Excuses for being late

[dessiato]

Quoted so you can't walk that nasty shit back,

Thanks. I don't want to walk it back.

 

[xenon]

I'm always on time if 1, I want to be there, 2, there's potential serious repercussions or agro for being late. 3, I haven't genuinnely forgotten.

Applies to work and life.

I do get a bit annoyed when people are late for social things especially if don't phone / text to say.
If food's involved, I reckon it's fine to start without them after 10 minutes and no ETA given.

If others are late at work, it ranges from mild annoyance to whatevz mate, clock's still ticking and I'm leaving at 5 anyway.

 

[redsquirrel]

You've made your view clear dessiato. Can you take the debate elsewhere now please.

People use the employment forum to post for advice, and people often browse past threads for guidance. Don't think this is the place for the wider debate.

 

[xenon]

I’m not always late. Just sometimes.
I guess my job just needs to be a better one, so I’m more motivated to be punctual. I dunno though. Why can’t they just accept that I may be late sometimes and when I am I can be useful after work and get a load of stuff done that other people find boring and that won’t be interrupted by customers.

If someone else can open up and leave at their corrosponding time, this seems OK to me. I mean if I got there at 08:30 and could leave at 16:30 and you were 09:30 to 17:30, would not bother me.

I used to be late for a job I didn't really like. I haven't got ADHD, just was fucked off with it. However, it was flexi so I left the right time later... mostly...

 

[xenon]

If you can do it sometimes, you can do it others.

A bit unnecesarry needleing. Check what forum you're in.

 

[Orang Utan]

Why cant you be flexible for them too?

I have been all my life and it's had bad consquences. One of the reasonable adjustments I am entitlled to ask is for my work schedule to be more regular as I cannot be as flexible in some parts of my job as others can

Please go read about ADHD or just wind your neck in and stop being so unpleasant.

 

[xenon]

Ha actually I thought it was K&S. Maybe should be.

 

[Athos]

I can when i'm sufficiently motivated, but as Miss-Shelf pointed out, it comes with a price of constant stress, anxiety, depression and self-loathing.
I'm not masking that shit anymore as I want to live longer. I've twisted myself into psychic torment just to fit in with normie and I would rather avoid going back to a life of permastress. Hence my requests for lenience when it comes to punctuality and sick days. It's time for my employers to be flexible for me.

Fair enough. As much as I hate lateness, I'd always side with a worker. And you do at least have a reason. So good luck with it.

 

[dessiato]

You've made your view clear dessiato. Can you take the debate elsewhere now please.

People use the employment forum to post for advice, and people often browse past threads for guidance. Don't think this is the place for the wider debate.

OK. I'll do that.

 

[Orang Utan]

Ha actually I thought it was K&S. Maybe should be.

it's out of order wherever it's posted.

 

[Miss-Shelf]

it's out of order wherever it's posted.

I agree. Someone has posted about their disability and others are telling them just to pull their socks up about it. Really out of order. And saying because one person who has a disability can do something in a particular context, it means means that everyone with that disability can do the same thing,

 

[friedaweed]

Do fuck off you tiresome piece of shit. Just because I won't bow down to your over inflated ego.

I've, as I said, taught a lot of people. Some who were diagnosed as ADHD. They, with difficulty admittedly, could sort themselves out.

Stop using your ADHD as an excuse for not trying to help yourself.

Well if we're doing credetialgate# all over agian, I've worked with special needs kids for the best part of 3 decades and I'm sorry Dessi but in that statement you sound like many of the teachers those kids encountered that made their diagnosis prolonged, unrecognised, their educational experience difficult and their long term outlook made worse.

You don't sort out ADHD you learn to live with it and you teach kids with ADHD differently not the same. Expecting someone with a disability to "Sort themselves out" and conform to norms is the wrong way to go about it. You don't expect autistic people to snap to it and sort themselves out or a deaf person to listen more carefully.

If you employ someone with ADHD you do have a responsibility to enable them to be employed by you without prejudice. It's 2023.

 

[Pickman's model]

I can when i'm sufficiently motivated, but as Miss-Shelf pointed out, it comes with a price of constant stress, anxiety, depression and self-loathing.
I'm not masking that shit anymore as I want to live longer. I've twisted myself into psychic torment just to fit in with normie and I would rather avoid going back to a life of permastress. Hence my requests for lenience when it comes to punctuality and sick days. It's time for my employers to be flexible for me.

Where I work the opening up is the most tiresome bit of the day, emptying book bins, doing the enquiries, fetching stuff off the shelves, doing the card totals. You say your colleagues are alright with your uncertain punctuality because of your later mucking in. But I wonder. When one of my colleagues was continually late and left me always doing the shitwork at the start of the day I was nice enough for a while. But it grated and will likely grate for your colleagues too even if they don't let on to you that they're irritated, because library people are nice like that, I know because I've had colleagues who turned up tardily and left me to do work even when it wasn't my go

 

[Orang Utan]

I’ve spoken about it with my colleagues. There’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t get done when cos we’re too busy when we’re open. I recently banged through ten skips of discards that we hadn’t had a chance to do in opening hours.
The morning stuff I tend not to do is the cash/till but I tend to do the evening processes around that instead. And lots of shelving and stock in order which mostly gets done in the evenings.
We all pull along quite nicely and understand each others’ strengths and weaknesses. There are very few issues between colleagues at the place I work at currently. It’s just management and they’re box ticking that get on my arse about it

 

[Pickman's model]

I’ve spoken about it with my colleagues. There’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t get done when cos we’re too busy when we’re open. I recently banged through ten skips of discards that we hadn’t had a chance to do in opening hours .
The morning stuff I tend not to do is the cash/till but I tend to do the evening processes around that instead. And lots of shelving and stock in order which mostly gets done in the evenings.
We all pull along quite nicely and understand each others’ strengths and weaknesses. There are very few issues between colleagues at the place I work at currently. It’s just management and they’re box ticking that get on my arse about it

Managers are colleagues too

E2A you say above you can be punctual when you need to be. But you're relying on a) your colleagues being in and on time and b) being in good health. If you're in on time it can be the difference between the library opening as advertised or opening late. It's continual gambling on everyone else being OK. I hope this doesn't come back to bite you on the arse, I fear it might

 

[Orang Utan]

Managers are colleagues too

Who I care less about pleasing cos they fail to discharge their responsibilities towards me.

But you’re nitpicking just for the sake of it.

 

[Pickman's model]

Who I care less about pleasing cos they fail to discharge their responsibilities towards me.

But you’re nitpicking just for the sake of it.

See my edit

 

[Pickman's model]

Who I care less about pleasing cos they fail to discharge their responsibilities towards me.

But you’re nitpicking just for the sake of it.

Yeh. Managers are cunts. But they can discipline you, you can't discipline them. And if you're late it's really easy to spot. This isn't a game you can win, if your punctuality is as variable as you say. As people have said above, a little lie works whereas total honesty will do you no favours. Still, it's up to you if you make things needlessly hard for yourself.

 

[Elpenor]

If I am ever late, I’m honest and just say the reason. It’s far easier than lying, which I’m not that good at, given what I do, not being honest and being caught lit would make my professional integrity questionable.

Some reasons in 2022 were - burst tyre on motorway, Carbon monoxide alarm went off in middle of night so needed more sleep, and a fairly common one “overslept”. But I also have flexi hours so don’t need to start till 10 if I don’t want to, work at home 80% of the time and don’t really have any responsibilities or meetings which mean I need to be at work by a given time.

I can see the debate has moved on since - and really Pickman's model is right in that last post - being late is a game you can’t win - especially as you say the purpose of the role is to provide a service to the public during a defined time period - is this part of your contract of employment?

Unfortunately, notwithstanding the ADHD, I think continuing lateness is potentially giving your management a really effective weapon to use against you if they choose.

I wonder how much of the issue is the role you are in, as I think you’ve expressed frustrations about this before in terms of environmental factors eg nowhere to dry wet clothes after cycling in.

Could there be an opportunity to redeploy to a different role in the organisation which is either more motivating so you don’t have the same punctuality issues, or else one which doesn’t have a hard start time.

 

[cesare]

I can when i'm sufficiently motivated, but as Miss-Shelf pointed out, it comes with a price of constant stress, anxiety, depression and self-loathing.
I'm not masking that shit anymore as I want to live longer. I've twisted myself into psychic torment just to fit in with normie and I would rather avoid going back to a life of permastress. Hence my requests for lenience when it comes to punctuality and sick days. It's time for my employers to be flexible for me.

Opening up for trade isn't something that would be reasonable for employers to adjust.

 

[Clair De Lune]

Tricky topic this init. I have mixed views on it as you'll see ...

As a fellow adhder I obviously know how difficult and stressful being on time can be. When my kids were little we were late A LOT for school. But they're 15 and 20 now and so I've had years of practice getting things ready the night before, adjusting what time I wake to ensure a more pleasant morning routine that means I'm not rushing round like a mad forgetful banshee. I've also been working in schools and colleges for the last decade and lateness simply doesn't wash.

Saying that, I choose to be 5 mins late every day for my current job- the reason being that it affects nobody. I was getting the 6:55 train for six months and arriving early but stressed. Then I realised I could get the 7:20 train and arrive sweaty and on time or 5 mins late and calm (and only slightly moist ) But...and its a big BUT that I like, I can't lie..I CAN get away with it in my job. Nobody is waiting for me, I'm not holding anyone up or expecting anyone to start my work for me etc...AND I'm fucking good at my job and hard working and think nothing of staying late to finish something up. So that's how I justify that chosen lateness. If I was a teacher then that lateness would be cause for a disciplinary.

In my private work I'm always on time because I have to get to the room before a client and put the lights and heating on and adjust my cardigan
My ADHD clients or clients with ADHD parents are sometimes late and I don't give a shit, I expect it and I operate a zero shame policy. I wish more people and places would do that.
Consistently getting angry with a partner, friend or colleague? Then adjust your expectations and get your fucking self righteous anger in check dickhead- no sympathy

I have worked with ADHDers helping them get better at this stuff successfully. If you were my client orang I'd be smiling and asking if you've noticed you keep saying 'yes... but' to any suggestions. I'd then explore your ideal morning routine to get out the door on time calm and happy and look at what sometimes gets in the way of that.

 

[Spymaster]

Don't think this is helpful on a thread in the employment forum.

I didn’t notice the forum either. Apols for taking the piss.

 

[bellaozzydog]

Reading this thread I’m glad I’ve never had a proper job

I was brought up in a home environment where my mum struggled to leave the house on time and would get berated by my dad routinely

I was always adrift when a kid getting dropped off late at swimming training etc and getting routinely berated publicly for it

My anxiety dreams are about not being ready to go/being last and disorganised to fuck

So I’m like my mum, can’t straighten my thoughts and be ready to go so I probably over engineer my life to avoid those feelings
Hence being determinedly early for everything I need to be on time for

Bags packed night before
wierd routines prepping stuff before bed
Reviewing time and distances and adding huge comfort zones for arrival times, ending up in airport three hours early for check in
Getting up two hours early than I need to so I can engineer in my faff time/wake up time

Time flies when I need to be somewhere and slows to a stop when I don’t

 

[Steel Icarus]

A common anxiety dream of mine is being late. I have loads of time, get distracted, then hardly any time, get distracted, running very late. I'm never late irl, I'm good at waiting so I'd always rather be twenty minutes early than two minutes late.
I'm also completely intolerant of people who piss about or make ME late.

 

[kalmatthew]

Reading this thread I’m glad I’ve never had a proper job

I was brought up in a home environment where my mum struggled to leave the house on time and would get berated by my dad routinely

I was always adrift when a kid getting dropped off late at swimming training etc and getting routinely berated publicly for it

My anxiety dreams are about not being ready to go/being last and disorganised to fuck

So I’m like my mum, can’t straighten my thoughts and be ready to go so I probably over engineer my life to avoid those feelings
Hence being determinedly early for everything I need to be on time for

Bags packed night before
wierd routines prepping stuff before bed
Reviewing time and distances and adding huge comfort zones for arrival times, ending up in airport three hours early for check in
Getting up two hours early than I need to so I can engineer in my faff time/wake up time

Time flies when I need to be somewhere and slows to a stop when I don’t

Liked because I do exactly this

 

[moomoo]

Getting up two hours early than I need to so I can engineer in my faff time/wake up time

Relatable. I need time to do nothing in the mornings. I can’t be up and out like some people. That would screw my whole day.

 

[bellaozzydog]

I'm also completely intolerant of people who piss about or make ME late.

This
But I’m getting better. At work I don’t care I’ll sit and be as late as people make me, it’s no bother

But when I’m doing something I want to be doing I struggle a bit with faffers despite being one myself

 

[Clair De Lune]

Relatable. I need time to do nothing in the mornings. I can’t be up and out like some people. That would screw my whole day.

God yes, me too. I've managed to get it to waking at 5:40 and leaving at 6:40. Time goes so quickly in the mornings! I now don't use my phone in the mornings on my early days, cos I can get locked in and not notice the time. Better to meditate and have a nice cuppa while stroking the cats, have a lovely shower and then have enough time to dress without a huge rush. For me, my morning routine is so important as if it's stressy, I stay stressed all day.

 

[Spymaster]

I'm also completely intolerant of people who piss about or make ME late.

Some folk’s heads are wired strangely. I picked someone up for a Xmas drinks bash a couple of weeks ago and was waiting in the car for about 15 mins. When she came down it was obvious we were behind time so I told her to ring the host and tell him we were going to be late. The response was “no, don’t worry, they’re used to it with me”. A total disregard for other people. I made the call and explained we’d be late because xxxxx had been fucking around. She heard that call and got the hump, like she wanted everyone else to share her shitness and not be solely blamed.

 

[Athos]

Some folk’s heads are wired strangely. I picked someone up for a Xmas drinks bash a couple of weeks ago and was waiting in the car for about 15 mins. When she came down it was obvious we were behind time so I told her to ring the host and tell him we were going to be late. The response was “no, don’t worry, they’re used to it with me”. A total disregard for other people. I made the call and explained we’d be late because xxxxx had been fucking around. She heard that call and got the hump, like she wanted everyone else to share her shitness and not be solely blamed.

I'd not have involved someone who's habitually late in my plans. If I absolutely had too, I'd tell her in advance that I'd be leaving on time, with or without her. If she didn't turn up on time, I'd ring her at the allotted departure time and explain I was leaving in two minutes; I'd probably actually give her five minutes grace. Then I'd leave, explaining that I didn't want to arrive late because that'd be rude to out host, and suggest she get a taxi.