ElizabethofYork
Old Crone
What sort of weapon should we carry around with us?
Men’s violence against women and girls is a national emergency
- Thread starter ElizabethofYork
- Start date
So what else has worked in the thousands of years women have been routinely attacked?
mojo pixy
שיר חדש
We all do IMO, young, old, masculine, feminine, everyone.
You can train in the art of weapon fighting. There is a martial art called Escrima that teaches you to fight with a weapon small enough to carry in your hand. The skills you learn can be transferred to bigger weapons, if needed.
Silas Loom
Advanced. Forthright. Signifficant.
Most people, men or women, are very bad at fighting. It doesn’t come naturally. It’s not a solution. It is inherently risky. Carrying offensive weapons is illegal for good reasons.
Comparing martial arts for self defence is a massive derail.
Comparing martial arts for self defence is a massive derail.
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Changing the facts
How does being physically able to fight off the aggressor work when the aggressor is sly cunning, deliberate, watchful, clever etc?
Narcissistic abuse is, I suspect, far more common than we realise, and much less likely to result in physical harm. No amount of physical abilities will make one safe from the malignant narcissist.
Narcissistic abuse is, I suspect, far more common than we realise, and much less likely to result in physical harm. No amount of physical abilities will make one safe from the malignant narcissist.
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Changing the facts
It’s also corrupts the victim.
Becoming the kind of person who causes harm and hurt can severely damage one’s sense of self.
Having to stoop the cause harm, whatever the motivation or cause, feels incredibly corrosive.
I didn't say it did. I was mainly referring to attacks outside the home. As for inside the home, that's more complex, but I wouldn't rule out using a weapon if necessary.
So you think that getting arrested for carrying a weapon, is more important than defending yourself?
BTW, I didn't mention illegal weapons, you did.
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Changing the facts
Being able to fight off stranger danger is useful. But it’s the smallest part of the problem.
It’s the tip of the iceberg, the flag on top of the enormous pile of shit.
The loud crazy examples of obvious violence are at the very top of a huge stable pyramid of quiet, unrecognised, unacknowledged, unseen stuff that rarely gets reported, and convicted even less.
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Better than being seriously hurt or worse.
It's not how violence works though. I grew up in a town that was insanely violent and saw a lot of it when I was younger, including big hefty blokes reduced to begging someone half their size to stop and someone I know who had a black belt doing all his fancy moves whilst the bloke just laughed at him and then hit him in the face with a bottle.
It's about temperament. As pointed out upthread there are a range of instinctive responses to an immediate threat and most people don't know how they'll respond until it happens but usually people, even men, do not retaliate in the way you might expect. I'm sure it's possible people could be trained into it with repeated exposure and muscle memory techniques, that's how they train soldiers, but most women don't have that kind of time.
I get what you're saying, but something has to change.
Silas Loom
Advanced. Forthright. Signifficant.
All weapons which might plausibly be used for self defence are illegal to carry for that purpose. And yes, I think that legislation is very sensible and there’s no valid reason to argue that it should be broken.
Let’s stop derailing.
Edit to add: tardigrade from your spelling of “defense” downthread, I assume you’re from a jurisdiction where rules on carrying weapons are more permissive. But this is a conversation in UK pol sparked off by an NPCC report, so it makes sense for the discussion to be bounded by UK law.
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I also grew up in an area where violence was the norm. As I've already said, I don't think most martial arts are useful for self defense, apart from the ones that teach close contact fighting or weapons fighting. Yes, you'd have to spend some time learning the skills involved, but surely it's worth it to have more confidence in yourself.
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Changing the facts
Confidence isn’t the problem.
Coercive control undermines and destroys the confidence, then the abuse begins.
I suggest that rather than digging into a position of defence here you pause and think about the replies you’re getting. It’s obvious you want things to be better, also obvious that you need to have a more nuanced understanding of the underlying issues.
Not having a go.
But you’re at risk of getting it in the neck with your Insistence that hitting back is the right answer.
Coercive control undermines and destroys the confidence, then the abuse begins.
I suggest that rather than digging into a position of defence here you pause and think about the replies you’re getting. It’s obvious you want things to be better, also obvious that you need to have a more nuanced understanding of the underlying issues.
Not having a go.
But you’re at risk of getting it in the neck with your Insistence that hitting back is the right answer.
I'm not derailing, I'm genuinely trying to offer a solution. It's not a popular solution and never has been. But i don't see any other solutions talked about here, that could make an immediate difference. Even if just for a few women.
barlimo
Well-Known Member
The only solution is that men will have to change their behaviour!I get what you're saying, but something has to change.
Jammy smears
Pickle your knees in cheese
Some of us just lack physical strength and no self defence classes in the world will change that. I remember years ago having a pretend fight with my son when he was about 9/10 to get him off his laptop, he gripped hold of his chair and I swear I gave it my all and I could not move him from his chair. If I can't win a planned fight against a child, I'm not sure I fancy my chances with a surprise attack from a fully grown man. My husband always tells me to aim for the eyes or the groin but it's easier said than done in reality, even if I have something to hand I can use as a weapon I'm aware that the chances of me being able to use it is slim.
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Changing the facts
purenarcotic
Conveniently Pocket Sized
Oh do fuck off.
I was in a coercive relationship several years ago, and I know how it can destroy you from inside. I've seen a lot of violence, and a lot of controlling behaviour. All we do is go round in circles, coming up with nothing new to the problem. Defending yourself is a solution, if an unpopular one.
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Changing the facts
Not just men. Everyone.
It’s the patriarchy.
Women are also conditioned.
I’m not saying women are colluding, I’m not victim blaming.
But women are blinded and conditioned into (for example) wanting to tame the bad lad, rescue the wounded unloved man etc
Fuck off yourself. I don't see you offering any solutions.
danny la rouge
More like *fanny* la rouge!
OK, it might mitigate the problem for a few people, in defined circumstances. But really it’s another “solution” that’s saying women have to change. It’s not that far off telling women to dress differently etc.
The problem is the structure of society, and that won’t be changed by tai kwan do.
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Changing the facts
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s shit and I hope you are recovering.
By your matrix defending ourselves in-kind means either using physical violence against coercive control, or using coercive control against coercive control. Can you see how neither of these work?
Jammy smears
Pickle your knees in cheese
What use would that weapon be if grabbed from behind and bashed over the head? By the time your brain comrehends what is happening, it's too late for weapons, karate chops or anything else.
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Changing the facts
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