Elpenor
a clown’s heart and a mandolin
Aka the business owner / managers have no friends outside of work"Regular team building events" as a benefit.
Expressions or requirements that put you off applying for a job
- Thread starter Cloo
- Start date
Storm Fox
Trying the find the next noun to verb
That sounds absolutely fucking awful. I assume you weren't paid for these company-mandated outings?
Silas Loom
Man with glasses
I don’t know if this still happens, but ads for crappy rep jobs used to say “company car and laptop and mobile phone”, as if being issued with work IT kit was a generous benefit.
Some places advertise the legal minimum holiday entitlement/employer pension contributions like it's a huge benefit rather than the absolute least they can get away with.
(IME, a lot of younger employees aren't even aware it's the absolute minimum.
)shakespearegirl
just worked out taglines
I had a Head of HR tell me at an interview ‘you will only succeed in this company if you are part of the work hard, play hard culture’ I’d been freelancing there and was applying for a full time job. I managed to resist replying ‘does that mean I have to be part of the weekly Friday coke delivery your secret boyfriend organises’
Looby
Well-Known Member
All this stuff is so weird for me because I’ve been in the public sector (and a touch of third sector) for so long it’s all alien.
Salaries are on a scale which anyone can look up, benefits are almost zero and you mostly know what you’re getting.
I’m mostly glad I’m not trying to navigate this bullshit although I suspect I could earn a lot more if I did.
Salaries are on a scale which anyone can look up, benefits are almost zero and you mostly know what you’re getting.
I’m mostly glad I’m not trying to navigate this bullshit although I suspect I could earn a lot more if I did.
dessiato
🇪🇸 españa te quiero
No we weren't, worse, we had to take turns organising them. I argued that I was married and wanted go home, not fuck about getting pissed and behaving like a dickhead. Eventually I was very specifically excluded. This was fine by me.
ATOMIC SUPLEX
Member Since: 1985 Post Count: 3
I was asked today "How would I work effectively as part of a team".
Silas Loom
Man with glasses
Your sector is weird too. Download a job spec to find out whether it’s something one can do, and discover that the required competencies are strategic foresight, compassion, process adherence, innovation, collegiality and championing change. Give up, none the wiser, and stay in private sector.
Epona
Radar 2006-2020, Sonic 2006-2022, Jakey 2007-2024
I don't think "by not strangling the bloke who works at the next desk because he breathes too loudly" is the correct response, is it?
Epona
Radar 2006-2020, Sonic 2006-2022, Jakey 2007-2024
Since the age of 18 (when I started full time work, I had a couple of different part time jobs before then), I've only ever worked in public sector or charity jobs - I'm completely institutionalised in that regard, I don't even know what other types of jobs look like. I vaguely imagine there are fewer forms.
ATOMIC SUPLEX
Member Since: 1985 Post Count: 3
I just didn't know what to say. What is the scenario?I don't think "by not strangling the bloke who works at the next desk because he breathes too loudly" is the correct response, is it?
I think I just said don't be a dick, listen /pay attention to others and make sure everyone is cool.
They probably had some boxes to tick. I could literally see them ticking boxes.
ElizabethofYork
Old Crone
I'd be willing to drive the getaway car.
Looby
Well-Known Member
I do know someone who told an interview panel at a big accountancy (actually I’m not sure, maybe banking) firm that he wasn’t a team player. The question was about helping the team if he’d met his own targets or something. He didn’t get the job.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
requires driving license and/or access to car, for a remote role... (lying)
remote, with 1 day in the office? (lying)
remote, must live within x miles of y place (lying)
requires x years of experience and y qualifications, for a role that will soon be under minimum wage (lying and stupid)
anything about working hard (there shall be no play)
anything about fast paced work (there isn't enough staff)
requires x experience with "unknown software" (we are promoting from within but have to advertise)
Similar but with a weird mix, so must made a canoe, have a large moustache and also 5 years experience in the public sector. (Are you Ron Swanson?)
remote, with 1 day in the office? (lying)
remote, must live within x miles of y place (lying)
requires x years of experience and y qualifications, for a role that will soon be under minimum wage (lying and stupid)
anything about working hard (there shall be no play)
anything about fast paced work (there isn't enough staff)
requires x experience with "unknown software" (we are promoting from within but have to advertise)
Similar but with a weird mix, so must made a canoe, have a large moustache and also 5 years experience in the public sector. (Are you Ron Swanson?)
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
'dynamic' is the same vibe that I have seen in a lot of adverts
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
I don't know why any company (FFS I cannot type) asks the question 'why do you want this job?' because the actual reason, although true, can't be said - because I need the money/I like not starving and paying my bills/I am passionate about keeping a roof over my head'.
No, they want you to wax lyrical about this is your dream job in llama farming or armadillo grazing or whatever, and say how passionate you are about llamas or armadillos. It's fake.
No, they want you to wax lyrical about this is your dream job in llama farming or armadillo grazing or whatever, and say how passionate you are about llamas or armadillos. It's fake.
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Gromit
International Man of Misery
I remember one. Requires 3 years experience with xxx product.
Product had only been in existence 1 year. So trick advert to catch time travellers?
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
Because I'm a freelance designer, there are some cheeky fuckers who ask for 'a project' as part of the interview process, some really take the piss, asking for entire collections designing, work that would take me two weeks. That's a hard no for me, they want free work. I don't go for freelance gigs advertised on Linked In where you have to send a portfolio in because it can take me a few days to put a portfolio together that's tailored to that job and you know the world and his wife will apply so my chances would be so slim it's not worth it. Most of my work comes from recommendations and I don't need to put a portfolio together, my resume and a list of links to clients websites and instagrams will suffice.
I also won't apply for anything that's fast fashion because the pay is so shit you can't live on it, or anything which is 4 days a week, (usually the same type of client), it's basically a tax dodge, a way of them avoiding paying bens for a full time employee, you'll be so exposed, because you'll struggle to find time for/take on any other clients and invariably when the design manager changes you'll be ditched in favour of someone they know. I also won't work in someones office, sure I'll go in for meetings and the odd day but otherwise no.
As for interview red flags - how fast are you? How fast can you write a tech pack? Massive red flags, you'll be expected to churn out dozens of them til 10 every night. Done that before, being chucked out by the security guard, every day, so they could lock up.
A mate of mine went for an interview with All Saints and they told her they expected her to work til 8 or 9 every night, she has 3 kids, so that was a no and the interview ended there and then.
Another mate of mine who works in advertising, at sales director level, so she'd got the job, any more questions they said? She requested to work through lunch and leave at 5 every day because she commutes to near Brighton. Has two kids. They said no, that was it, she didn't take the job. So if you're a parent it's super important to know before you accept if they're going to be a dick about that.
I also won't apply for anything that's fast fashion because the pay is so shit you can't live on it, or anything which is 4 days a week, (usually the same type of client), it's basically a tax dodge, a way of them avoiding paying bens for a full time employee, you'll be so exposed, because you'll struggle to find time for/take on any other clients and invariably when the design manager changes you'll be ditched in favour of someone they know. I also won't work in someones office, sure I'll go in for meetings and the odd day but otherwise no.
As for interview red flags - how fast are you? How fast can you write a tech pack? Massive red flags, you'll be expected to churn out dozens of them til 10 every night. Done that before, being chucked out by the security guard, every day, so they could lock up.
A mate of mine went for an interview with All Saints and they told her they expected her to work til 8 or 9 every night, she has 3 kids, so that was a no and the interview ended there and then.
Another mate of mine who works in advertising, at sales director level, so she'd got the job, any more questions they said? She requested to work through lunch and leave at 5 every day because she commutes to near Brighton. Has two kids. They said no, that was it, she didn't take the job. So if you're a parent it's super important to know before you accept if they're going to be a dick about that.
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Silas Loom
Man with glasses
Managing (and especially embarking on) freelance relationships is tricky on all sides. Which is why when they work out for both parties, relationships tend to be very long lived. I still work with freelancers that I found 20 years and three roles ago.
Not to say that there aren’t exploitative bastards and entitled twats who prey on freelancers, it’s just that sometimes clients have no option but to trawl at scale for the person who fits their peculiar requirements, offending some professionals along the way.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
My longest term clients we go back 15 years, My biggest work gig at the moment, I last worked for her 10 years ago when she was design manager at another brand. I collab with a business consultant and we send each other plenty of work, I think we currently share 4 clients!
The worst red flag interview I had recently was with two middle aged men, who had created a sneaker brand to sell in the UK, one was in Brazil, was normally selling in Brazil and South America, the other based in UK.
They mansplained to me about how to take a factory range and adapt it for a customer in another country, like I was a student, not someone who is 54 and been in the trade probably longer than they had. Yes mate as if I didn't already do that for skechers for a few years, back in the 90's. I should've trusted my instinct and never done the interview. But it looked like an easy gig - their product was shit, they obviously needed some help, I didn't think it would be that hard to do something that would actually sell. So I sent a quote, they accepted, signed it off, and the day before I was due to start they attempted to add on about 10 times more work for that quote. I was suddenly busy, something had come up. I hate my time wasted by idiots.
The worst red flag interview I had recently was with two middle aged men, who had created a sneaker brand to sell in the UK, one was in Brazil, was normally selling in Brazil and South America, the other based in UK.
They mansplained to me about how to take a factory range and adapt it for a customer in another country, like I was a student, not someone who is 54 and been in the trade probably longer than they had. Yes mate as if I didn't already do that for skechers for a few years, back in the 90's. I should've trusted my instinct and never done the interview. But it looked like an easy gig - their product was shit, they obviously needed some help, I didn't think it would be that hard to do something that would actually sell. So I sent a quote, they accepted, signed it off, and the day before I was due to start they attempted to add on about 10 times more work for that quote. I was suddenly busy, something had come up. I hate my time wasted by idiots.
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Otoh, I've never done a proper job interview in my life and this is exactly how I get offered work (that does include farming although never llamas yet)
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
When I worked for Sh***y he decided he and the design team needed a team building event and it was the most awkward Alan Partridge-esqe two days we'd ever experienced. The first gaffe being that he booked one of those shitty converted house hotels directly on the North Circular, the second being that no one had any idea what one was supposed to do on a team building day. Total Linton Travel Tarvern vibes. I think we cringed for a full 48 hours."Regular team building events" as a benefit.
newme
Giant in Pastyland now
There's a very famous one of these in IT. Think it was a programming language/similar? The guy who invented the thing didn't meet the requirements for a job as a result.
PTK
Paul Kegan
I was on an Open University summer school once, and a lecturer was talking about some other school that we might like to attend, and he described it as "we work hard and play hard" which immediately put me off. If I play, I certainly don't want to do it in a hard way.
PTK
Paul Kegan
Passion means thay you will suffer for the thing.
This is why the suffering of Jesus is described as The Passion.
Gromit
International Man of Misery
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
I once was a residential warden at a university and the OU summer school was always held there the week after the end of summer term.
Absolutely a fucking nightmare because those OU students like to act like our usual students by treating it like a week-long party, which is fine but not even my rowdiest students kept me awake every night till 4am for an entire week. Arseholes.
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