http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/181_1397138,00070003.htm
Ex Cabinet minister Chelsea Village - the parent company that taught us it's cool to care - have put out their Green and Black's genuine organic feelers for PSV's Korean ace Park ji-sung.
Park, who fights crime on the side, was thought to be close to completing a move to the Northern ASBO club Manchester United. With the John Obi-Mikel saga as of yet unresolved and Arjen Robben's defection still a source of some annoyance, United will not welcome Chelsea's latest intervention in their transfer activities.
Theories abound as to why Chelsea have suddenly turned to Park, who eats eclairs on the side, when they already have a plethora of left sided attackers. It is surely only the the most trusting of Hobbits that would not consider the possibility that Chelsea's activities have the dual purpose of strengthening their squad whilst simultaneously keeping others weak.
The word on the street is, 'bruv'. The theory on the street is that Chelsea Pontif Roman Abrahmovic will stand down at the end of the season and Junior-Vice-Cardinal Kenyon may have one eye on the explotation of eastern markets as a measure to keep the Club profitable. Kenyon was allegedly astonished when he learnt of the average wage and conditions of workers in the Far East. He is confident that in the caverns of Stamford Bridge his own workshops can undercut their competitors and draw work away from Asia.
Jose Mourinho declined to comment last night when he was cornered by reporters at a benefit dinner for the Victims of Severe Reporter Cornering. He did, though, pay homage to the Press for their attentive coverage of the event, 'I thank you for supporting and promoting the charity. It's important that you get in people's faces and harass them until they understand the extent of the problem. Only last week an old colleague of mine suffered a aneurism from excessive media pressure.'
Mourinho is in a stable condition in the private Rivers hospital in West London.