BigMoaner
What A Load of Old Bollocks
Yes. That uniquely modern psychic strain: what the fuck is wrong with me. Round and round on and on. Buy a book, go to a therapist. Look within never without.
Why people don't want kids anymore (apparently)
- Thread starter Cloo
- Start date
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
Really? That’s not my experience. Maybe they’re talking behind my back.
Hollis
bloody furious
Really? That’s not my experience. Maybe they’re talking behind my back.
I'm being slightly dramatic, but you have high profile examples like David Cameron's "hard working families" - then the obrium that goes the way of childless politiicans - Kamala Harris/Teresa May.
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
Ah, don’t pay attention to any of that manufactured shit. Thought you meant IRL
BigMoaner
What A Load of Old Bollocks
I adore having kids. Even when it’s shit.
Hollis
bloody furious
Well i don't think it's a sentiment alien from 'real life' - I think its said for a reason.
ska invita
back on the other side
yeah i think people wanting a better quality of life is a big factor
most of my friends with kids are in deep pain!!
ska invita
back on the other side
thing is they kind of have, for example they love to scream globalists!! but they dont quite know where to put the blame , hence not recognising who "globalists" actually are (theyre capitalists)....they are vaguely conscious that its "the state" (and other governing bodies) somehow and the state is far from removed from capitalism
BigMoaner
What A Load of Old Bollocks
It’s not just when they are young too…it’s the worry too that they will be locked into zero hour contracts, extortionate housing, constantly rising prices, university fees that don’t even lead to a solid job for life, communities replaced by algorithms and all the rest of it. I mean that’s a depressing outlook but sometimes things can appear this way.
Hollis
bloody furious
Robert Handley is a researcher on involuntary childless men and this is an extract from one of his papers which sums up some of the impacts - it was a qualitative study of 10 men. I'm sure in relation to women who don't 'achieve motherhood' many of the same issues with arise.
Tl/dr: feeling marginalised, discriminated against, feeling less visible.
Tl/dr: feeling marginalised, discriminated against, feeling less visible.
ska invita
back on the other side
agree with everything said...just want to add that I think this is a brilliant development, and long may it continue as a trend, because
1. capitalism needs constant growth and needs constant population growth to staff its bullshit jobs and consumerism. this is a real challenge to capitalism. And then theres the care system....
2. the population explosion of the last century is insane
just maybe a drop in global population might have some kind of environmentally positive effect as we ride headlong into anthropocenic oblivion.
3. it pisses off great replacement theorists. haha tough shit cunts
1. capitalism needs constant growth and needs constant population growth to staff its bullshit jobs and consumerism. this is a real challenge to capitalism. And then theres the care system....
2. the population explosion of the last century is insane
just maybe a drop in global population might have some kind of environmentally positive effect as we ride headlong into anthropocenic oblivion.
3. it pisses off great replacement theorists. haha tough shit cunts
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girasol
Addicted to handstands!
Just to add that although I only had one son, he already has 2 kids and is only 26 years old. I think he's the exception as most men his age are not even thinking about kids yet. He's been on the same job for years, and has been much more of an adult than I was at that age.
Being a grandmother is easier than parenting obviously but there is a lot of worry for the future of those two children that I love so much. Will there be a good life for them or will the future seem even more hopeless than it is now?
Being a grandmother is easier than parenting obviously but there is a lot of worry for the future of those two children that I love so much. Will there be a good life for them or will the future seem even more hopeless than it is now?
Cloo
Banana for scale
I think it's certainly much more normalised than it was. I have never heard anyone comment about another person being single, child free etc in any snarky way. I think the inherent social pressure is much less.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
We are living on one income, but only because we got social housing, traded to cheaper social housing and I spent years retraining then retraining again both while over 30. Couldn't do it in private rental, cost would be nearly 4x what we pay if at private or 2x at housing association. We barely get through as it is and im over national average in a poor area with less than average wages and way above average multipliers for house value. Kind of accepted we are in this house forever now, its a solid back stop. We are housed regardless in somewhere we like to be. Thats a lot to give up to go live somewhere we don't like just to get capital I can gain elsewhere. Do have primary parent at kid whose 12 now tho so midly panicking over pension contributions, SO has anxiety, depression, previously picked as bipolar, they seem unsure, I think its adhd complications but I'm not a doctor. I just know what meds worked from watching the effects and how the behaviour manifests itself, plus self medication with adhd meds between kids to manage coping with it all til I was there to help.400% (and there’s a lot of great thinkers who have narrowed in on this). We are becoming increasingly cut off and isolated, with third spaces and communities becoming a minimal part of life. All we have left it seems is the plaster givers of psychologists, therapists, and self help and medication.
Also does anyone even remember the time when a family could rely on just one income lol pmsl.
If I didn’t have kids now I would probably stay that way.
Thanks to the new changes to council buying we probably can't buy this place, also need to maneviour PIP with someone who is very much in the group not able to access it well because of the procedure just to secure a pension and some extra income. DWP have fined us for not declaring I lived here (when I did all the papperwork? SUre I definitely forgot myself?!?!) then NHS twice for JSA switching us to free instead of prepaid and not accepting this, well once MP stepped in but still out £2.6k overall, most paid during being on benefits with no money and reduced income, that makes sense how?
We told the kids not to have kids basically until they were at least 21, had moved out of home and had a stable income, SO didn't do this then I joined her with neither and well it was a struggle but things were slightly easier than they are now for young families. Partners were their deal of whichever type, not our business. Neither seem particularly keen, one is very self focused, one is very partner focused, one is 12 so kind of irrelevant for this and they can work their own journey out like the others did. If I have no grandkids then thats up to them, same as if I have some, still not a babysitting service tho lol tho I'm sure SO would volunteer gladly.
Started out ridiculously non traditional, SO never wanted to be a housewife, I didn't particularly want one or kids but she was a package was two and I love them both as my own so that was that. Then my income potential was higher and she wanted to be at home doing stuff for them more than I did so it just made sense. Keep saying she should do a dog walking business as she helps a mate with hers for nothing (around the area (AONB) we just add our dog and ratios change). Have to see about it all new year.
Does anyone know if its worth just paying off SO's contributions that get missed?
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Puddy_Tat
naturally fluffy
they probably have, but it suits them better to blame immigrants for having too many kids and women / feminists for not having enough kids.
average age (for becoming a parent) has certainly increased - mum-tat was 31 when i turned up, and being a mother at that age was unusual then, being a first time mother at 31 was very unusual. (so i'm told. i don't remember it...)
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
I have never felt any of that myself. I think people are learning to mind their own business and to not ask intrusive questions on people’s personal lives.
ska invita
back on the other side
me no kids, i know other couples my age no kids, i've not come across any social pressure at all, ever
Hollis
bloody furious
I think it's more subtle that that.
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
Bit too subtle
Elpenor
a clown’s heart and a mandolin
Another thoughtful and considered thread Cloo
I don’t know why but I never saw myself as a parent. Or even really being in a relationship. Too much of a loner and probably a bit too self absorbed, certainly not particularly “needing” people. And also for a period of time I guess I wasn’t likely to have kids at all due to how I felt in terms of sexuality.
It’s always seemed odd to me that folk want to settle down and have kids. I mean; I do get it, you feel love for them, you want to nurture them and it’s amazing watching them grow up. I am not blind to that. But that doesn’t motivate me to want to be a parent.
But I would like a dog.
More broadly there’s what I suppose we might call the hygiene factors - precarious employment, housing, despair at the future of the planet as mentioned that make people choose to not have kids. I wonder if religious types can distance these concerns more easily as their God(s) give them faith.
I don’t know why but I never saw myself as a parent. Or even really being in a relationship. Too much of a loner and probably a bit too self absorbed, certainly not particularly “needing” people. And also for a period of time I guess I wasn’t likely to have kids at all due to how I felt in terms of sexuality.
It’s always seemed odd to me that folk want to settle down and have kids. I mean; I do get it, you feel love for them, you want to nurture them and it’s amazing watching them grow up. I am not blind to that. But that doesn’t motivate me to want to be a parent.
But I would like a dog.
More broadly there’s what I suppose we might call the hygiene factors - precarious employment, housing, despair at the future of the planet as mentioned that make people choose to not have kids. I wonder if religious types can distance these concerns more easily as their God(s) give them faith.
Elpenor
a clown’s heart and a mandolin
My dads partner describes people like this as “not having a family” which rankles quite a bit
But she’s a woman in her early 70s who’s a middle England / daily mail type so I wouldn’t be certain that is the prevailing view for younger people
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
Kids now mostly self sufficient and tada we got a dog lol! Now holidays are still no more less annoying, more so in fact with dog and parrots unless eldest stays home.
Cloo
Banana for scale
I never felt very 'maternal' but I always thought having kids would be really fascinating, which is kind of mainly why I did, and indeed it has been. I feel, currently, very unbothered as to whether either of my kids ever have their own - it's not my decision, plus it's not really in anyone's power as to whether it happens even if they want it to, so I wouldn't even see the point of setting my heart on it in any way.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
Yeh family is who you choose it to be, with an absent father for 2 of 3 and me here they know you pick who you want to fill whatever role. 2 people is a family regardless of how that works out.
Saul Goodman
It's all good, man
Do you think? I think it's the people with kids who are considered oddballs these days.
My niece had a baby recently, and I take every opportunity to point and laugh at her, and remind her that her life, for the next 35 years, is over.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
I'm actually hoping mine don't, selfishly cos no babysitting and also because I know how hard it can be and how much easier it can be as DINKS for example.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
That just seems unpleasant.Do you think? I think it's the people with kids who are considered oddballs these days.
My niece had a baby recently, and I take every opportunity to point and laugh at her, and remind her that her life, for the next 35 years, is over.
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