london's worst clubs

[Cloo]

I remember the excitement when Eros opened (I grew up in Enfield) - luckily the opportunity to visit never quite arose.

There was also the Manhattan by the North Circ at Palmers Green - again, never went there, but will never forget overhearing a conversation on the W9 bus between two girls about the immense violence they had threatened to carry out against some other girl in the loos there. Classy!

 

[Ron Merlin]

Ah, the dear old Manhattan. Went there a few times back in the mid-late 80s. Now a Turkish supermarket. I also frequented the fabulous Tottenham Ritzy. This was back in the days before this house music thing had been invented. Jazz funk all night and a compulsory erection section at the end

I was too old by the time Eros opened, thank fuck.

 

[BarbedWire303]

Then there were those 'barns' in Kilburn. The National. The Galtymore. Irish fighting clubs. Mental. Not good mental, bad mental. People stripped to the waist rucking, whilst waiting for taxis. I assume they've all disappeared now but I've not gone back to check.

The Galtymore is/was in Cricklewood

It was still there the last time I drove past (a couple of years ago). I've played at quite a few parties in a run-down flat across the road from there (I nearly fell through the ceiling once)... used to look out of the window and watch people flying out of there with arms and fists waving like moshers in a hardcore mosh pit... lol

Whenever I heard a club was "smart dress only" it was like a massive red flag flag.

Agreed. I wouldn't be seen dead in one of those "get pissed and pull... and if you can't pull, do some bottling" clubs.

Though in the garage scene "no caps or trainers" tended to be a good thing, as those clubs where caps and trainers were allowed, tended to be where all the trouble was.

 

[marty21]

I went to the Galtymore a few times in the 90s - one side was old irish - dancing waltzes and that - other side was young Irish - getting mental drunk and fighting

 

[Yelkcub]

The Turretts club upstairs was actually called Kites. When it was just a function room on top of the pub, a 13 year old me feigned religious indoctrination to have a 'confirmation party' there, scoring cash from my extended Irish family in the process.

Amazed that The Galty, Ashtons and The National have all been mentioned without a nod to Cheekos in Archway, The Gresham on Holloway Road, or the stunning Dicey Reilly's on top of Neadsen precinct.

 

[blossie33]

I went to Eros in Enfield, when it was squatted

Yes, me too.

Fortunately I don't have any experience of any bad clubs in London.

 

[Yelkcub]

And to take it out of London - Discotheque Royale in Manchester. The name says it all

 

[Yelkcub]

I went to Eros in smart pair of trews for a mates birthday. It was so bad that my then gf and I ducked out through a fire exit only for it shut behind us with only a spiked fence to climb as the only way out. I ripped by smart pants and never, ever returned

 

[The Octagon]

If we're moving out of London then I'm allowed Cheekies in Staines

Formerly known as Oasis (which it was not), The Exchange (presumably teeth or STD's) and the ill-advised Diamonds & Denims, in which you could either get beaten half to death by some little scrote and his 10 mates in the downstairs club, or be bitterly disappointed watching his little sister / mother strip in the lapdance bar upstairs *shudders*

 

[Farmer Giles]

A few from my 80s youth. All of these are now gone, but not forgotten.

Flickers in Tooting Bec. Named after the knife of choice if you ‘looked at my bird’.

Clouseau’s in Cheam. Pink panther graphics everywhere, pink drinks and women.

Cinderalla’s in Purley. Huge old Cinema arena of violence and watered down drinks.

Cinderalla’s in Clapham (now Infernos, cant see it changing much) . Huge old Cinema arena of violence and watered down drinks.

Dingles in Fulham Broadway. Huge fight club, mainly because the drinks were not watered down.

Cheers in Wimbledon, tiny mirrored club, hellish.

Cats Whiskers in Streaham. I am sure you are aware of it’s work.

Thank fuck for acid house.

 

[Big Gunz]

Broadway Boulevard, Ealing. How the **** I ended up in here for an R&B night ffs I will not know. Likewise, how I got out without being stabbed I also do not know. Not everyone was so lucky. Full of silver chain-wearing wannabe gangsta scum from everywhere from Harrow to... er... Ealing, I guess

I used to go on occassion back in the mid 90's when it was more for commercial dance before crap like Garage came along. So I missed the Gangsta era. I had some of my best clubbing nights, the crowd didn't have an attitude, I did my machine gun dance and my mate went to chat up a girl and unleashed a massive burp (we were young guys acting like dicks). Went for the lolz more than anything, good times!

Equinox Anyone ever been? Closed now but used to be where the Empire is in Leicester square. Guaranteed a 'great' night out packed full of tourists acting like dicks.

Destiny's In Watford, Slit my wrists now!

 

[BarbedWire303]

Destiny's In Watford, Slit my wrists now!

I'd love to have been there for that legendary Pay As U Go vs Heartless Crew set though, but that was that "garage crap" you referred to earlier, so you wouldn't have liked it

 

[Pickman's model]

A few from my 80s youth. All of these are now gone, but not forgotten.

Flickers in Tooting Bec. Named after the knife of choice if you ‘looked at my bird’.

Clouseau’s in Cheam. Pink panther graphics everywhere, pink drinks and women.

Cinderalla’s in Purley. Huge old Cinema arena of violence and watered down drinks.

Cinderalla’s in Clapham (now Infernos, cant see it changing much) . Huge old Cinema arena of violence and watered down drinks.

Dingles in Fulham Broadway. Huge fight club, mainly because the drinks were not watered down.

Cheers in Wimbledon, tiny mirrored club, hellish.

Cats Whiskers in Streaham. I am sure you are aware of it’s work.

Thank fuck for acid house.

FLICKERS - in capitals i've always noticed the L and the I combine to form an appropriate U.

 

[Pickman's model]

The Turretts club upstairs was actually called Kites. When it was just a function room on top of the pub, a 13 year old me feigned religious indoctrination to have a 'confirmation party' there, scoring cash from my extended Irish family in the process.

Amazed that The Galty, Ashtons and The National have all been mentioned without a nod to Cheekos in Archway, The Gresham on Holloway Road, or the stunning Dicey Reilly's on top of Neadsen precinct.

i only went to the gresham once, to see a band, and thought it was quite decent

 

[Pickman's model]

Ah, the dear old Manhattan. Went there a few times back in the mid-late 80s. Now a Turkish supermarket. I also frequented the fabulous Tottenham Ritzy. This was back in the days before this house music thing had been invented. Jazz funk all night and a compulsory erection section at the end

I was too old by the time Eros opened, thank fuck.

when i was 18 i got sent tickets for the ritzy - i think every 18 year old in north london did. never went mind.

 

[butcher]

The National has been a "church" for about 10 years now.

I saw Ozrics there in 1990, I lived quite Literally around the corner Was with some Spiral Tribe peeps at the time, most interesting night.

 

[Greebo]

<snip>Destiny's In Watford, Slit my wrists now!

aka Exodus aka Kudos aka Paradise Lost etc... always was a crap nightclub which few locals would be seen dead going to, and always will be, world without end.

 

[TitanSound]

Fuck me, how could I forget Cheekos?

Growing up in Archway and having a few Irish friends this was a regular haunt for a late drink. Go to the Archway Tavern for last orders, go up to Cheekos and watch horrific mating rituals to the soundtrack of hideous music, see a fight kick off and then back down to the main bar until the bar staff got tired. Most times they didn't get tired until 8am. Sometimes 9.

Still, I pulled a couple of times there. Those older ladies taught me things I never found on the internet at the tender age of 17.

 

[AverageJoe]

What was the place in Peckham called? The massive club opposite the library?

Is it still there?

 

[Big Gunz]

I'd love to have been there for that legendary Pay As U Go vs Heartless Crew set though, but that was that "garage crap" you referred to earlier, so you wouldn't have liked it

Yeah I'm too old for that shit now. Fetch me my pipe and slippers!

 

[BarbedWire303]

So am I, but I call it "old skool" now lol

 

[twentythreedom]

What was the place in Peckham called? The massive club opposite the library?

Is it still there?

Lazerdrome or something?

 

[Yelkcub]

Fuck me, how could I forget Cheekos?

Growing up in Archway and having a few Irish friends this was a regular haunt for a late drink. Go to the Archway Tavern for last orders, go up to Cheekos and watch horrific mating rituals to the soundtrack of hideous music, see a fight kick off and then back down to the main bar until the bar staff got tired. Most times they didn't get tired until 8am. Sometimes 9.

Still, I pulled a couple of times there. Those older ladies taught me things I never found on the internet at the tender age of 17.

Did you ever do the full Cheekos experience? This involved going out in white trainers so you could convince yourselves and others 'I'm not going to Cheekos, look - I wouldn't even get in', before getting pissed and heading there. Then you'd put your black socks over your trainers which, of course, would look 'exactly' like black shoes. It always worked and the minute you were inside, you go to the toilets and dump the socks. Bizarrely, the bouncers inside would never challenge you about your trainers, despite the fact that anyone would get turned away at the door in them.

The other option was the burger van outside, which would, I kid you not, hire you a pair of slip-ons and store your trainers until the end of the night, all for a fiver.

 

[Yelkcub]

i only went to the gresham once, to see a band, and thought it was quite decent

My main memory of it is leaving in a cab, at speed, with the back window being caved in. The young lady I had met had failed to mention she was the girlfriend of a local loony hood who's mates were in attendance.

 

[stethoscope]

Lazerdrome or something?

Nah, Lazerdrome was on Rye Lane - RIP.

Talking of Peckham - Chicago's. Tbf, I never got in to see if it was any good because it meant dodging the ricocheting bullets outside.

 

[AverageJoe]

Lazerdrome or something?

No. Looking at Google Maps it seems that its now called Castaways. Its a massive building. Its now a MK1 shop on the ground floor and is on the corner of Peckham High St and the pedestrianised row of shops.

 

[TitanSound]

Anyone remember the Elbow Rooms in Angel when it opened? Good venue! I was doing some doorwork at another place just over the road (Salmon & Compass) and heard good things.

A couple of years later though, it started to go rapidly downhill. I was threatened in the toilets one night and the a couple of weeks later, a doorman was shot.

 

[rutabowa]

i went in that elbow rooms a few times to play pool. i don't know much about it other than that.

 

[WWWeed]

aka Exodus aka Kudos aka Paradise Lost etc... always was a crap nightclub which few locals would be seen dead going to, and always will be, world without end.

Its an oceana now and as shit as ever, but at least they have sorted out the sticky floor that used to try and suck the shoes off your feet.

 

[Yelkcub]

Anyone remember the Elbow Rooms in Angel when it opened? Good venue! I was doing some doorwork at another place just over the road (Salmon & Compass) and heard good things.

A couple of years later though, it started to go rapidly downhill. I was threatened in the toilets one night and the a couple of weeks later, a doorman was shot.

Elbow Rooms - played pool and saw Arthur Baker there, IIRC. Salmon and Compass - had some ok nights there too.....