The office 'scolding email' thread

[equationgirl]

That’s surely illegal

It's definitely verging into sexism territory but it's mostly terribly old fashioned. I haven't worn makeup for the majority of my career.

 

[MickiQ]

I was in

The leaving your camera on/off thing has been a topic of amusement round ours lately. An immediate member of my family who shall remain nameless got popped for speeding recently and had to do the speed awareness course.

You can do these online now (on Zoom, ironically ). They're very hot on confidentiality so you have to keep your camera on at all times so they can see that there's no-one else in the room having a nose at who else has broken the speed limit lately etc.

So the guy doing the course notices one guy keeps turning his camera off and tells him to put it back on. This happens a few times until eventually he tells him to put it back on permanently or he'll get booted off the course and have points on his licence. He does this only to reveal that he's in a car and fucking driving. Could only have been bettered if he'd been speeding too really.

I was in a video conference during lockdown when Youngest Q came into the room to get something off the shelf behind me. One of others in the conference suddenly leaned over to one side and I thought "What The Fuck has his camera fallen over?" before I realised he was actually trying to look around me to get a better view of her. I'm amazed that anyone would try that since the camera's position is fixed. I put my thumb over the camera until she had left.

 

[ElizabethofYork]

It's definitely verging into sexism territory but it's mostly terribly old fashioned. I haven't worn makeup for the majority of my career.

I stopped wearing make-up during lockdown, and have never bothered since.

 

[equationgirl]

I stopped wearing make-up during lockdown, and have never bothered since.

I found I was looking absolutely washed out on video calls so started wearing a bit of blush and mascara, but it's such a ridiculous double standard.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

how do they react if men wear make-up on video calls?

 

[Sapphireblue]

i don't wear a lot of makeup and my experience of zoom calls is that i look as if i'm not wearing any but also i would look worse if i actually wasn't (blonde so look as if i have no eyelashes / eyebrows)

also i just had an important teams call with a new senior colleague and i didn't turn my camera on (glad he didn't ask me to as i'm currently in pajamas!)

 

[AverageJoe]

We need some tips about how to look good on video calls. Some of the meetings I have the other prople look amazing.

I look shit. (yes I know you can't polish a turd).

 

[Orang Utan]

We need some tips about how to look good on video calls. Some of the meetings I have the other prople look amazing.

I look shit. (yes I know you can't polish a turd).

Have you tried wearing make up?

 

[AverageJoe]

I'd look like a fat bearded Noel Fielding.

 

[Orang Utan]

Not exactly a scolding work email, but an email nonetheless - just a casual warning about a customer who may visit who is wanted by the police and ‘may have access to a gun’

 

[Pickman's model]

my new manager writes


it's not me - can't stand milk

 

[Storm Fox]

my new manager writes
View attachment 384762

it's not me - can't stand milk

That sounds like the opening salvo in the 'Wierd shit to replace milk with' war.

Just go nuclear from the start:

 

[Pickman's model]

That sounds like the opening salvo in the 'Wierd shit to replace milk with' war.

Just go nuclear from the start:
View attachment 384767

i'll see how i'm getting on with her next week before going from zero to apocalyptic

 

[Callie]

my new manager writes
View attachment 384762

it's not me - can't stand milk

Maybe the boss could get some milk, tea n biccies in for the team

 

[Pickman's model]

Maybe the boss could get some milk, tea n biccies in for the team

Don't think she's that sort of manager

 

[Elpenor]

Perhaps you need to give yourself a milk moustache before your next meeting with her

 

[smmudge]

Wow what kind of workplace doesn't provide milk as standard, isn't that a basic right

 

[equationgirl]

Wow what kind of workplace doesn't provide milk as standard, isn't that a basic right

A lot of these days.

 

[equationgirl]

Why would you wear an hoodie indoors anyway?

Because I feel the cold a lot at the moment and I can't afford to put the heating on?

 

[equationgirl]

Also, I have done afair number of interviews over the past six months, and loads of HR people wear hoodies. I wear a dress or a blouse and jacket and I'm definitely the smarter one in interviews.

 

[ouirdeaux]

There is a notice in the loo at work saying Please do not throw used paper towels on the floor. Now I don't really have a problem with this. There are people who have done this, and there is really no excuse, because the bin is right there. So if a few of them are shamed into doing the right thing by the notice, fair enough.

But it goes on to say Instead put them in the bin. For additional irritation, there is a full stop at the end. I can't explain why this gets on my nerves, but it does.

 

[A380]

Wow what kind of workplace doesn't provide milk as standard, isn't that a basic right

I worked in the public sector from 1992 to a couple of years back in several different organisations and nowhere ever provided milk or indeed anything else in the tea and coffee line.

 

[Elpenor]

• Third sector 2005 - 2009: milk, coffee and tea provided
• Private sector (big American Fortune 500 company) 2009 - 2014: milk, coffee and tea provided and also a shit free coffee machine
• Private sector (huge Japanese conglomerate) 2014 - 2019: milk, coffee and tea not provided but there was a slightly less shit free coffee machine
• Private sector (tiny head office of a cleaning company) 2020: bean to cup coffee machine, tea and milk provided
• Public sector 2021 - present: milk, coffee and tea not provided, hot water dispenser only

 

[PR1Berske]

The office politics around tea, coffee and milk are beyond baffling. I've known rotas, calendars, falling outs, stand up rows, gossip, shouting, bulk buying, the works.

 

[kenny g]

The office politics around tea, coffee and milk are beyond baffling. I've known rotas, calendars, falling outs, stand up rows, gossip, shouting, bulk buying, the works.

Had one colleague suggest to an apprentice she operate a spreadsheet of contributions Vs expenditure. I told her to ignore the proposal. I am adamant that the minimum of energy or organisation may be devoted to tea and milk. A few members of staff appear to have found it difficult to live with. They have left.

 

[ash]

I doubt you can force women to wear make up at home, or at work. If that’s not illegal, then it should be.
Dress codes are inherently sexist. Why can women wear skirts while men cannot wear shorts? Why can’t men wear skirts if women can wear trousers? And that’s before we even mention trans folk.
People need to be awkward about this. I don’t many would be disciplined for disobeying such nonsense orders, especially if it’s done en masse. I’ve always ignored, or at least twisted, such rules and got away with it. IIRC some male bus drivers in a European city managed to get a ‘no shorts’ directive overturned by turning up in force wearing skirts

I haven’t worn make up since I was about 19. If someone asked me to I would take it further!

 

[Petcha]

So i've spent all day been bollocked by corporate fucks in the US over apparently using the wrong logo on things for months, not my fault I should add, I was basing my stuff on someone elses. All this culminating in this firm-wide email.

Hi Everyone: Can we all make sure we are using the most recent/up-to-date version of the corporate logo on ANYTHING that is being produced that requires our logo. We have noticed that the old version of the logo is appearing on some materials.

Also, please use the most recent templates when producing materials for Global Marketing. DO NOT recycle previous design files, in case they have out-of-date assets in them.

Tks.

This is the link to the logo file she sent. To 2,500 people globally.

 

[quimcunx]

Oh dear.

 

[Petcha]

Oh dear.

It's all about attention to DETAIL. That's all I ask. If you're going to publicly humilate someone, please, detail, you fucking arsehole.

That's a great tune though. So cheers, Ali, cheers.

 

[teuchter]

I'm completely on Ali's side, with or without the video.