friendofdorothy
Solidarity against neoliberalism!
Glad to see feminism threads revived. I would say there is no single unified view of what femisism is, but I know when I am oppressed, distrimated against, dismissed or insulted.
Glad to see feminism threads revived. I would say there is no single unified view of what femisism is, but I know when I am oppressed, distrimated against, dismissed or insulted.
I think its a real shame that most people's exposure to psychoanalysis is through french academic psychoanalysis. There are politically committed psychoanalytic clinicians and academics in the UK who don't write in that way at all. I think psychoanalysis might have a lot to say about the idealisation of women (mothers,nurses) and their denigration (mothers again, teachers) etc.
I bet it was — fits the description perfectly. It’s the classic text — Berne was the pioneer of TA and he writes with real charm, simply and entertainingly. There’s a lot to take from it but Berne would have been the first to say his kind of analysis is always embedded in a particular culture and he was writing from within an incredibly sexist culture of middle-class America in the 1960s. Read it and mentally translate the messages to the 2020s, I’d say.
I’m really torn about this idea that caring for our families should be paid. I think it’s the case that women are better suited (as a generalisation) to caring. More patient, gentle, kind. Which isn’t to say kids don’t need fathers too (although they clearly survive and thrive without), but fathers usually play a different role in child-rearing.In fairness, amongst the many demands of the first wave feminists was not just a call for equal opportunity but also a recognition of the value of nurture...not as some abstract compassion, but having material value and economic consequence. Parenthood, and caring in general should not be unpaid labour, but should be valourised and rewarded...and equally shared by men. Yes, it seems ridiculously hopeful and even a bit hippyish, that 'women's work', if given value and respect, would be far more likely to be shared equitably, leading to a net gain for society. I know, it's almost laughable in its naivety... and distressing to see how rapidly the interests of capital managed to subvert feminism by holding up some meritocratic fantasy of success though labour exploitation. And how quickly was the rug pulled from our feet so that the working parent became not just a lifestyle 'choice' (having it all) but a grinding necessity.
That wasn’t the patriarchy, it was instinct.
What I mean is that even in the event that I didn’t have to work because my husband earnt enough money (he really didn’t at that stage), and even if he was prepared to be the primary carer (laughable to even consider, most men don’t mind you), I STILL would have wanted to be at home with my children to mother them when they were little.What do you mean by this? To what extent is 'instinct' informed by a sense of self that's been shaped by culture?
What I mean is that even in the event that I didn’t have to work because my husband earnt enough money (he really didn’t at that stage), and even if he was prepared to be the primary carer (laughable to even consider, most men don’t mind you), I STILL would have wanted to be at home with my children to mother them when they were little.
And my assertion is that the majority of women feel the same. They might want a small part time job, but given the choice most want to spend the most time with their little ones, bond with their babys, form secure attachments, and just be there especially in those early years.
(I’d still want to finish work to be home by 3:30 for my teens if I could).
Certainly both of course.I think it's the idea that this is a "natural" rather than a constructed identity that is contested, Edie.
Not going by the choices they make, not most, no.Don't most/many/some men feel this too?
Why "certainly"? What's natural about 21st century life?Certainly both of course.
... I STILL would have wanted to be at home with my children to mother them when they were little.
I think in one of your posts you said you had trouble with the idea of paying for childcare, I couldn't find it just then. I do too, it is a part of family which is mostly private...
I STILL would have wanted to be at home with my children to mother them when they were little.
..
I disagree - in my experience most women don’t want to be at home full time with small children.What I mean is that even in the event that I didn’t have to work because my husband earnt enough money (he really didn’t at that stage), and even if he was prepared to be the primary carer (laughable to even consider, most men don’t mind you), I STILL would have wanted to be at home with my children to mother them when they were little.
And my assertion is that the majority of women feel the same. They might want a small part time job, but given the choice most want to spend the most time with their little ones, bond with their babys, form secure attachments, and just be there especially in those early years.
(I’d still want to finish work to be home by 3:30 for my teens if I could).
Really? So why don’t more young women choose to go back to work full time after kids, cos I think women and men earn about the same up until they have kids. If it was finance driven you’d expect about 50% of parents at primary school gates or toddler groups to be Dads and last time I checked (which in all seriousness was a while back now) it was female dominated.I disagree - in my experience most women don’t want to be at home full time with small children.
Most women want interesting/rewarding jobs, not “little jobs”.
Most parents would prefer to have a balance of work and time with their children.
Choices about who works and who stays at home are (in my experience of friends, family, people at school etc) driven by finances.
Shouldn't we be aiming for a situation in which the important (and difficult) work of caring for children (and the elderly) is valued, and the burden/opportunity of any activity isn't based on sex?
I collected my son from primary school. There were only two other men, the rest were women...
If it was finance driven you’d expect about 50% of parents at primary school gates or toddler groups to be Dads and last time I checked (which in all seriousness was a while back now) it was female dominated.
Childcare is really expensive. The mother has been off on maternity leave so becomes default childcarer.Really? So why don’t more young women choose to go back to work full time after kids, cos I think women and men earn about the same up until they have kids. If it was finance driven you’d expect about 50% of parents at primary school gates or toddler groups to be Dads and last time I checked (which in all seriousness was a while back now) it was female dominated.
This is the crux of it as far as I'm concerned. The jobs which women traditionally do, such as childcare, nursing, support roles, elderly care, have always been undervalued. Looking after the most vulnerable people in society should be highly respected and properly compensated.
Really? So why don’t more young women choose to go back to work full time after kids, cos I think women and men earn about the same up until they have kids. If it was finance driven you’d expect about 50% of parents at primary school gates or toddler groups to be Dads and last time I checked (which in all seriousness was a while back now) it was female dominated.