Why do women stop going to gigs?

[Dr Nookie]

Not only have I got to consider childcare, but so have most of my friends. So even if I was to go out to a gig, I'd have no one to go with because it's difficult to co-ordinate everyone getting childcare on the same night. So we just drag our kids to the pub on saturday afternoons and piss off everyone else instead.

I totally get that. It just seems that there's plenty of dads out there still gigging which suggests the moms are either being unfairly lumbered with the majority of childcare or just aren't as interested (for whatever reason).

 

[kittyP]

Ive always noticed gigs being predominantly male.

I take it you have never been to a Barry Manilo gig then?

 

[mrsfran]

I totally get that. It just seems that there's plenty of dads out there still gigging which suggests the moms are either being unfairly lumbered with the majority of childcare or just aren't as interested (for whatever reason).

"Mums do majority of childcare" shocker

It's a lot easier for dads to go out. If a mum is breastfeeding it can be hard to leave baby for more than a couple of hours. It's more likely to be mum that gets up in the night, she's tired, less bothered about going out. There are a lot more single mums than single dads, minimal childcare available. And it's just more... accepted. Mum stays home with the kids. Dad gets to go out to the pub. And no, it's not fair.

Obviously, I'm sure every dad reading this does his fair share, it's not YOU I'm talking about, etc etc.

 

[Random]

Obviously, I'm sure every dad reading this does his fair share, it's not YOU I'm talking about, etc etc.

Dads need to accept that a lot of the time we just let the mums do more child care. It's very very easy to slip into that role, you can almost do it without noticing. So I don't think any dads should be touchy about people talking about this.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

Dads need to accept that a lot of the time we just let the mums do more child care. It's very very easy to slip into that role, you can almost do it without noticing. So I don't think any dads should be touchy about people talking about this.

I agree, but I don't think anyone is being touchy?

I had a good conversation recently with a mate who makes electronic music and he was quite clear that the only reason he was able to do it was because his wife supported him by doing childcare whilst he was gig-ing or tinkering with synths.

Other blokes I know have set afternoons put aside every weekend for band practice or are given licence for a lie-in after DJ-ing or whatever.

It's just accepted... I can't think of anyone I know where the reverse is true.

 

[stuff_it]

After 40 you are only allowed at cliff richard shows..

*panics*

And yes it's childcare - sometimes the men will step up but so often it's the women who end up doing it or you can't get all your friends with kids out on the same night as someone will have drawn the short straw.

 

[quimcunx]

Obviously, I'm sure every dad reading this does his fair share, it's not YOU I'm talking about, etc etc.

 

[quimcunx]

It's just accepted... I can't think of anyone I know where the reverse is true.

I know some where the men go out just as/nearly as rarely. Only one reversed but that so happens to be an abusive relationship.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

I know some where the men go out just as/nearly as rarely. Only one reversed but that so happens to be an abusive relationship.

Yeah, I meant pursuing hobbies more than going out. That's more of a bloke thing, which kind of includes going to gigs, sort've kinda?

My partner probably goes out as much or more than me, but that's partly because she works from home (and yes, does the school drop off and pick up most day, etc). So she wants to escape more than I do.

Having spent the day in an office, I'm happy as a pig in shit staying in by myself and playing mad records. Whereas she's been around the house all day on her tod.

 

[kalidarkone]

I'm always going to gigs these days now the sprog has flown the nest and other reasons...but yeah always more guys at gigs...and yes to do with the kind of gig...I'm more into punk/metal/psychadelia

 

[Thora]

I totally get that. It just seems that there's plenty of dads out there still gigging which suggests the moms are either being unfairly lumbered with the majority of childcare or just aren't as interested (for whatever reason).

Yep, women are still unfairly lumbered with the majority of the childcare/housework and regardless of the split of paid employment, women have less free time than their male partners.

However, I tend to go out 2x as much as Mr. Thora, but not to gigs anymore. Not sure why not - partly I have lost interest in music, mostly I prefer to be sitting down chatting in a pub

 

[jusali]

I reckon men just never grow up and women do.
It's very telling just look at "Last of the Summer Wine"!

 

[wayward bob]

my interest in/appreciation of music has increased if anything as i've got older. we've had the discussion about "growing out of" liking live/current music quite recently i think.

 

[kalidarkone]

my interest in/appreciation of music has increased if anything as i've got older. we've had the discussion about "growing out of" liking live/current music quite recently i think.

Same for me and also was not bothered about going to gigs so much previously..but really into it at the moment about to start going to some metal/rock gigs. I went to see the Heads (psychedelic heavy rock and Om -really heavy) and I was one of 3 women there. I love music nerds though.....

 

[sim667]

I take it you have never been to a Barry Manilo gig then?

No. I guess gig wise Ive been to mostly metal/industrial or dance gigs.

 

[ymu]

Now the obvious answer would seem to be - kids! Only, men have kids too but they're still clearly going to see lots of bands.

Do the fathers who go to gigs get asked who is looking after their kids all the fucking time?

 

[Random]

I agree, but I don't think anyone is being touchy?

Mrs Fran was preempting paternal touchiness

 

[Fozzie Bear]

Mrs Fran was preempting paternal touchiness

But she needed A MAN to help her out

 

[ymu]

I reckon men just never grow up and women do.
It's very telling just look at "Last of the Summer Wine"!

But is that because men are biologically programmed to remain like children, or because it is considerably easier for a man to have a child and still get away with acting like one too?

 

[wayward bob]

i don't think the need to have a social life or interests of your own and time to devote to them is "childish", i think it's important that both partners have opportunities to pursue them.

 

[Random]

But she needed A MAN to help her out

men need to sort men out

 

[ymu]

i don't think the need to have a social life or interests of your own and time to devote to them is "childish", i think it's important that both partners have opportunities to pursue them.

I didn't say otherwise. The childishness is in not taking equal responsibility because you know your partner will sort it out if you don't. Parents sacrifice leisure in favour of allowing their kids to pursue what interests them; they shouldn't have to do it for a partner too.

 

[mr steev]

It depends on the gig obvioulsy, but that's always been the case.
Obviously it's difficult for single mums to get out but it's quite sad to see that many people seem to think childcare is a big issue with couples With all of the couples I know, if the mother wanted to go to a gig then they would and the father would look after their child/ren. If it's a gig they both want to go to they take it in turns. Maybe it's because round here good gigs/nights out are a bit of rarity but when they do happen it's the women who are far more likely to arrange a big night out and the blokes will have the kids.
On the point that many people 'grow out of' liking new music, I would tentatively suggest that this is more true of women. On the flip side of this, the audience for retro 80's style gigs is predominantly female.
An older bloke is more likely to go to a gig on his own also.

 

[wayward bob]

I didn't say otherwise. The childishness is in not taking equal responsibility because you know your partner will sort it out if you don't. Parents sacrifice leisure in favour of allowing their kids to pursue what interests them; they shouldn't have to do it for a partner too.

fair dos, totally agree except there's give and take, i happily sacrifice time for mr b if i'm able to.

 

[ymu]

fair dos, totally agree except there's give and take, i happily sacrifice time for mr b if i'm able to.

I'm not saying that there is never any give and take because sexism. Nor that where there is an imbalance it is always the bloke doing more of the taking because sexism. Only that it is (perhaps) easier (on average) for men to get away with this behaviour (if they are that way inclined) because sexism.

Perhaps I should have added a MrsFran style disclaimer.

 

[Shirl]

I'm ancient and go to lots of gigs. I didn't go to many between between the age of 30 and 45 because I had children.

 

[rutabowa]

my wife and i are both in bands and rehearse and both go to gigs so we just alternate childcare usually. this means that most free time is devoted to music of course so it takes a bit more effort than previously, if either of us was more interested in something else then we would have to do that instead.

 

[Brixton Hatter]

my mum still goes to gigs and she's 64...sometimes she goes on her own when my dad can't be arsed! The youngsters normally let her get to the front

 

[ymu]

my wife and i are both in bands and rehearse and both go to gigs so we just alternate childcare usually. this means that most free time is devoted to music of course so it takes a bit more effort than previously, if either of us was more interested in something else then we would have to do that instead.

Respect, but it wasn't always like that, was it?

i stopped being in a band and going off on tour in part because of reading this thread! right thing to do.

it is more of a relief than sacrifice in the end! but yeah i don't want to be "that guy".

You listened and you acted on it, can't ask for more than that, I think it's great so I'm not having a go - it just fits conveniently into my thesis that men are more likely to get the option to opt out in the first place.

 

[kittyP]

No. I guess gig wise Ive been to mostly metal/industrial or dance gigs.

Can I just clarify I have never been to a Barry Manilo gig either