There is no such thing as a five minute job

[High Voltage]

"So, you've got a spare day now,* why don't you change the elements over on the Dualit toaster" says light of my life this morning

The toaster is toasting unevenly and is the cause of some angst in chez Voltz and I've already ordered and received the replacement elements, so this is not an unreasonable request

*(dentist receptionist having just called postponing my annual check up and 6-monthly hygienist visit)

"Why not" says I

"How difficult can it be? - a 5 minute job if there ever was one"

I know it's pretty straight forward as I've already switched the timer switch over and I vaguely remember watching a YouTube video explaining the in's and out's of taking a Dualit toaster apart

But just to be on the safe side, I'll re watch something on YouTube

Starts off with our jovial host informing me to remove the base - Check

I've already replaced the "made of cheese" self-tapping screws with far superior stainless steel ones - that was the last "five minute job" which ended up taking far, far longer. They now come off easily

Remove the locking nuts using a "six and a half millimetre spanner - which you can get from any good DIY store"

Except you can't.

Not a 6.5mm spanner you fucking can't. A 6mm one and a 7mm one - easy - I've got a set. But a 6.5mm spanner? No fucking chance.

It's made in Britain after all, which'll mean they're imperial

They are, 1/4"

Do I have a 1/4" spanner?

Of course I fucking don't. Which means going out into my shed. Into my over full shed, locked with 3 pad locks, no lighting and I've just found, it appears to be the wintering venue of choice for all of Somerset's mosquitos and other bitey, buzzy things.

First quick look turns up nothing. Repack shed. Relock up

Back into the house to start an on line trawl to see if a 6.5mm spanner is freely available as our "jovial host" clearly states in his video <spoiler>NO!!!!11!1!1

Back out to recently LOCKED shed. To reunlock and remove contents to get a better look in my tool cabinet. If it's any use I think I've found where everyone's missing 10mm spanners have been going. I've got them. But a 1/4" spanner could I find? Again, no

So now I've got a partly taken apart toaster

A rising feeling of hatred and loathing towards our jovial YouTube host, who if he was here, I'd stab in him the face, repeatedly, with something sharp and pointy. Probably a 10mm open ended spanner. Why not, I've got plenty

And I've got to re-re pack my shed. Re-re-lock it up again, and start sulking

Which still doesn't get me a 1/4" (which is 6.35mm, not 6.5mm, you c*nt) spanner

And breathe.............................................

 

[surreybrowncap]

 

[TopCat]

Get an adjustable spanner

 

[cupid_stunt]

Get an adjustable spanner

Have you got one of those, at the back of your shed, High Voltage?

 

[TopCat]

Or cut a half mil shim and close the gap

 

[High Voltage]

Get an adjustable spanner

Not enough space

Have you got one of those, at the back of your shed, High Voltage?

You can fuck off. And yes I have, numerous ones of various sizes and colours, and I refer you to the above post

Or cut a half mil shim and close the gap

I refer you to be above comment

Anyway, a 1/4" ratcheting spanner is on it's way to me even as we speak . . . just no toast for breakfast tomorrow

 

[cupid_stunt]

Actually, this has reminded me of a 'five minute' job I had once, it was to fix my mother's washing machine door opening mechanism, I had taken it apart so I could order the right replacement bits online, by the time those arrived I couldn't remember which little bits fitted where and in what order, so off to youtube for help.

Found a video, first instruction was to take photos of the old mechanism as you take it apart, so you know what order the bits need going back in. D'oh!

Over 2 hours later I finally sorted it, after much swearing, and much to the amusement of her afternoon carer.

 

[cupid_stunt]

You can fuck off.

Charming, you try to help...

 

[platinumsage]

Sell the Dualit toaster on eBay and buy a proper one that prefers to be recycled than repaired.

 

[High Voltage]

Sell the Dualit toaster on eBay and buy a proper one that prefers to be recycled than repaired.

If I replace much more of it, it's going to be like "Triggers Broom"

 

[cupid_stunt]

Sell the Dualit toaster on eBay and buy a proper one that prefers to be recycled than repaired.

Get dessiato to pick one out for you.

 

[WouldBe]

Or cut a half mil shim and close the gap

File a bit off a 6mm spanner.

 

[High Voltage]

Voltz's Toaster could well become a viral trending meme

 

[WouldBe]

Get dessiato to pick one out for you.

And die from old age whilst waiting for a decision.

 

[rubbershoes]

just no toast for breakfast tomorrow

I'm happy to make some and pop it in the post.

Would you prefer marmalade or jam?

 

[existentialist]

"So, you've got a spare day now,* why don't you change the elements over on the Dualit toaster" says light of my life this morning

The toaster is toasting unevenly and is the cause of some angst in chez Voltz and I've already ordered and received the replacement elements, so this is not an unreasonable request

*(dentist receptionist having just called postponing my annual check up and 6-monthly hygienist visit)

"Why not" says I

"How difficult can it be? - a 5 minute job if there ever was one"

I know it's pretty straight forward as I've already switched the timer switch over and I vaguely remember watching a YouTube video explaining the in's and out's of taking a Dualit toaster apart

But just to be on the safe side, I'll re watch something on YouTube

Starts off with our jovial host informing me to remove the base - Check

I've already replaced the "made of cheese" self-tapping screws with far superior stainless steel ones - that was the last "five minute job" which ended up taking far, far longer. They now come off easily

Remove the locking nuts using a "six and a half millimetre spanner - which you can get from any good DIY store"

Except you can't.

Not a 6.5mm spanner you fucking can't. A 6mm one and a 7mm one - easy - I've got a set. But a 6.5mm spanner? No fucking chance.

It's made in Britain after all, which'll mean they're imperial

They are, 1/4"

Do I have a 1/4" spanner?

Of course I fucking don't. Which means going out into my shed. Into my over full shed, locked with 3 pad locks, no lighting and I've just found, it appears to be the wintering venue of choice for all of Somerset's mosquitos and other bitey, buzzy things.

First quick look turns up nothing. Repack shed. Relock up

Back into the house to start an on line trawl to see if a 6.5mm spanner is freely available as our "jovial host" clearly states in his video <spoiler>NO!!!!11!1!1

Back out to recently LOCKED shed. To reunlock and remove contents to get a better look in my tool cabinet. If it's any use I think I've found where everyone's missing 10mm spanners have been going. I've got them. But a 1/4" spanner could I find? Again, no

So now I've got a partly taken apart toaster

A rising feeling of hatred and loathing towards our jovial YouTube host, who if he was here, I'd stab in him the face, repeatedly, with something sharp and pointy. Probably a 10mm open ended spanner. Why not, I've got plenty

And I've got to re-re pack my shed. Re-re-lock it up again, and start sulking

Which still doesn't get me a 1/4" (which is 6.35mm, not 6.5mm, you c*nt) spanner

And breathe.............................................

And then you go to find your adjustable spanner, and the bloody thing you've got is a metric one

 

[two sheds]

Both phones went off this morning with an error message I'd not come across before. Searched for the error message and either the phone line's fucked and I have to get a BT engineer, or I need to replace the adapter that I don't have because there are already two sockets on the wall unit, but that I should start off with disconnecting the router for AT LEAST five minutes. I do this and then realize it's not going to make any difference because the phone doesn't attach to the router because ... there are two sockets on the wall unit.

I go to get my analog phone which I always keep in same the drawer for just this eventuality. It's not there so I look all over for where I think it can be and it isn't. I look for where I keep the adapters and find the phone which I've moved there. That phone doesn't work either - the line's just dead.

I look at the router website and they tell me I can plug in the phone to the router. Only the phone has a phone type plug and the router has an Ethernet type plug. Go off and find a phone-plug-to-router adapter. Plug it in and the phones work again .

Months ago I got an email from Zen saying that I was at some point going to be switched over to VoIP. Yesterday yesterday morning I got a phone call at 7 am which put down as soon as I picked up, was apparently the Zen Internet. So they decided to move me to VoIP without telling me

 

[teuchter]

Almost all minor DIY jobs are 5 minutes plus the time taken to do something like remove an old screw from the wall where the head has rusted such that a screwdriver can gain no purchase. This portion of the work always escalates into a domino-effect scenario of increasingly major tasks often culminating in rage and wanton destruction. The folkloric tale "there was an old lady who swallowed a fly" tries to warn us of this.

 

[platinumsage]

Almost all minor DIY jobs are 5 minutes plus the time taken to do something like remove an old screw from the wall where the head has rusted such that a screwdriver can gain no purchase. This portion of the work always escalates into a domino-effect scenario of increasingly major tasks often culminating in rage and wanton destruction. The folkloric tale "there was an old lady who swallowed a fly" tries to warn us of this.

Meanwhile Flanders & Swann's "The Gas Man Cometh" similarly warns us of a domino-effect of tasks if we try and pay someone to do the work for us.

I guess the only solution is to put up with stuff until moving house.

 

[PTK]

Both phones went off this morning with an error message I'd not come across before. Searched for the error message and either the phone line's fucked and I have to get a BT engineer, or I need to replace the adapter that I don't have because there are already two sockets on the wall unit, but that I should start off with disconnecting the router for AT LEAST five minutes. I do this and then realize it's not going to make any difference because the phone doesn't attach to the router because ... there are two sockets on the wall unit.

I go to get my analog phone which I always keep in same the drawer for just this eventuality. It's not there so I look all over for where I think it can be and it isn't. I look for where I keep the adapters and find the phone which I've moved there. That phone doesn't work either - the line's just dead.

I look at the router website and they tell me I can plug in the phone to the router. Only the phone has a phone type plug and the router has an Ethernet type plug. Go off and find a phone-plug-to-router adapter. Plug it in and the phones work again .

Months ago I got an email from Zen saying that I was at some point going to be switched over to VoIP. Yesterday yesterday morning I got a phone call at 7 am which put down as soon as I picked up, was apparently the Zen Internet. So they decided to move me to VoIP without telling me

The switchover from the current landline system to VoIP is a backwards step, that will lead to people not being able to use the phone in emergencies. It ought to be stopped now.

 

[two sheds]

I think they'll be issuing vulnerable people with battery backup but I agree.

 

[WouldBe]

The switchover from the current landline system to VoIP is a backwards step, that will lead to people not being able to use the phone in emergencies. It ought to be stopped now.

Run the router off a ups power supply.

 

[PTK]

Run the router off a ups power supply.

What is a ups power supply?

 

[WouldBe]

What is a ups power supply?

It's an Uninteruptable Power Supply. It has a battery backup so if the mains power goes off it uses the battery to power whatever is connected to it.

 

[PTK]

It's an Uninteruptable Power Supply. It has a battery backup so if the mains power goes off it uses the battery to power whatever is connected to it.

How long does the battery last? A severe storm might knock out the electricity supply for a long time.
Furthermore, what if the router goes down? My router goes down sometimes, as do those of most people I know.
It is absurd that a robust existing system should be abolished and replaced with a more fragile system.

 

[two sheds]

My UPS lasts about 5 minutes for the computer I think - long enough to shut everything down, but it would last several hours for just the phone & modem.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Remove the locking nuts using a "six and a half millimetre spanner - which you can get from any good DIY store"

Except you can't.

Are you sure you've searched thoroughly? I found a retailer selling one designed to deal with dualit toasters - no idea whether it's what you want but they seem to be available.

DUALIT SPANNER TOOL FOR REPLACING TOASTER HEATING ELEMENTS 6.5MM NUTS PARTS | CaterSpares

www.caterspareuk.co.uk

 

[WouldBe]

How long does the battery last? A severe storm might knock out the electricity supply for a long time.

You can get different sizes. Get one that will last long enough.

Furthermore, what if the router goes down? My router goes down sometimes, as do those of most people I know.
It is absurd that a robust existing system should be abolished and replaced with a more fragile system.

If the router uses copper cables then a wired phone would also go down.

No system is going to be totally fool proof.

 

[two sheds]

Don't phones have four wires and internet signals only two wires, so sometimes the phone goes down but the internet doesn't. Not sure whether internet goes down but phone doesn't though.

 

[High Voltage]

I found a retailer selling one designed to deal with dualit toasters - no idea whether it's what you want but they seem to be available.

DUALIT SPANNER TOOL FOR REPLACING TOASTER HEATING ELEMENTS 6.5MM NUTS PARTS | CaterSpares

www.caterspareuk.co.uk

Prompted by your post, I have just done the same

Thanks, but I'll stick with the spanner I've ordered (my original reply was far more churlish, so I deleted it, preferring better manners to a genuinely helpful response)