The office 'scolding email' thread

[Libertad]

View attachment 115317

Fuck 'em, take your own toaster.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Fuck 'em, take your own toaster.

or get a toasting fork and build a modest bonfire

 

[Me76]

I worked in a uni and we weren't allowed a toaster because of the amount of times it had set the alarm off.

Before that I used to have toast all the time at work. Since then I never have, even when the 'facility' has been available.

 

[BoatieBird]

Received this morning.
In red type for added emphasis

Please be aware that chemicals should not be taken offsite without good reason.

If you do have chemicals at home please return them immediately and inform your Laboratory Manager who will arrange correct storage or disposal.

 

[Pickman's model]

Fuck 'em, take your own toaster.

or get a toasting fork and build a modest bonfire

I worked in a uni and we weren't allowed a toaster because of the amount of times it had set the alarm off.

Before that I used to have toast all the time at work. Since then I never have, even when the 'facility' has been available.

 

[existentialist]

Not so passive-aggressive frowny smiley actionView attachment 115183

I was with them, all the way up to "just saying". At that point, I'd be spooning yogurt culture into their milk cartons.

ETA: also, if you want to proactively stop people drinking your milk, produce a reasonably professional looking label that says something like "LIZARD MILK". Nobody will touch it. In fact, thinking about it, "HUMAN BREAST MILK" would probably work quite well.

 

[equationgirl]

View attachment 115793

The toaster's what have been removed?

Surely the sign writer meant 'the toasters (plural)'...

 

[cybershot]

 

[dervish]

This was posted on one of the urinals in my work on Friday



I love that even the most simple instructions are ignored.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Afternoon All,


Is anyone waiting a parcel from ebay? It’s The Ultimate U2 Collection.

Please contact me.


Many thanks,

 

[cupid_stunt]

Afternoon All,

Is anyone waiting a parcel from ebay? It’s The Ultimate U2 Collection.

Please contact me.

Many thanks,

Waiting for a parcel?

That'll be the Bungle department.

 

[strung out]

Afternoon All,


Is anyone waiting a parcel from ebay? It’s The Ultimate U2 Collection.

Please contact me.


Many thanks,

I like the implied scold in the 'please contact me'

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

I like the implied scold in the 'please contact me'

The woman who sent it is leaving on Wednesday, an email has gone around asking for money for a pressie and they thoughtfully included bank details for who work from home to chip in. Yeah, right...

 

[Pickman's model]

 

[equationgirl]

View attachment 117489

For starters, it's 'past students', technically they may be 'past students who passed' but they are probably not 'passed students' unless, sadly, they are dead.

Also, if a load of crap on some shelves from ten years ago bothers the writer that much, go and fucking deal with it, don't send a whiny email.

 

[Pickman's model]

For starters, it's 'past students', technically they may be 'past students who passed' but they are probably not 'passed students' unless, sadly, they are dead.

Also, if a load of crap on some shelves from ten years ago bothers the writer that much, go and fucking deal with it, don't send a whiny email.

I don't think we're likely to see a classic like the loss of the poison cupboard key agaim this year, I only get dross like that now

 

[Puddy_Tat]

For starters, it's 'past students', technically they may be 'past students who passed' but they are probably not 'passed students' unless, sadly, they are dead.

 

[equationgirl]

I don't think we're likely to see a classic like the loss of the poison cupboard key agaim this year, I only get dross like that now

Ah, a true classic of the genre.

I expect you to pass on my comments about their crap grammar though, sent to all, naturally.

 

[Pickman's model]

Ah, a true classic of the genre.

I expect you to pass on my comments about their crap grammar though, sent to all, naturally.

Yeh yer man doesn't know I exist so it would announce my presence with a bang

 

[equationgirl]

Yeh yer man doesn't know I exist so it would announce my presence with a bang

He brought it on himself. I have zero sympathies

 

[Whagwan]

Received this morning.
In red type for added emphasis

Used to work in a lab where I knew for a fact my manager was ordering in pH buffer etc for his grow room. So I responded by ordering in ether and top level digi-scales.

 

[BoatieBird]

Common Room care:

Please do not leave dirty crockery, cutlery or packaging in the common room sink or on the tables.

If anyone is unsure of what to do with their dirty crockery, cutlery or packaging, please contact me and I will show you.

 

[Schmetterling]

Shove them up their arse?

 

[BoatieBird]

Shove them up their arse?

Knowing the person who wrote the email I strongly suspect that's what he had in mind

 

[May Kasahara]

I never have any contributions to this thread Our receptionist did try and put up a classic 'wash your cups up rather than leave them in the sink' notice recently, but the CEO made her take it down because...it didn't say please. Given that the CEO is frequently the rudest person at work by some considerable margin, there was a lot of bitter laughing up sleeves. But no photos.

 

[Badgers]

 

[equationgirl]

View attachment 117758

A refreshingly clear sign, both in font and message.

A smiley face would have been nice though.

 

[existentialist]

A refreshingly clear sign, both in font and message.

A smiley face would have been nice though.

You don't think that might have made it come over as a bit passive aggressive?

 

[equationgirl]

You don't think that might have made it come over as a bit passive aggressive?

OH no, I think it's expected in this genre

 

[QueenOfGoths]

This made me chuckle thinking about how it would be a good Secret Santa gift for some of the note writers on this thread Plus who the fuck thought that calling this "Secret Santa" (not to mention the whole idea of making your shit not smell) was a good idea!