I’ve been in three and I’d never ever live anywhere where there was any risk of earthquake.


Eta
So it’s perceived threat rather than real threat.

Seconded, especially in a dodgy 40 story developing world tower block.

 

[petee]

Got forced out of London by no fault eviction

very sorry to read that. here in NYC there is an active tenants' interest lobby and there has been for a century. my own tenancy is on a non-market program written into the NYS consitution (a recent challenge by landlords was dismissed by the US supreme court). my tenancy almost cannot be terminated. for market properties, the most recent development is: good-cause-eviction

Believe me it doesn't get better than London you won't miss it until its gone.

i have from time to time wondered about living elsewhere than NYC, and then i wonder if i've lost my mind.

 

[Callie]

I lived in the City for 20 odd years and it was quiet, virtually silent.

Ok city city not Lahndun

 

[kalmatthew]

I'm fine with being a lifetime suburbanite. Central London is so out of reach financially and also I'm too old now to really benefit massively from someowhere that could be staggered to from the West End or whatever, and I work in a job that has no specific in office expectations, though I go in once a week, so a central pad feels less special.

That said, wouldn't mind retiring to a flat in the Barbican.

I'm interested by this (and not aiming this at you in particular but from previous conversations I think have a rough idea of the area that you live in). I grew up just outside the M25 in Hertfordshire and now live slightly further outside the M25 in Surrey. I wouldn't consider anywhere in zones 1–6 suburban to me they are urban and I grew up/live in suburbia. I suspect the definitions end up being very subjective.

 

[story]

I'm interested by this (and not aiming this at you in particular but from previous conversations I think have a rough idea of the area that you live in). I grew up just outside the M25 in Hertfordshire and now live slightly further outside the M25 in Surrey. I wouldn't consider anywhere in zones 1–6 suburban to me they are urban and I grew up/live in suburbia. I suspect the definitions end up being very subjective.

…whereas for me, there are areas of Brixton I’d consider suburban to Brixton Town Centre. Same with other parts of London that are kinda like their own little defined town.

So yeah, very subjective.

 

[nagapie]

Yeah because nothing happens until it happens.

JFC. moomoo 's concerns are legitimate. You are arguing for pbsmooth who is saying 'stabbings are rare' (15,000 in London last year alone, up from 12000 the previous year) and



while adding



just to belittle things like.

I've lived 25 years in London, inner London before that went posh, and know where I felt safer let alone my (now dead) partner felt safer and why.

moomoo has no need to be denigrated for her legitimate fear in this way.

15 000 stabbings but affecting quite a narrow demographic of people. As a woman I understand the fear of walking alone at night but stabbings are not really happening to white women of which I am one.
Interestingly the inner city teenage girls I know have always told me they feel safer in the busy parts of the city like Brixton, probably their male counterparts would disagree.