Ye Olde Swiss Cottage
Nothing was said other than by our eyes - there were always casually-dressed Fash around too so we did not want to be overheard on the bus - and we knew we had to keep our wits about us. I was now happy though as the venue was identified and, as far as I was concerned, the job was safely done. All that was left was to leave the area, maybe heading back to Charing Cross and picking off a few stragglers to keep the Usual Suspects happy. So we stayed on for maybe two bus stops and got off at the Swiss Cottage pub. A quick peek into the over-sized Pool room which housed about 4 tables showed it to be Bonehead-free so in we went for a pint and a plotting session. We were stood facing the bar; CeeJay was on the corner of it and was the only one who could see through to the other room. His face dropped momentarily and then, in a ridiculously calm voice, he said ‘Move away from the bar, slowly… NOW. Ian Stuart is looking straight at me’. Oops again! Ian Stuart Donaldson was the lead singer with Skrewdriver and the poster-boy for British Neo-Nazism. CJ showed his usual balls of steel, keeping calm and feigning nonchalance as the shaven headed Stuart stared at the ‘Nigger’ in direct view.
Here we were, with the Fuhrer himself within striking distance. But we did not, could not, know whether this was a golden opportunity to launch a crushing pre-emptive strike - to chop off the serpent’s head as it were - or if we were seconds away from a bloody end ourselves. My arse was twitching now and I was cursing the fact that we were pretty much tool-less, mostly at my suggestion/insistence. I had argued that since we were headed into the middle of town it was stupid to risk getting a tug and getting nicked for carrying an offensive weapon before we even got started. At least Colin was tooled-up. He usually was. He had his favourite on him. It was the inside of a fire extinguisher, the metal cylinder that holds the gas, wrapped in Elastoplast for extra grip and to make fingerprinting impossible. We were a long way from the front door in a large room.
If they spotted us and piled in we were banjaxed. Instinctively we took up positions in a corner. Best to get your back against a wall. CJ however lands down with the drinks (having automatically changed the round from pints of lager to Light and Lagers; that way you got a half of lager in a pint glass and bottle of Light Ale to pour into it - two weapons for the price of one. He was actually disgusted that they did not sell bottles of Grolsh. A Grolsh bottle was the undisputed king of pub weaponry, thick, heavy, well-balanced and deadly. (The only other thing that came near was those dimply pint mugs with a handle that you got your whole fist into. But they were quite rare except in posh boozers which we did not usually frequent) and reassures us that he was sure Stuart did not seem at all alarmed by his presence. He added that he could not even see who Stuart was stood next to, never mind how many of them there actually were.
Seamie volunteered to go and check it out. He was just down from Manchester and his face would definitely not be known. He strolled back in and said “there’s only two of them - Stuart and some skinny cunt - they’re just sitting on two stools at the bar”. The ‘skinny cunt’ turned out to be Ken McLellan and the only skinny part of him was his waist. He was six foot odd and could and would (as we were about to find out) fight like two men and a wee boy.
We had to move fast before they were joined by their mates. It was agreed that I would hold the door to secure the escape route and the others would pile in, glass Stuart, ignore his mate and get the fuck out. No fuckin about. No fighting. No macho posturing. 10 seconds in and out. We had no idea how the rest of the punters would react. The Swiss Cottage was a strange pub. It stood in a posh business area but also has some big old council estates around it. By day it was very much the preserve of the Business classes, but at night the crowd was much more local and much more mixed. If there were off-duty coppers, a football or Rugby team, a local firm who might take umbrage to the invasion of their turf, or even just some public-spirited citizens, it could make our safe escape difficult. Too many variables. The area itself was also very exposed, lots of open space at one of the main traffic junctions in North London. The best means of escape was into and through the council estate across the road (it’s all offices now). We agreed to split into twos once we were all safely across the road and to meet up at The Globe pub at Baker Street tube.
We went outside, walked round to the other door of the pub, ran over the plan again and then it was on. As soon as I opened the door and held it open as the lads piled in, I knew our plan had king-size holes in it. Instead of a sizeable Lounge full of punters, there was just a small Snug Bar. There was just one couple in the corner and our two boneheads at the bar. But for all we knew the actual Lounge could’ve been full of them and now - with the barmaid already screaming the place down - was not the time for investigation, or indeed hesitation. We couldn’t just press a rewind button or call a Time-out. We just had to get on with it.
In the boys went and quickly closed the 5 yards to the bar. His mate had his back to the door but Stuart saw them coming. His eyes widened but he did not react. ‘Alright boys?’ said Collie as he swung his arm and brought down his weapon on Stuart’s head splitting it instantly. He fell forward into his mate who pushed him off as he jumped off his tool. Stuart went down under a flurry of blows. Pure instinct and adrenaline drove him to try and lift himself . The ‘skinny cunt’ proved a different proposition and immediately jumped up and started fighting like fuck despite shipping some heavy blows.
I had to pull myself away from spectating so I didn’t really see what happened next. I had a job to do watching the street and yet more doors into the Lounge of the pub. There followed the longest four seconds of my life because as I turned I saw a police car sailing across the junction at the traffic lights and the plod in the passenger street was looking straight at me. I did my best to look casual but I’m sure the whites of my eyes would have been visible at 100 yards. I had no idea if he could see what was happening inside the pub or if my behaviour was enough to rouse his suspicions. I was blocking most of the doorway and the angle was hard to work out in an instant. I knew the area well and that there was a big triangle of buildings/road they would have to drive around if they were coming back for a nosey. Anyway the 10 seconds was up and I began yelling “OUT. OUT. OUT. NOW!” I could see that a couple of the boys really wanted to stay and finish the job but that was not the script we had agreed. The important thing now was to get everybody safely out and away. Both Stuart and his mate were now prostrate, although McLellan was fighting to get back to his feet as the last one of ours sped past me.
We ran across the road into the Estate, grateful for the poor quality of light therein and lots of corners. As we split up we clocked some local teenagers who had seen us come onto their estate and who were immediately aware that we were not Jehovah’s Witnesses. Although they were young they could still have been a problem, but Matty just goes “Alright boys? If the Old Bill ask you ain’t seen us, alright?” Their eyes lit up now they had been made co-conspirators and one says
“No problem mate. What you done anyway?”
“Tell you another time” Matt laughs over his shoulder as he trots off.
Run for two corners. Split up. Run for two corners. Walk. No matter how much the blood is pumping. Make yourself walk. Take your hat off. Walk. I turn back towards Swiss Cottage tube. “Are you fuckin mad” asks Seamus.
“Nah. They’ll be looking for someone running… the other way” I reply.
You can access the Tube Station via subways that won’t take you within 50 yards of the pub. That’s what we did. The adrenal rush was wearing off now. The heart still pumping. Sweat trickling down your face. That’s a bit of a giveway. A quick wipe and walk. Walk slowly. Hard to do, but hard to beat. Sirens wailing and blue lights flashing as we force ourselves to stroll. Down into the Station. Onto the train. Safe.