The office 'scolding email' thread

[kabbes]

Ooh we've had an update

I don’t know really where to start….other than I am disappointed and bored ….I thought my email last week would have still been ingrained in your heads. But oh no today I have received five reports from my underground network of spies of several people eating lunch at their desks…..o…m…g

Look the whole point of using the kitchen to eat your food is for your benefit, the other floors have a severe mice problem and mummified mice have been found in the cupboards and peoples draws. Live mice are running around the other floors going about their daily business without a care in the world they have even been seen using the printers for scanning. If you want to carry on regardless then any mice found in your desk you will be made to take them home and raise them as your own children.

If you carry on repeat offending then it will be escalated to the Senior Management, which let’s face it is embarrassing for everyone. So keep it real people and just use the kitchen.

 

[Orang Utan]

what kind of sick fuck is going round mummifying mice and leaving in them in people's cupboards and draws?

 

[kabbes]

what kind of sick fuck is going round mummifying mice and leaving in them in people's cupboards and draws?

I had a whole family of mice living in a drawer that I discovered when I moved some papers. Building operations were called and the nice office clerks all had images of the baby mice being relocated to a farm or something but instead they got clubbed to death with an old iPhone box.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

what kind of sick fuck is going round mummifying mice and leaving in them in people's cupboards and draws?

Do they use strips of bog roll to mummify them like the Egyptians did?

 

[Orang Utan]

Do they use strips of bog roll to mummify them like the Egyptians did?

is there any other way?

 

[Puddy_Tat]

at mice who can manage scanning.

that's more than some of my colleagues can ..

 

[two sheds]

I had a whole family of mice living in a drawer that I discovered when I moved some papers. Building operations were called and the nice office clerks all had images of the baby mice being relocated to a farm or something but instead they got clubbed to death with an old iPhone box.

I had a rat

 

[FridgeMagnet]

Ooh we've had an update

That is a good combination of well written email and really arsey demands. Unfortunately it’s the arsey demands that always dominate. Writing a good email only tips the balance when it’s something that isn’t too much bother - otherwise you might as well do comic sans and word clipart for all the difference it’s going to make. I would foresee increasingly testy and sarcastic (but well written) emails on the subject.

 

[extra dry]

Talking of mice and rats, they are everywhere here. Get used to them after a while, I still jump just if I get surprized by any rat, fully grown adult, at night, while i am weating flip flops

 

[Orang Utan]

It's neither an email nor is it scolding, but it is a stupid sign seen in a workplace:

 

[Ranbay]

Someone just sent this photo to the whole company,

Email title = They are still here Martin !

 

[Badgers]

This one is quite special...

Hello Badgers

Hope you are having a lovely day. It has come to our attention that you have not been participating in our communal breakfast at 9:30am the past couple of days. We notice your lovely colleagues are collecting breakfast on your behalf. Unfortunately the meaning behind the communal breakfast is to have a brief moment away from your desk to interact with your fellow office neighbors! We have made your colleagues aware that the rule for breakfast is 2 items per person so this shouldn’t be a problem anymore

We look forward to seeing you down at breakfast tomorrow morning

Kind regards


Someone petty with far too much time on their hands

 

[Pickman's model]

This one is quite special...

a pity it's not someone pretty with far too much time on their hands

 

[Pickman's model]

This one is quite special...

how can you have a proper feb with only two items per person?

 

[Sapphireblue]

that is fucking hilarious, just the thought of working at a place with that kind of atmosphere is making me want to weep. you must socialise with your office neighbours

 

[neonwilderness]

This one is quite special...

Come on Badgers, make an effort!

 

[FridgeMagnet]

This one is quite special...

FRIENDLY COMMUNAL BREAKFAST IS MANDATORY

YOU WILL NOT DEFY FRIENDLY COMMUNAL BREAKFAST

 

[kabbes]

I’m sure you can attend breakfast in a way that will ensure they never invite you for breakfast again.

 

[equationgirl]

FRIENDLY COMMUNAL BREAKFAST IS MANDATORY

YOU WILL NOT DEFY FRIENDLY COMMUNAL BREAKFAST

YOU WILL ENJOY FRIENDLY MANDATORY COMMUNAL BREAKFAST OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MIDDLE MANAGEMENT.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

 

[Badgers]

Another colleague went down and the emailer asked if I had got the email. He told her that I have heart problems so was avoiding the stairs and had been very upset by the email

 

[neonwilderness]

Another colleague went down and the emailer asked if I had got the email. He told her that I have heart problems so was avoiding the stairs and had been very upset by the email

I hope you realise they’re going to start making special allowances for you now, so you’re going to have to pretend to have a heart condition for as long as you work there

 

[cybershot]

Another colleague went down and the emailer asked if I had got the email. He told her that I have heart problems so was avoiding the stairs and had been very upset by the email

Communal breakfast is around your desk for the foreseeable then?

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Communal breakfast is around your desk for the foreseeable then?

 

[equationgirl]

Communal breakfast will now only consist of heart healthy items to accommodate Badgers - goodbye bacon rolls, hello plain porridge, fruit and dry toast. NO BUTTER.

 

[spitfire]

Another colleague went down and the emailer asked if I had got the email. He told her that I have heart problems so was avoiding the stairs and had been very upset by the email

HAhahahahahahaha

 

[equationgirl]

Did you have fun at mandatory communal breakfast today Badgers?

 

[Badgers]

Did you have fun at mandatory communal breakfast today Badgers?

I boycotted it due to my poor heart today in protest

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Hi All


We are currently experiencing some issue with the phone system


We are investigating this with our suppliers


Please remember to log all ticket with******


Update to follow in 15 minute


Apologies for the incontinence caused


Thanks

 

[Pickman's model]

I boycotted it due to my poor heart today in protest

Your achy-breaky heart