the long-awaited 'why the telegraph is going downhill' thread

[SpookyFrank]

Blame Remainers for opening the door to a no-deal Brexit, but it may now be the least painful option

Poor old remainers. Now it turns out they voted for a hard Brexit.

Hold on, so it's blame x for bad thing y which is actually the best thing? Surely then it should be thank remainers for visiting no-deal brexit upon us.

 

[Poi E]

Yeah. Amazing coming from such an august rag.

 

[stavros]

 

[stavros]

Would a Johnson victory be bittersweet for the Telegraph? From what I understand he's their star columnist, to their readership at least.

 

[Poi E]

The owners will have to kiss his arse a lot more.

 

[stavros]

Will they? They'd support any Tory "to deliver us from the threat of a Corbyn government". And no Tory leader is going to piss on their sweet little tax ruse in Sark/Monaco.

 

[stavros]

Wouldn't "making his entrance" involve a shot of his mum with her legs spread apart?

 

[Proper Tidy]

Ahaaaa Lidl takeover of Waitrose stores will damage our house prices, say homeowners

 

[Proper Tidy]

.

 

[brogdale]

.

Kal needs to know that things are even worse in Sundridge Park (Bromley).
1. No duck eggs &
2. Replacing with a fucking Lidl.

 

[binka]

.

Obviously not that fucking affluent if they can't even keep a Waitrose in business!

 

[Dogsauce]

When I lived in Islington, two Waitroses within ten minutes walk, it used to piss me off how far I had to go to get to a Lidl or an Aldi, usually involving a bike ride up to hackney or Walthamstow. These cunts don’t know how lucky they are.

 

[stavros]

Kal needs to know that things are even worse in Sundridge Park (Bromley).
1. No duck eggs &
2. Replacing with a fucking Lidl.

View attachment 179237

There was a very similar article in the Graun last week, complete with the duck egg quote.

 

[stavros]

It seems a shame to let this thread die, particularly as the paper is now the official fanzine of the PM:



This almost reads like a Private Eye parody Telegraph headline. In the print too small to read it'll say "No".

 

[Proper Tidy]

It seems a shame to let this thread die, particularly as the paper is now the official fanzine of the PM:

View attachment 183924

This almost reads like a Private Eye parody Telegraph headline. In the print too small to read it'll say "No".

DUP will never go for the all-ireland thing (backstop applies to NI only) so without a change in parliamentary maths no fucking chance. And even if he got it through it would basically accelerate irish reunification. So I'm all for it.

 

[stavros]

If only there were other schools people could send their kids to...

 

[brogdale]

Completely lost their shit today...

 

[stavros]

Who do you think they'd rather bring back to life, Thatcher or Churchill?

 

[Poi E]

Go fuck your nanny, Charles Moore. A whole upper middle class of poorly educated, effete and anachronistic children. No wonder England is fucked. It's been scammed by private education for centuries.

 

[Badgers]

Barclay brothers put Telegraph newspapers up for sale, reports claim

 

[brogdale]

Barclay brothers put Telegraph newspapers up for sale, reports claim

Should we all club together and put in a bid?

 

[gosub]

Should we all club together and put in a bid?

As long as Matt keeps doing the cartoon.

Getting a load of retired Majors up to speed on crack squirrels and Ruddy Yurts back catalogue shouldn't be too hard. And cats defo needs more cats - broadsheet format lends itself quite well to longcat

 

[stavros]

Is anyone likely to be interested in buying something whose sales are falling, other than for the esteem?

 

[Badgers]

Is anyone likely to be interested in buying something whose sales are falling, other than for the esteem?

Maybe a weathly person with an off shore bank account and am axe to grind?

 

[Raheem]

Is anyone likely to be interested in buying something whose sales are falling, other than for the esteem?

At the right price, I'd definitely buy the Telegraph, then hire Derren Brown to design content that will hypnotise its readers into shutting themselves into a cupboard.

 

[Proper Tidy]

I'd buy it just so I could make Matt do socialist realism

 

[stavros]

Madeleine Grant seems to be infecting a lot of the political commentary on telly at the moment. She's been on Politics Live a lot, and was on Marr this morning, and always with the standard Torygraph lines.

 

[Raheem]

No way I'm paying to read it, but the title is a classic.

If we must be slim, why are so many nurses fat?

That so many NHS staff are overweight will only make it harder to convince the public to take weight loss advice

www.telegraph.co.uk

 

[equationgirl]

No way I'm paying to read it, but the title is a classic.

If we must be slim, why are so many nurses fat?

That so many NHS staff are overweight will only make it harder to convince the public to take weight loss advice

www.telegraph.co.uk

Charles needs to fuck off, I think.

 

[gentlegreen]

If Johnson had actually had Covid19, I wonder if he'd have got more mileage out of it if he'd snuffed it ...