The office 'scolding email' thread
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equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
Long covid means I don't always catch the typos I make. I am forever missing words out of sentences because my brain and fingers type at such different speeds.
billy_bob
Air of bewilderment model's own
It may be long covid, but the fact is that no-one does. This is literally why editors and proofreaders exist - because our brains show us what we think should be there - what we intended to write, instead of what's actually there. It's got nothing whatever to do with intelligence, eloquence, level of education, or whatever, and anyone who says it does can, yep, fuck off!
mx wcfc
Well-Known Member
An absolute classic today, sent to a few senior people....
"As discussed with some of you, we are really keen to get a good turnout for this [office social] event (which has been rearranged from a previous cancellation in February), given that:
Please can I therefore encourage you to a) come along if possible (and let S, R and me know); and b) promote it amongst your teams."
I appreciate that for some teams it will be difficult due to workloads, but this event has been in the diary (and trailed) for some time and I think that for many people, a chance to get out and have a bit of fun at the beginning of Spring will be a great help for morale and wellbeing and will create momentum for future events."
Forced fun doesn't work. Besides that, no one likes fucking Walkabout (do they?), and the team organising it are stupidly competitive wankers who can't imagine the idea of an office do without a competition to make it "fun".
Not quite "The beatings will continue until moral improves" but not far off.
"As discussed with some of you, we are really keen to get a good turnout for this [office social] event (which has been rearranged from a previous cancellation in February), given that:
- The purpose of the socials is to reinforce/ build up the culture and team spirit of [company name] and to encourage people to make new internal contacts in a relaxed environment
- The members of the [x] team who have organised the event have put quite a bit of effort into devising it
- We have made a booking commitment to Walkabout [haha hahahaha] bar, which we felt was going to be a much more successful location than [our office] for example.
Please can I therefore encourage you to a) come along if possible (and let S, R and me know); and b) promote it amongst your teams."
I appreciate that for some teams it will be difficult due to workloads, but this event has been in the diary (and trailed) for some time and I think that for many people, a chance to get out and have a bit of fun at the beginning of Spring will be a great help for morale and wellbeing and will create momentum for future events."
Forced fun doesn't work. Besides that, no one likes fucking Walkabout (do they?), and the team organising it are stupidly competitive wankers who can't imagine the idea of an office do without a competition to make it "fun".
Not quite "The beatings will continue until moral improves" but not far off.
souljacker
innit
Are they paying for all your drinks and providing food? That's the only time I'll go out on a work do. Especially because it's the Walkabout.
mx wcfc
Well-Known Member
Oh yes, free booze and some food. Does Walkabout have anything worth drinking though? Haven't been to one for donkeys' years.
I used to be up for anything that involved the company paying for me to get pissed, but I'm too old now.
and I've got tickets for Peter Hook and the Light that night.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
Not an email but a rather surprising and unnecessary change in policy.
We had a team meeting Tuesday, there's been a reorganisation lately (which is causing havoc of course) combined with a hiring freeze.
I've never heard so many people swearing in a meeting. One lady seemed actually shocked to hear it lol. The latest change was to pointlessly reclassify something as a breach, when it actually broke no government rules. Then force us to process it as such, which takes about 5x longer.
Government organisation and this particular change was around, a particular type of emergency care that's unfortunately required. As its an emergency, you cannot apply in advance, since you cannot submit, have it processed and signed off by 4 different levels on the day the emergency happens.
So every single incident of this is now 5x longer and they happen disturbingly regularly. Me and another guy did nothing but these to catch up on Monday. Knocked out about 60 between us. Something like £6m in value. They may still all get kicked back or require extra informatok . That's going to be fun to work into a schedule.
It doesn't effect the actual care/support happening thankfully. Just produces huge amounts or additional paperwork which the government isn't interested in anyway, just this specific organisation.
The kicker was then talk of a some kind of warning/admonishment/something for those that were breaches. That absolutely no one has any control over and has been created by this policy.
We had a team meeting Tuesday, there's been a reorganisation lately (which is causing havoc of course) combined with a hiring freeze.
I've never heard so many people swearing in a meeting. One lady seemed actually shocked to hear it lol. The latest change was to pointlessly reclassify something as a breach, when it actually broke no government rules. Then force us to process it as such, which takes about 5x longer.
Government organisation and this particular change was around, a particular type of emergency care that's unfortunately required. As its an emergency, you cannot apply in advance, since you cannot submit, have it processed and signed off by 4 different levels on the day the emergency happens.
So every single incident of this is now 5x longer and they happen disturbingly regularly. Me and another guy did nothing but these to catch up on Monday. Knocked out about 60 between us. Something like £6m in value. They may still all get kicked back or require extra informatok . That's going to be fun to work into a schedule.
It doesn't effect the actual care/support happening thankfully. Just produces huge amounts or additional paperwork which the government isn't interested in anyway, just this specific organisation.
The kicker was then talk of a some kind of warning/admonishment/something for those that were breaches. That absolutely no one has any control over and has been created by this policy.
strung out
💩 🤣 🍆 💦 🧐 👻 🐝 🐈⬛
This isn't a scolding e-mail at all, but I don't know if there's a thread for banal work newsletter updates. Maybe I should start one.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll all be pleased to see the results of this vital survey sent out in my employer's weekly news:
This week's poll: Do you trust the weather forecast? VOTE NOW!
Anyway, I'm sure you'll all be pleased to see the results of this vital survey sent out in my employer's weekly news:
This week's poll: Do you trust the weather forecast? VOTE NOW!
strung out
💩 🤣 🍆 💦 🧐 👻 🐝 🐈⬛
Previous questions include:
- would you support or oppose the military shooting down suspected surveillance balloons if any were spotted in UK airspace?
- how often, if ever, do you swear?
- do you think the BBC was right or wrong to suspend Gary Lineker following his comments on social media about the government’s asylum policy?
- when do you think it's acceptable to start saying ‘Merry Christmas’?
strung out
💩 🤣 🍆 💦 🧐 👻 🐝 🐈⬛
18 people who cared enough to respond, but not enough to commit to one or the other. Perhaps they just like both equally.
They thought it was really important that everybody know that they couldn’t commit.
tim
EXPLODED TIM! (Help me!!!)
"We would like to inform you that we will be rescheduling the online yoga session that was previously planned for today. Please know that we are doing our best to ensure that we can reschedule the session as soon as possible and with the best possible outcome."
What would be the best outcome of an online yoga session? I sometimes feel that Dr Pangloss works in the Personnel Department.
What would be the best outcome of an online yoga session? I sometimes feel that Dr Pangloss works in the Personnel Department.
tim
EXPLODED TIM! (Help me!!!)
This has absolutely no relevance to me as I have no travel to book or expenses to fiddle, but I'm glad they're so excited and can't hide it
"Hello All,
The finance team is excited to announce the release of the updated Travel and Expense Policy, effective April 2023."
"Hello All,
The finance team is excited to announce the release of the updated Travel and Expense Policy, effective April 2023."
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
All I can advise is what you're doing - make it your bosses' problem. Produce rafts of paperwork for their signature, in fact I would be tempted to have a 'paperwork' meeting timetabled in their diary a few times if week to a) keep on top of the paperwork and b) keep them up to date with how much extra work it is. Make it clear it's an issue.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
Oh they know it an issue, aree quitting and moving somewhere else (after 10 years!) and has been very against this change even tho they won't be around to deal with it. They were also treated unfairly in the reorganisation, I have no idea why (not been here 6 months yet) but somehow as my manager and one of 3 people managing a team and directly the head of that entire area, the post reorganisation salary was now on technically less. Only technically as its protected for 2 years at the old rate, tho how that works with yearly raises/cost of living I don't know.
We have someone else covering as they are using leave up, covering manager i encouraging a lot of process improvements as they came from that sort of area. Also throwing back anything not done as we have been known to hand hold way too much and its become expected apparently. Given the form I got where they only really submitted names of project, people and departments and complained it took too long after that took them 4 months, that's probably true.
I don't work directly for them, when potentially punitive consequences for non regulatory breaches were mentioned and our people brought it up internally. The head of compliance, legal and company all went very professionally apeshit at them according to someone I know at the meeting. I hear we won't be subject to this now, same as a bunch of other things. Like working in office.
They have a retention issue and can't work out why. I have a few ideas.
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
The last place I worked had a massive retention problem. It was mainly down to one person being an unpredictable bully -one day she'd think you were great, the next you were awful, that kind of thing - and senior management were too spineless to deal with her because she met targets.
Does everyone else’s work have a termly/regular reminder about dress code. Why oh why can’t they just speak to the peoples that dare wear a spaghetti strap top, or don’t wear a tie directly?
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
I’ve always ignored such edicts and just wear what I think is suitable. I won’t be treated like a slave/child
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mx wcfc
Well-Known Member
Yeah, it happens fairly regularly here.
Its a job where the dress code has changed dramatically in the 30 years I've been there. We've gone from (men) suits and ties to jeans and t-shirts in that time. Similar for women.
Occasionally there is a reminder that we should be smart enough that, if we got called, unexpectedly, to a client meeting we would look ok. Occasionally, there's an email about ripped jeans, or scruffy trainers. Or t-shirts with offensive slogans.
A colleague did turn up with an "Eat the rich" t-shirt once", but it turned out to be Motorhead t-shirt, and he was a bit put out when I asked him whether he was an anarchist. Myself and a couple of colleagues have worn "leftie" t-shirts at election times.
At first, I was generally in the "I bought these fucking chinos two poxy weeks before the email about jeans being ok email was sent so I'm bloody well going to wear them out" camp.
But now I wear jeans on the rare times I go in, to save my chinos for client meetings, so that I never have to buy work clothes again.
Can't remember the last time I wore a tie.
May Kasahara
take me to the feeling
) and even I would never announce such a thing as exciting.
Puddy_Tat
naturally fluffy
no, they tend to think they are just unfortunate in getting a lot of defective employees, as they can't possibly be wrong.
i had a job briefly last summer / autumn - of the 4 people who started there a year or so earlier, 3 left within the first 6 months to a year. of the next intake of four people that i was one of, i was the second to leave, and i was there less than 6 months...
would a 'baby eating anarchist' t-shirt be considered acceptable?
StoneRoad
heckling from the back!
No, I might think about asking people to be fairly smart - & that's for a workshop - if we have a client visiting [as well as a reminder to keep the place even tidier than normal and to not make excessive noise].
On the other hand ...
One of the jobs we do can get extremely messy, even if you are very careful, and the mess ruins clothes with a bright yellow product. When we have that job scheduled, I instruct those involved to wear old clothes / overalls that they won't mind binning afterwards. {I'm not replacing anything if they don't follow that edict !}
mx wcfc
Well-Known Member
I'd wear it, if I had one! (newbie)
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
This is why they feel it necessary to have rules! Some people can’t be trusted to dress appropriately and it harms the rest of us 
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