Ms T
Honey-coloured ramparts
I am not a police officer but I am a union lay official. One of my members was accused of assaulting a colleague outside work and was suspended immediately pending a trial and then a formal process.
RIP Sarah Everard, who went missing from Brixton in March 2021
- Thread starter trashpony
- Start date
Argonia
Happy go licky
I Googled "how many people go missing in the UK every year?" and it was a bit unclear but accordingly to one article there are 180,000 people who go missing every year in the UK. Can that possibly be right? It seems an impossibly high number. I calculated that and it' comes out at 493 per day which is bananas.
www.vice.com
Inside Britain's Escalating Missing Persons Problem
With austerity widening society's cracks, the number of people reported missing in London alone has increased 77 percent since 2010.
www.vice.com
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Shippou-Sensei
4:1:2.5
Damn. While I normally think I have some understanding of what other people experience that story has has again showed me how different these kinds of experiences can be.
For me when I have fallen over in the street I almost always get a positive experience as people check on me to see if i'm ok or need assistance. It usually makes me feel positive towards people.
It's sickening to think that this is the reality that so many face.
I did once have a group of youths attempt a mugging because they thought i was stumbling drunk but I wan't and got out of the situation by telling them to fuck off and walking straight through them. got a punch to the back of my head for it but they ran off when I shrugged off the hit. Again something I can do but not an option for many.
Athos
Well-Known Member
Yeah, I think the police' position is a bad one.
bimble
floofy
I like this thread, think it’s an important countering voice, but seems to me there’s a false oversimplified dichotomy being drawn, as if women are either living in a state of constant terror when outside their homes or else defiant & fearless, it’s not like that is it it’s about a constant risk assessment.
The habit of risk assessment doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes - or often - calculate that yeah that might be risky but I’m doing it anyway.
I’ve done more than my fair share of ‘risky’, often reckless and probably stupid stuff, travelling about alone slinking around strange cities and dodgy long overnight journeys etc, walking about high, all that stuff, and I used to think I had special street smarts skillz and that’s why nothing terrible’s ever happened to me, but I don’t think that any more, it’s just luck, I’ve been lucky, lucky me I got away with it again.
That is the thing I’m hearing in women’s testimonies these last days, they’re not saying ‘I’m so scared I don’t ever walk alone’ they’re just talking about the risk assessment calculations that are part of our lives, and how we should not have to feel lucky or be brave, the whole calculated risk thing for women in public space is the issue, that’s what people are talking about. I don’t think any woman lives entirely without that. We’re not crippled by it and cowering away, either though.
Lurdan
old wave
That's the number who are reported missing the vast majority of whom are either found or go home within 48 hours. Slightly less dramatic statistics on this charity's website.I Googled "how many people go missing in the UK every year?" and it was a bit unclear but accordingly to one article there are 180,000 people who go missing every year in the UK. Can that possibly be right? It seems an impossibly high number. I calculated that and it' comes out at 493 per day which is bananas.
Inside Britain's Escalating Missing Persons Problem
With austerity widening society's cracks, the number of people reported missing in London alone has increased 77 percent since 2010.
Manter
Lunch Mob
Completely agree with bimble. There are layers and layers of stuff going on....
and most of this is ingrained- it’s a muscle. We don’t need to ploddingly work through it, our brains do it in a nanosecond. It’s only when it goes surprisingly or seriously wrong that you get a flood of adrenaline and discover that there is a whole soupy brew in the back of your mind
- risk assessments/fear that are/is so ingrained you do them without thought and couldn’t even elicidate them if asked. Eg checking how long a cab journey should take, flicking to google maps occasionally just to check it’s still a plausible route
- risk assessments you do and fear you feel in some places/situations but not others- eg near home you feel in some way you know the terrain, know the dodgy bits and can relax elsewhere (part of why Sarah Everard’s situation has hit so many women so hard round here)
- things you know are risky but you take a chance anyway. It’s statistically unlikely I will be raped and murdered and the route by the river is nicer if remote so fuck it
- things you do against your better judgement and only start to feel fear part way through when your brain’s tally sheet points out you may have made a daft call.
- things you know knowing the outcome but deciding you’ll just deal with it.(I am going out with my girlfriends to get drunk and I will inevitably be catcalled, propositioned and very likely assaulted at least once, but the fun I will have overrides that overwhelming certainty)
and most of this is ingrained- it’s a muscle. We don’t need to ploddingly work through it, our brains do it in a nanosecond. It’s only when it goes surprisingly or seriously wrong that you get a flood of adrenaline and discover that there is a whole soupy brew in the back of your mind
Pickman's model
Starry Wisdom
it's a staple of police procedurals, the cop gets suspended and gives up his badge and gun. and there's no reason why that shouldn't have happened here.
Manter
Lunch Mob
Also, to previous point I’m failing somewhat to answer..... it doesn’t usually stop me doing things. It changes how I do them, or when, or the details of the logistics, and I’ve done a couple of things knowing that if I ended up dead I’d be a cautionary tale (what was she doing there alone? At that time of night?) but I still go out and live my life to the full.
The times I haven’t done something through fear was when the fear outweighed the fun, or when someone else would actually end up in danger trying to protect me just because I was being bloody minded or making a point.
The times I haven’t done something through fear was when the fear outweighed the fun, or when someone else would actually end up in danger trying to protect me just because I was being bloody minded or making a point.
SheilaNaGig
Break requested
.
And sometimes we judge the risk to be low, or low enough, and we relax and enjoy it.
But - for me anyway - part of the ritual of leaving places, saying goodbye and so forth, is about putting on the mantle of awareness again*, in preparation for going home in the dark. And I think we are also checking in with each other to make sure we know where each is, how are you getting home, are you sure that bloke is okay....? text me when you get home safe, your bag is still hanging on that chair... etc.
I suppose it’s one of the reasons “women take so long saying goodbye” at the end of a night out.
ETA
*
As Manter says, some of this is unconscious, so I’m thinking more about this as I write...
I think this sort of... ritual, of getting ready to leave is a process of checking in with women friends, those who are staying as well as those who are leaving, especially if theyre going home alone or with a new fella. Without it being a fanfare, I think we habitually signal to each other (even if I ghost out I’ll tell at least one woman that I’m leaving) where we’re at.
And I’ll always pee before I leave so I’m not distracted, get my coat, gloves, scarf etc all settled before I set off, so that I can set off smartly and not draw the attention of any predator lurking around the entrance.
And sometimes we judge the risk to be low, or low enough, and we relax and enjoy it.
But - for me anyway - part of the ritual of leaving places, saying goodbye and so forth, is about putting on the mantle of awareness again*, in preparation for going home in the dark. And I think we are also checking in with each other to make sure we know where each is, how are you getting home, are you sure that bloke is okay....? text me when you get home safe, your bag is still hanging on that chair... etc.
I suppose it’s one of the reasons “women take so long saying goodbye” at the end of a night out.
ETA
*
As Manter says, some of this is unconscious, so I’m thinking more about this as I write...
I think this sort of... ritual, of getting ready to leave is a process of checking in with women friends, those who are staying as well as those who are leaving, especially if theyre going home alone or with a new fella. Without it being a fanfare, I think we habitually signal to each other (even if I ghost out I’ll tell at least one woman that I’m leaving) where we’re at.
And I’ll always pee before I leave so I’m not distracted, get my coat, gloves, scarf etc all settled before I set off, so that I can set off smartly and not draw the attention of any predator lurking around the entrance.
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Argonia
Happy go licky
That's a relief that so many are found. Even if 90% are found however it still means something like 40 people a day go missing and aren't found, which just seems crazy.
HarmonyFlow
New Member
Hi,
The personality testing an individual undertakes to join the police force or any other form of employment for that matter, can be bypassed quite easily for someone who is determined enough.
Cognitive empathy with a lot of charm springs to mind.
For what it’s worth, some of his peers were very much implicit in knowing what he was truly about, yet chose to turn a blind eye, this is just as bad as being complicit in my view.
By cognitive empathy I mean- those who are quite skilled on an intellectual level to act ‘as if’ so they have the ability to act like they can put themselves in another’s shoes.
But actually feel no empathy, whatsoever.
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SheilaNaGig
Break requested
You sound very sure about this. Is it speculation or professional insight and experience? Or independent fact you could link to?
This has been discussed on another thread recently, and experiences vary, but ime a man very rarely wants to be friends if he thinks there’s a prospect of more. If a bloke asks for your number that’s a chat up line, and if you give it to him, you send a signal back your interested. I recently sent a web-based thank you note to West Yorkshire ambulance after they took me in with covid. The paramedic emailed me back(!) attempting to chat me up and giving me his number
Bare in mind when he’d seen me I had a 40 degree fever, unwashed hair, and was muddled!
HarmonyFlow
New Member
I do appreciate why you have asked what you have asked,as I am new here.
Reports of the accused having committed indecent exposure in a fast food establishment and a complaint made, yet he was allowed to continue to work is very worrying and more.
This is what I meant regarding ‘implicit V complicit’.
DietCokeGirl
Fishing in the rivers of life
stethoscope
Well-Known Member
Just read that come through. I don't think the decision may make a difference at this stage, people are feeling strongly enough to get out there. Get a crowdfunder ready to pay fines.
Miss-Shelf
I'll meet you further on up the road
this reminds me of a lot of the friendship dynamics on display in I May Destroy You
one reason it was so powerful was that all of those rules and routines that women friends do with each other was up for discussion and self recriminations when the checking in / checking up on wasn't adhered to
Miss-Shelf
I'll meet you further on up the road
Pickman's model
Starry Wisdom
Best not to do this until after fines imposed. It can encourage courts to impose higher fines I'm told
existentialist
Tired and unemotional
What happens if the organisation puts out a tweet that reasonably disclaims itself from any vigils that do take place?
stethoscope
Well-Known Member
Will it stop people going out I suppose is what I'm getting at regardless of an official protest being cancelled?
bimble
floofy
More great work by the judges today.
Not that prison is any kind of answer but on what the hell basis do they reckon he’s unlikely to attack another woman?
www.mirror.co.uk
Not that prison is any kind of answer but on what the hell basis do they reckon he’s unlikely to attack another woman?
Dad who attacked woman walking home at night avoids jail 'as he would lose job'
Takeaway worker Javed Miah, 23, pulled the woman to the ground and molested her in Oldham, Greater Manchester, before fleeing after she managed to use the SOS function on her mobile phone
www.mirror.co.uk
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
I would like to know people’s thoughts on the idea of a curfew for men. Would it be more appropriate to start another thread or should I carry on here?
Miss-Shelf
I'll meet you further on up the road
start another thread is my thinking
Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
Aye, it would be a diversion and anyway I just realised this is in the Brixton forum
bimble
floofy
Oh yes, the swift and purposeful exit, feels ages ago now but before moving away I’d go have a dance by myself sometimes late at a little place on coldharbour lane, not far from home. I loved it and I miss it but that bit, swiftly swooping up my coat and stuff and whoosh out the door and gone pretending I’m in a hurry, that wasn’t any fun. Just in case you know, someone might follow me or think I’d come for company.
