The office 'scolding email' thread

[equationgirl]

I think there's details missing - it's important we all know how the chair was broken. Did someone lose it in a particularly vexing meeting and smash it on the table?

 

[a_chap]

I suspect that the recent popularity of "standing meetings" is to reduce the frequency of chairs being smashed.

 

[Orang Utan]

I prefer my communiqués to be more direct than a mere scolding email:

 

[Pickman's model]

john nott delivering orang utan's communique

 

[Pickman's model]

Badgers existentialist neonwilderness

 

[Libertad]

 

[equationgirl]

*quietly puts the osmium tetroxide somewhere else*

 

[redsquirrel]

Badgers existentialist neonwilderness

Jesus HF! Fucking hell, the person responsible for that deserves a bit more than a scolding.

 

[existentialist]

Blimey.

 

[Pickman's model]

 

[nuffsaid]

View attachment 127341

Sounds like Remainer code for anti Brexit activity.

 

[Celyn]

I once worked in a library that had French windows leading out to the gardens, little pond and all that sort of thing, BUT in the event of a fire, I and anyone in the library apparently were supposed to go out of the door and go something like 200 metres along a corridor and exit by the "proper" door, probably as part of a crowd of people all trying to exit. The useful French windows about 6 metres from my desk were not an official exit, you see. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

 

[Pickman's model]

the kitchen sink is out of bounds for reasons best left to the imagination

 

[existentialist]

View attachment 128146

the kitchen sink is out of bounds for reasons best left to the imagination

I really detest the phrase "out of bounds". It always feels to me like a challenge that requires to be met

 

[Pickman's model]

I really detest the phrase "out of bounds". It always feels to me like a challenge that requires to be met

you wouldn't want to meet this challenge. there are good practical and indeed olfactory reasons not to go near it until it's been cleaned up.

 

[equationgirl]

View attachment 128146

the kitchen sink is out of bounds for reasons best left to the imagination

Some fucker keeps leaving their used teabag in the kitchen sink. First up against the wall come the revolution.

 

[billy_bob]

View attachment 127341

So-called exiters are so much worse than actual ones. Non-committal wankers.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

the kitchen sink is out of bounds for reasons best left to the imagination

is this in any way related to the poor storage of potentially toxic chemicals in your earlier post?

 

[Pickman's model]

is this in any way related to the poor storage of potentially toxic chemicals in your earlier post?

 

[equationgirl]

is this in any way related to the poor storage of potentially toxic chemicals in your earlier post?

Damn, I knew I'd put the osmium tetroxide down somewhere...

 

[Badgers]

Not sure if genuine but amusing.

 

[Badgers]

 

[existentialist]

View attachment 129266

That was inevitable

(and exactly what I would have done)

 

[Pickman's model]

 

[billy_bob]

View attachment 129490

'p.s. I have included comma splices in almost every sentence to cause you maximum irritation, it helps you to remember this message.'

'Working as a team' to foster a culture of informing on your colleagues, eh?

 

[StoneRoad]

Hmmm, it may be a fire exit, but it would also need to be protected during fire drills etc.

I was fire warden on the top occupied floor of an office block. Which meant I was almost always "last out" - during one fire drill, myself and two other fire wardens intercepted some local yokels taking advantage that these open doors were not supervised. We reclaimed several wallets, purses and handbags. The local coppers were "amused" to be handed the miscreants. What was worse was that missing items had happened previously during fire drills ...
The local fire evacuation instructions and assembly points were suitably revised !

 

[billy_bob]

Hmmm, it may be a fire exit, but it would also need to be protected during fire drills etc.

I was fire warden on the top occupied floor of an office block. Which meant I was almost always "last out" - during one fire drill, myself and two other fire wardens intercepted some local yokels taking advantage that these open doors were not supervised. We reclaimed several wallets, purses and handbags. The local coppers were "amused" to be handed the miscreants. What was worse was that missing items had happened previously during fire drills ...
The local fire evacuation instructions and assembly points were suitably revised !

Not a bad scam, that. I'm off to see what I can find out about fire drill schedules in nearby office blocks...

 

[Wilf]

View attachment 127341

Sounds like your boss is Patrick Bateman.

 

[Pickman's model]

Sounds like your boss is Patrick Bateman.

there is a curious resemblance

 

[Pickman's model]