Bikers - "Your Biggest Fuck-Up"

[Spymaster]

DownwardDog will win this, but my entry is over-cooking the A329M just after the M4 slip towards Bracknell.

I undertook a car at about 130 (900 Blade) but then couldn't tuck in for the rest of the bend and the whole bike felt like it was on ice when I braked, sliding front and back. It should've flipped over but didn't. Pants shitting stuff.

I somehow finished upright, but facing the CR, perpendicular in the outside lane.

 

[DownwardDog]

As well as my GSX-R superman aerial in Scotland which I've detailed before. I've also done...

Stuffed a brand new GSX-R1100 under a milk tanker on a wet roundabout. A write off with no insurance. I was still paying the finance on it three years later.

Massive highside at about 160km/h going in to the Ramshoek at Assen on my R1. I seemed to be in the air for such a long time. Broke a couple of fingers.

I had a Porsche Cayenne pull out on me on the A3 autobahn when I was WFO in top gear on another R1. I got on the brakes and aimed for the gap between the porker and central reservation. I just brushed it but that was enough to put me down. I reckon I was doing 240km/h when I hit the deck. I slid so far my gloves started to catch fire from the friction. Miraculously unharmed but the bike was utterly destroyed. The police report said they found the speedo and rev counter 550m from the site of the initial accident. I think if it hadn't been wet I would have tumbled quite a bit and probably been killed.

I recently highsided my Fireblade on a roundabout as I had been messing around with the aftermarket traction control unit and had forgotten I'd disabled it. I gave it the berries in second gear and it flipped me off. I was only doing about 60km/h but I was pretty badly banged up and the bike looked like it had done 12 rounds with an automatic cunting machine.

Loads of motocross accidents. I had a broken footpeg through my right calf on Christmas Day a few years ago. Wife not amused to have her Christmas dinner from a casualty dept. vending machine while I piss claret on to the floor.

I had a 160km/h+ tankslapper on yet another R1 coming out of the flugplatz at the 'ring. It seemed to go on forever. The suspension also bottomed out, bent the shock mount and ground away the bellypan. I still had dreams about this incident for months afterward.

Been banned for speeding 6 times (4 times on a bike, 2 times in a car) in three different countries (UK, Belgium, Australia).

Might think of a few more later.

 

[Spymaster]

I recently highsided my Fireblade on a roundabout as I had been messing around with the aftermarket traction control unit and had forgotten I'd disabled it. I gave it the berries in second gear and it flipped me off. I was only doing about 60km/h but I was pretty badly banged up and the bike looked like it had done 12 rounds with an automatic cunting machine.

Bit of a schoolboy error but we've all done similar.

In 1985 my mate bought a brand new GSX 550 with an inheritance. The rest of us were buzzing around on the strokers of the day, X7s, RDs, etc. All "Stan Stevens tuned", except we did it ourselves in Rob's dad's garage.

So I was posing on the brand spanking new GSX in Reading town center. It was outside a mall called the Butts Centre and there were hundreds of people around. My own bike ("Stan Stevens" X7) had dropped bars and rear-sets, so you could put your feet straight down when stopped.

I pulled up at the lights, put it in neutral then raised my visor with my left hand. I needed to be seen. Giving it a few bips, but nothing vulgar.

I looked the fucking business on this brand new, black and red, 2 grand Suzi.

Then I put my left foot down and knocked it into 1st just as I was giving it some wrist. The bike wheelied through the lights (pedestrian crossing, nobody hurt), knocked out the rear light and eventually stopped, half on the pavement outside Dixon's. I'm laying on the casing with the chain ripping at my elbow (I had a lovely new black and white Dainese jobbie on) and the engine doing its nuts, still in gear with my right hand holding it fully open!

I closed my visor, heaved it up, and fucked-off back to Bracknell.

I had to pay Rob £305 quid to get the fairing, bars, clutch lever, and left pegs fixed.

I've got loads more too....

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

Not me, but about two mates of mine. Mate A is in the process of getting his full license and has bought himself a brand new Ducati 900 Monster in readiness but has obviously never ridden it yet. Mate B has had a full license for years, experienced with all sorts of stuff, known as a quick but safe rider. Asks if he can have a quick ride out on it as it's just sitting there in the garage. Mate A says yeah, why not. Mate B takes it down the "Cat & Fiddle" Buxton to Macclesfield road.

I'm sure you can work the rest out

 

[craigxcraig]

Riding up to a bunch of mates and on coming to stop tried the rolling, put your side stand down and step off all in one motion.

Except that I missed the stand, came to a stop and the bike fell sideways with me on it - much to the amusement of my mates!

 

[Utopia]

As well as my GSX-R superman aerial in Scotland which I've detailed before. I've also done...

Stuffed a brand new GSX-R1100 under a milk tanker on a wet roundabout. A write off with no insurance. I was still paying the finance on it three years later.

Massive highside at about 160km/h going in to the Ramshoek at Assen on my R1. I seemed to be in the air for such a long time. Broke a couple of fingers.

I had a Porsche Cayenne pull out on me on the A3 autobahn when I was WFO in top gear on another R1. I got on the brakes and aimed for the gap between the porker and central reservation. I just brushed it but that was enough to put me down. I reckon I was doing 240km/h when I hit the deck. I slid so far my gloves started to catch fire from the friction. Miraculously unharmed but the bike was utterly destroyed. The police report said they found the speedo and rev counter 550m from the site of the initial accident. I think if it hadn't been wet I would have tumbled quite a bit and probably been killed.

I recently highsided my Fireblade on a roundabout as I had been messing around with the aftermarket traction control unit and had forgotten I'd disabled it. I gave it the berries in second gear and it flipped me off. I was only doing about 60km/h but I was pretty badly banged up and the bike looked like it had done 12 rounds with an automatic cunting machine.

Loads of motocross accidents. I had a broken footpeg through my right calf on Christmas Day a few years ago. Wife not amused to have her Christmas dinner from a casualty dept. vending machine while I piss claret on to the floor.

I had a 160km/h+ tankslapper on yet another R1 coming out of the flugplatz at the 'ring. It seemed to go on forever. The suspension also bottomed out, bent the shock mount and ground away the bellypan. I still had dreams about this incident for months afterward.

Been banned for speeding 6 times (4 times on a bike, 2 times in a car) in three different countries (UK, Belgium, Australia).

Might think of a few more later.

Sounds like you should maybe think about a different mode of transport????

 

[cliche guevara]

As well as my GSX-R superman aerial in Scotland which I've detailed before. I've also done...

Stuffed a brand new GSX-R1100 under a milk tanker on a wet roundabout. A write off with no insurance. I was still paying the finance on it three years later.

Massive highside at about 160km/h going in to the Ramshoek at Assen on my R1. I seemed to be in the air for such a long time. Broke a couple of fingers.

I had a Porsche Cayenne pull out on me on the A3 autobahn when I was WFO in top gear on another R1. I got on the brakes and aimed for the gap between the porker and central reservation. I just brushed it but that was enough to put me down. I reckon I was doing 240km/h when I hit the deck. I slid so far my gloves started to catch fire from the friction. Miraculously unharmed but the bike was utterly destroyed. The police report said they found the speedo and rev counter 550m from the site of the initial accident. I think if it hadn't been wet I would have tumbled quite a bit and probably been killed.

I recently highsided my Fireblade on a roundabout as I had been messing around with the aftermarket traction control unit and had forgotten I'd disabled it. I gave it the berries in second gear and it flipped me off. I was only doing about 60km/h but I was pretty badly banged up and the bike looked like it had done 12 rounds with an automatic cunting machine.

Loads of motocross accidents. I had a broken footpeg through my right calf on Christmas Day a few years ago. Wife not amused to have her Christmas dinner from a casualty dept. vending machine while I piss claret on to the floor.

I had a 160km/h+ tankslapper on yet another R1 coming out of the flugplatz at the 'ring. It seemed to go on forever. The suspension also bottomed out, bent the shock mount and ground away the bellypan. I still had dreams about this incident for months afterward.

Been banned for speeding 6 times (4 times on a bike, 2 times in a car) in three different countries (UK, Belgium, Australia).

Might think of a few more later.

You sound like the sort of twat who should have his licence permanently revoked before he kills someone.

 

[RubyToogood]

Mine are a bit more humdrum. Trying to pull away with the lock still on, that sort of thing. *Clunk*

I'm not really that sort of biker. And actually, I don't approve either. What a wank thread, boasting about doing life-endangering stuff?

 

[treefrog]

Only had a couple of moments really.

Had my ZZR250 about a week and the NZ bike forums offered free "mentoring". Guy who took me out was a fucking nutcase and had me out on the slippery, twitchy little backroads of the Waitakeres. Lowsided her into a ditch on a decreasing-radius righthander, ended up with the bike on my chest. At least I can say I'm able to benchpress a motorbike. Walked away, albeit looking like a dinosaur for a few days.

Same bike, about three months later. Same fucking forum They offered a spanner night for people wanting to learn how to change brakepads etc. Took the ZZR along, (different) guy ends up offering his garage and expertise to change pads, oil, look at the shocks etc. Puts the brakes back on with lube instead of Loc-Tite, when I asked him about it he mansplained me into silence. Thankfully the brake doesn't come off on the Coromandel road (I'd have died. Just...yes. Deadburgers) but conveniently falls off on the motorway. Hit the brakes coming onto the ramp and......fuck all. Nothing happens. Light's green so I figure gun it through and stop on the on-ramp. Lights turn just as I hit the intersection, and I smack into a red hatchback turning onto the on-ramp. Cop waiting at the red phones for an ambo, figures I'm going to need it and seems very bemused when I stand up and start yelling about brake pads and some cunt up in Henderson using lube Walked out of that one too, though the cop gave me a ticket for going through a red light.

I'm not a member of that forum any more.

 

[Corax]

Mine was very uncool and unsexy...

Riding home from work I noticed someone edging out of a side road on my right. Keeping my eye on the potential hazard there, I didn't notice that the traffic in front of me had stopped. When I looked back to the road in front and saw the stationary cars ahead I slammed both brakes on in what I think was a pretty impressive manner tbh - sending the back of the bike into a bit of a skid but controlling it neatly and getting everything facing the right way again. I came to a rapid stop with the front of the bike within an inch of the car ahead. And then...

It was my first ever near-miss, and having gotten away with it I just froze as the bike stopped, and didn't even put my foot down. Accordingly, the bike slowly toppled over to the left , with me still sitting there with my feet on the pegs and my hands on the bars. It was like something out of Mr Bean.

 

[DownwardDog]

Only had a couple of moments really.

Had my ZZR250 about a week and the NZ bike forums offered free "mentoring". Guy who took me out was a fucking nutcase and had me out on the slippery, twitchy little backroads of the Waitakeres. Lowsided her into a ditch on a decreasing-radius righthander, ended up with the bike on my chest. At least I can say I'm able to benchpress a motorbike. Walked away, albeit looking like a dinosaur for a few days.

Same bike, about three months later. Same fucking forum They offered a spanner night for people wanting to learn how to change brakepads etc. Took the ZZR along, (different) guy ends up offering his garage and expertise to change pads, oil, look at the shocks etc. Puts the brakes back on with lube instead of Loc-Tite, when I asked him about it he mansplained me into silence. Thankfully the brake doesn't come off on the Coromandel road (I'd have died. Just...yes. Deadburgers) but conveniently falls off on the motorway. Hit the brakes coming onto the ramp and......fuck all. Nothing happens. Light's green so I figure gun it through and stop on the on-ramp. Lights turn just as I hit the intersection, and I smack into a red hatchback turning onto the on-ramp. Cop waiting at the red phones for an ambo, figures I'm going to need it and seems very bemused when I stand up and start yelling about brake pads and some cunt up in Henderson using lube Walked out of that one too, though the cop gave me a ticket for going through a red light.

I'm not a member of that forum any more.

What did the random Internet moron do? Grease the caliper bolts? You wouldn't (normally) threadlock them anyway. Maybe on a Harley where every single fastener has to be TL'ed to keep it in approximately one bit.

 

[Garek]

Nothing major yet. When I first started riding I had a stamina issue and at the end of a long days ride I could barely get round a roundabout. Talking of roundabouts I did a few months ago, whilst very tired and in the rain and dark almost driver OVER Elephant and Castle roundabout rather than around.

Come off several times in the ice. That taught me to leave the bike at home in snow, especially since there are a couple of roads my way which they don't grit (on one of these I slid 300 metres down the road on week old compacted ice with a Fazer 600 on top of me).

I did 120mph on the M1 once. Never. Ever. Ever. Again. If I fucked up I doubt I would ever have even known about it.

I ride pretty sensible these days but then I am not exactly a macho biker. If you come up behind me dressed like a power ranger on a sportsbike I will move to the side because I really can't be fucked.

 

[Citizen66]

Manly thread is manly.

I had an arm wrestle once!

 

[Corax]

Manly thread is manly.

Post #10 ain't.

And isn't treefrog a person with ladyparts?

 

[Corax]

You sound like the sort of twat who should have his licence permanently revoked before he kills someone.

Whilst I'm sure DownwardDog's a lovely fella in other respects, I can't help but agree with this. Youthful exuberance and foolish mistakes are one thing, but this sounds more like persistent recklessness likely to put other people in danger.

 

[Part 2]

I always fancied getting a bike. We always had em on the fields when were younger.

My first experience of riding on the roads was when my mate came round on his 16th with his brand new vespa. I rode it for about a mile and crashed it going round a corner, no-one else involved.

Second experience, my mate said I could use his 125 to collect some stuff from my mums. I got about 20 yards before ditching it on a corner again and ripping my jeans right down the leg. Went back into the house and pretended I'd changed my mind. Got away with it until my mate noticed the blood pouring out of my leg.

When I was 30 I bought a Cagiva 125. It got nicked within two days.

So I've not had real fuck ups but I'm fairly certain bikes are something I should keep away from. Mind you come to think if I'd taken the same attitude to cars I would've given up driving long ago.

 

[Spymaster]

Sounds like you should maybe think about a different mode of transport????

You should hear his Scotland story.

 

[Spymaster]

.... though the cop gave me a ticket for going through a red light.

That's pretty tight. What a cunt!

 

[UnderOpenSky]

A necky overtake it Indonesia which went wrong and left me picking gravel out my leg for about a week. I was forced of the road by a 4x4 who decided they wanted to overtake at the same time, but probably should have seen it coming, even if he obviously didn't see me.

 

[pogofish]

Buying a Honda CX500 once.

The book remains firmly closed on the rest to save my considerable blushes!

 

[Fruitloop]

Only had a couple of moments really.

Had my ZZR250 about a week and the NZ bike forums offered free "mentoring". Guy who took me out was a fucking nutcase and had me out on the slippery, twitchy little backroads of the Waitakeres. Lowsided her into a ditch on a decreasing-radius righthander, ended up with the bike on my chest. At least I can say I'm able to benchpress a motorbike. Walked away, albeit looking like a dinosaur for a few days.

Same bike, about three months later. Same fucking forum They offered a spanner night for people wanting to learn how to change brakepads etc. Took the ZZR along, (different) guy ends up offering his garage and expertise to change pads, oil, look at the shocks etc. Puts the brakes back on with lube instead of Loc-Tite, when I asked him about it he mansplained me into silence. Thankfully the brake doesn't come off on the Coromandel road (I'd have died. Just...yes. Deadburgers) but conveniently falls off on the motorway. Hit the brakes coming onto the ramp and......fuck all. Nothing happens. Light's green so I figure gun it through and stop on the on-ramp. Lights turn just as I hit the intersection, and I smack into a red hatchback turning onto the on-ramp. Cop waiting at the red phones for an ambo, figures I'm going to need it and seems very bemused when I stand up and start yelling about brake pads and some cunt up in Henderson using lube Walked out of that one too, though the cop gave me a ticket for going through a red light.

I'm not a member of that forum any more.

That's so NZ it makes me feel homesick!

 

[silverfish]

Over took 15 cars on double white lines on A361 on 900 ninja. Unfortunately coppers were sat in the middle and I didn't see them, pulled up 15 minutes later when they caught up with me.

Clocked at 109 (which was probably slowing down) court appearance banned for 28 days

Borrowed a CBR 400 off a bike shop in Norwich to go for a hoon with my mate. Shop owner warned me it had just come out the crate and had square oily tyres. Lost the front and binned bike, trashed it and had a long way to push it back and a lot of grovelling to do

fell off in tesco carpark in Barnstaple due to gravel, felt embarrased

Went self employed and decided that after binning every bike I ever owned I should get four wheels. Bought a cheap spiffy alfa spider 3.2. Lovely fast car and reliable but couldn't face the image of being seen in convertable sports car so flogged it and bought a MK2 granada ghia estate 2.8l B.e.s.t c.a.r. e.v.e.r

 

[souljacker]

I wouldn't describe myself as a biker, but when I was in Goa I spent most of my time stoned or tripping buzzing around on little mopeds, so notched up a few smashes on the way.

My favourite story was from an evening where me and the other blokes I was travelling with had ridden our little TVS50's up to a bar called the Primrose, where we had drunk, smoked and popped dexadrines. It was getting late and I was hungry, so I decided to buy a cheese sandwich and then we all set off back to the house we were renting. As soon as I started up the bike, I realised that my lights weren't working so I asked my mate to drive ahead of me so I could see where I was going. The little shit ignored me and raced off leaving me to negotiate some Goan backroads with no lights, a new moon and a large baguette in my left hand.

Everything was going fine for the first few minutes, until I lost it completely and put it in a ditch. The next thing I knew, some Indian guy was looking at me asking if I was alright. I shouted "Hold this!", gave him the sandwich (that was miraculously still intact), dragged the bike out of the ditch, jumped on and started it up. I took the sandwich out of his hands, said thankyou, and sped off.

Got back to the house and realised I'd taken a massive chunk of skin and flesh off my left arm but apart from that I was fine. Sandwich was delicious but I've still got a large round scar to remind me.

Goa pretty much taught me that I should never be let near a motorbike, under any circumstances.

 

[Corax]

I wouldn't describe myself as a biker, but when I was in Goa I spent most of my time stoned or tripping buzzing around on little mopeds, so notched up a few smashes on the way.

My favourite story was from an evening where me and the other blokes I was travelling with had ridden our little TVS50's up to a bar called the Primrose, where we had drunk, smoked and popped dexadrines. It was getting late and I was hungry, so I decided to buy a cheese sandwich and then we all set off back to the house we were renting. As soon as I started up the bike, I realised that my lights weren't working so I asked my mate to drive ahead of me so I could see where I was going. The little shit ignored me and raced off leaving me to negotiate some Goan backroads with no lights, a new moon and a large baguette in my left hand.

Everything was going fine for the first few minutes, until I lost it completely and put it in a ditch. The next thing I knew, some Indian guy was looking at me asking if I was alright. I shouted "Hold this!", gave him the sandwich (that was miraculously still intact), dragged the bike out of the ditch, jumped on and started it up. I took the sandwich out of his hands, said thankyou, and sped off.

Got back to the house and realised I'd taken a massive chunk of skin and flesh off my left arm but apart from that I was fine. Sandwich was delicious but I've still got a large round scar to remind me.

Goa pretty much taught me that I should never be let near a motorbike, under any circumstances.

Travel to foreign climes for new experiences. Eat cheese sandwiches.

 

[souljacker]

Travel to foreign climes for new experiences. Eat cheese sandwiches.

It was paneer actually! So up yours!

 

[Corax]

It was paneer actually! So up yours!

It was a cheese baguette souljacker, you bloody philistine. Don't try and wriggle out of it now.

 

[UnderOpenSky]

TBF there are some nice bakeries in goa.

Lots of broken tourists from falling of motorbikes after to much drink and drugs.

 

[souljacker]

It was a cheese baguette souljacker, you bloody philistine. Don't try and wriggle out of it now.

Fair enough. Although I was expecting the Urban mob to gang up on me for riding a motorbike whilst speeding, stoned and drunk, not my choice of sandwich.

 

[peterkro]

Several,brand new BSA Lightening (that tells you how long ago it was) rode it from Ch.Ch.to Invercargill overnight next night about 40 bikes heading home (Antarctic Angels), me I have a brand new bike can out pace these fuckers.Woke up the next morning to find myself locked in a shower/toilet not being able to get out I hit the big red button and I nurse opened the sliding door and told me the details, no permanent damage.
The closest I came to death was travelling along the road from Herat to Kandahar at night about 80/90 rounding a corner there's a raisable steel barrier at chest height no lights,no warning signs no nothing.I have no idea how I managed to brake then throw the bike down and go under it but I did.
As for taking a hand off the bike to switch on headlights when on a shingle road I won't even go there.
Oh the mad sunday mishap on the Isle of Man was a bit tricky.

 

[Spymaster]

... brand new BSA Lightening ....

How old are you?