rubbershoes
not the only raver in the village
I did mine in my 20s
Drawing up a will, anything to bear in mind?
- Thread starter Cloo
- Start date
I did mine in my 20s
hash tag
Books, not bombs
My point exactly...carefully, thoughtfully and imo, detailed.
I've found myself in the position of having a child. It ought to be straight forward but I don't trust myself to manage to exist beyond age 55.
Cloo
Banana for scale
I think it does depend on family dynamics, although I know you can never tell but it would massively out of character between my siblings and I (and with gsv's as well), and we're all in similar places economically.
My other half was very impressed at how my siblings and I sat down after my grandfather's death and went through my grandmother's remaining jewellery between my sister, SIL and I and just decided who had what without any issues. Also, we did have a situation, which I won't detail here as it's quite personal, which involved one inheritor of my grandfather's estate asking for an extra share out of some of ours which we sat down, discussed and agreed to give (not without boundaries) but it was freely and quickly done and without resentment. As we and kids get older I'll be open to changing if we see some potential issues emerging - I suppose for example, if a child were to get into a LTR or marriage with someone who you suspect might be grabby or argumentative in an inheritance scenario.
My parents have a fair amount of jewellery and quite a lot of fairly valuable artwork and books whichthey are trusting us to divide between ourselves (and our kids who will, please god, be adults before we've lost both my parents!) - we're very 'shrug and back off' rather than create conflict. I suppose there is an issue that 'what if someone/someone's kid falls on hard times and you're not at economic parity', but then I actually think we'd be prepared to rebalance if someone was clearly in a tougher place than everyone else.
I know my dad has two valuable watches that he wants to go to my son and my sister's son. I don't think it's in his will but it's known and we will stick to it. Given I only have the one super-valuable thing, the engagement ring, I think letting my siblings know it's for our oldest would be sufficient.
planetgeli
There's no future in England's dreaming
From recent experience - a civil partnership is best. We have wills, sure (hope) they'll be fine, but I've faced a shitload of bureaucracy already changing names etc.
We were about (like straightaway about) to be civilly partnered. My 28 years apparently count for shit. Thank goodness for good families.
Looby
Well-Known Member
I do think it’s better to be prescriptive about stuff that’s important because things and people change in ways we don’t expect.
And if there’s a culture of shrugging and not really sweating the small stuff in your family, that could mean someone not speaking up if something is important to them.
And if there’s a culture of shrugging and not really sweating the small stuff in your family, that could mean someone not speaking up if something is important to them.
Miss-Shelf
I'll meet you further on up the road
Having just been dealing with wills etc after my boyfriend died here's my top tips
*don't do it on the cheap without a solicitor
*check what money is on life insurance or similar policies etc and if you want it in trust or don't want it in trust (ie to bypass the estate, to go to different beneficeries etc)
*if you have death in service benefits check where they are going
*make sure any executors can handle difficult situations and can work together and work with same timescales or styles of approaching tasks (being friends or relations doesn't guarantee this)
*talk to people and with people over time about what you want done and how you want it done and listen to their concerns. Have some joint meetings with people you want to take on certain roles
*what about your non valuable 'stuff' who will decide where it goes and how it goes?
There will be a lot of things not immediately obvious to you that will cause headaches and grief for people dealing with it. Try to see if from their pov and make plans for that.
Write some letter's and cards to your children and important people to read at the moment just after your death and key moments later- leave with trusted people to disseminate
Sort your funeral plans out including money
Start a Google or other document to update from time to time. Who to contact. Where things are etc
*don't do it on the cheap without a solicitor
*check what money is on life insurance or similar policies etc and if you want it in trust or don't want it in trust (ie to bypass the estate, to go to different beneficeries etc)
*if you have death in service benefits check where they are going
*make sure any executors can handle difficult situations and can work together and work with same timescales or styles of approaching tasks (being friends or relations doesn't guarantee this)
*talk to people and with people over time about what you want done and how you want it done and listen to their concerns. Have some joint meetings with people you want to take on certain roles
*what about your non valuable 'stuff' who will decide where it goes and how it goes?
There will be a lot of things not immediately obvious to you that will cause headaches and grief for people dealing with it. Try to see if from their pov and make plans for that.
Write some letter's and cards to your children and important people to read at the moment just after your death and key moments later- leave with trusted people to disseminate
Sort your funeral plans out including money
Start a Google or other document to update from time to time. Who to contact. Where things are etc
Miss-Shelf
I'll meet you further on up the road
planetgeli for the good familes not the terrible beaucracy
RubyToogood
RubyTwobikes
Let me know how you get on with Unite. I looked into this once and was a bit
at the list of solicitors involved in actually providing the service.E2A: I think I may be confusing this with something else actually - but I've been quite sceptical about some of Unite's alleged member services.
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Miss-Shelf
I'll meet you further on up the road
My boyfriend was super organised and put a lot of things in place but he put in place from the pov of him carrying it out. He also assumed that people who had good relationships with him would have those good relationships with each other.
Some people keep things together because they are great at that emotional social work. They and others don't even see the work they're doing until they are dead and then the others don't know how to connect properly
Some people keep things together because they are great at that emotional social work. They and others don't even see the work they're doing until they are dead and then the others don't know how to connect properly
Cloo
Banana for scale
Thanks Miss-Shelf - a central Google doc is a good idea, as is everything you mention.
My union have a will service it seems. Anyone used one, any good? My son basically gets everything but the complication is that I pay his mother X amount a year until he turns 18 or stops studying and so need to accommodate that really as that's where it could really fuck up.
Plus if I die soon there will be a death in service payout and I don't want him getting too much too quickly. And some over sight.
Plus if I die soon there will be a death in service payout and I don't want him getting too much too quickly. And some over sight.
planetgeli
There's no future in England's dreaming
We used Liza's union UCU. It seems water-tight. But I'll let you know how I get on.
Cheers fella. I know you're going through a hard time but feed back on that would be appreciated if and when you're able to.
muscovyduck
Good IT skills and food hygiene competent
Everyone thinks their family won't be the one to have a row over the will. The problem is, each death is a novel situation and not only do you not have the same people involved each time, but they've all just been through something stressful and traumatic. And a lot of issues don't even stem direct from the core group involved, it'll be some long winding affair with someone seemingly random and unconnected whispering in someone else's ear for the sake of stirring shit, genuine mistakes that just look really fucking dodgy, and everyone making poor judgement calls because they're tired and potentially even have compassion fatigue
muscovyduck
Good IT skills and food hygiene competent
I think my advice would be that while you need to make sure anyone looking after your kids has the funds to do so, you don't want your kids looking like a piggy bank and you don't want them resentful that all the money's gone when they're adults. This means making sure you lay out explanations for the decisions you make, and being ready to put in the extra work now to do things that might seem a little more complicated but work better in the long run.
Cloo
Banana for scale
I think given their ages and the value of our house (which we are imminently paying off mortgage for), and the trust I'd have in any of siblings as guardian, there should be money left. I want to ask if we can name that any sibling of ours who becomes guardian ceases to be executor at that point, to avoid that conflict of interest - which I presume we can do.
muscovyduck
Good IT skills and food hygiene competent
One thing to watch out for too is that while it can be tempting to get a professional in (eg a solicitor or financial advisor) they will just do the bare bones basics that's least likely to get them sued, which won't necessarily be the right thing to do by your kids.
One good route is have two executors - one solicitor and one relative. Then you can cover everything from all bases.
Sorry if this has already been covered in the thread, for some reason I'm finding it difficult to follow, I think because I've been through this sort of thing myself too much so I've probably read every variation of this thread on every forum on the internet by this point trying to figure out the right thing to do over the years
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
I am now an executor of two wills, unfortunately my twat of a brother of 1 of 3 in both. Have to do one myself as everything is in my name and so far it all goes to my son legally, which seems somewhat unfair to my SO just cos we didn't do the paper signing thing. Also Idk what the fuck a 10 year old would do with the cash.
muscovyduck
Good IT skills and food hygiene competent
I'd also be tempted to explicitly make sure there's funds available to dump stuff in storage over an extended period of time and explain how it should all be split between everyone. Too many young people I know with dead parents have some sort of storage unit theft horror story
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
Given my brother nicked thousands in tools off my dad under the guide of "clearing the unit" I am suspicious of anything which is not down to the letter and number of items. Allegedly clearing a garage cost the cost of the contents, which was easily £10k+ and more importantly had every single tool I used with my father over nearly 4 decades. Recently even a single tool box went missing and I am pissed. I am bringing my step mum food (no other fucker did apparently which she only told me lately, just been in for major surgery!) Her son does check in way more often than me tho and has her over for dinner etc but he is way closer. I don't even know what his will said....... she looked after him for 10 years tho so she can have everything as far as I am concerned. Whats more concerning is her will giving that all to her kids tho as she is skilled in many things, legal contracts are not one of them however.
muscovyduck
Good IT skills and food hygiene competent
This is usually (although not always) where the nastiest arguments are with stuff like this because it's in that legal area where people aren't going to or can't sue
planetgeli
There's no future in England's dreaming
Had a similar-ish thing when dad died at 16. He was a toolmaker ffs. Whole shed of stuff, made by dad, probably sold for a few pints by cunt of a brother.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
He has serious personal health issues since this which I will take as being his karma for it, despite not believing in it.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
Yes there was a number of custom made units, thicknessers to take massive sizes, dewalt everything, chop saws, custom work benches with adjustable everything.
I ended up with a small box of screwdrivers and treat them better than the kugerrands he bought as an investment.
Daft bugger even cut off a few fingers with one of them, after making a guide, push through etc, I still wanted it. His coat sits behind me on the wall at all times.
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My BIL's parents died way sooner than expected and he was basically fucked over by his brother. So yeah, better to get it sorted out than not.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
I am weirdly the executor for my FIL, his kids are not even listed on it. It is fucking weird but well he wanted it so his choice.
Does make me sad he can't even rely on those useless fuckwits to deal with his meagre assets when he is dead however, they make basically no effort to see him tho I guess even when they come to the county. Which is just worse. He has not handled their transition well however, IDK the details specifically but he did misgender them repeatedly while my mum kept correcting him. Considering they were an ex highly ranked social worker thats a huge yikes. Sure I have multiple professional qualifications but one of them is a HUGELY successful person on a massive BBC franchise thats been going for decades (need to be very vague). If nothing else they could hire a lawyer or something. Well whatever it will be done fairly as I will ensure this but fucking hell, not trusting your own kids to do this? (we were adults before he was FIL so not a biology thing, I have step kids myself).
Elpenor
Dancing as fast as I can
The bit in bold, had to deal with a death in service case at work a few years ago where someone had got remarried and not updated their beneficiary. It was messy:
