third week of working from home has come to an end, haven't spoken face to face to anyone (other than members of the household) in a fortnight now. I am jealously guarding my daily walk, people around here are pretty good at social distancing, it's the accepted convention that if you encounter someone then one of you crosses the road.
I've seen the bus every night for the past 4 or 5 days and it has been empty everytime.
Things are bit tense in the Q household at the moment now that medics have started dying, With one daughter and son's g/f being nurses it's not doing a great deal for Mrs Q's peace of mind. I keep telling her that they're both in their 20's and in excellent health but she just accuses me of not helping.
Neighbours were clapping away last night and though she's normally a very mild mannered girl, son's g/f pointed out that the only reason she and my son will be able to buy a house is because he doesn't work in the NHS and earns more money than she does.
The bit where you try to comfort your Missus with logic and facts and she says it ain’t helping: if she’s anything like me, it’s like this : it really annoys me when I’m trying to express and process my fear/sadness etc with someone who I consider to be as close as close as can be and they do the mitigations. I’m perfectly aware of the argument and rationale to the contrary, thanks, but I’m really struggling with this other stuff, this limbic brain stuff, this gut stuff, the stuff that floods up into my heart and grips it like a fist. What I really need, please, is someone who is in here with me, in the pit, someone who can understand how I feel and say so. I really want an ally, a companion. I want to hear stuff like “I get it, I’m worried too, we can do this, I got your back, you’re not alone. It’s shit, innit, you go ahead and cry if it helps, I’ll hold you while you do and offer you a cuppa afterwards.” I don’t want you to tell me about your fears, well not just at this moment but I’ll hear and hear hold them for you, if you want want me to do that, when it’s your turn.
Feeling my emotions is part of processing them. Mitigating them feels like pushing them away. If I have to deal with them on my own then I feel like you’re not shoulder to shoulder with me. I can do that, but if we’re a couple, then we shouldn’t have to do shit like this alone.
If you keep giving me rational reasons to counter my feelings, thst feels like you’re minimising my feelings and telling me they’re misplaced or wrongheaded. I get why you’re doing it, you’re trying to help, to deflect my anxiety or give me an alternative way of thinking. Maybe that’s what you need when you’re dealing with this kind of stuff, but I need something different.
Sorry, I seem to have gone off on one there...
And so many people are behaving and reacting as if I'm being weird and they're reluctantly indulging my whacky request.
Further to which...
So at 5 minutes to closing time I was micromanaging the queue, and the door, shutting off the queue and trying to deal with the frustration of those who weren't going to be able to shop while also letting people in etc.
Two men wanted to come in together. I explained that two people, even if they are friends, is still two separate people and we’re only letting 4 in at a time . So one came in and the other stayed outside. The one inside didn't know what to buy so the one outside was shouting through the door. Then he started shouting directly at me, telling me what he wanted to buy (why didn't he come in while his friend stayed outside
)
So I opened the door a crack, to stop him shouting. So he put his mouth to the gap and kept on shouting, with his face about 6inches from mine. So I shut the door. So then his mate told me I was disrespectful, this is a shop, I'm supposed to be serving people, I'm out of order. I tried to explain “it’s nearly closing time, it’s been a long day, our policy is..., your friend in shouting very close to my face, it’s making me feel anxious... “ Yeah, so they both fucked off, withdrew their custom. If I get this virus I’ll know who gave it to me.
ETA
MickiQ
The clapping thing...
I heard it and didn’t join in last night. It felt a bit hollow when we can’t even given them proper protection.
