Urban75 Home About Offline BrixtonBuzz Contact

Disastrous family seasonal attractions and the never to be forgotten Lapland New Forest Theme Park

I've been enjoying the cheeseboard facebook page during my lunch/procrastination break.

Some may say the organisers doth protest too much - who knows:

Guys,

If we felt that we had not provided any of the things included in your entry price then we'd be the first to hold our hands up and apologise but this is simply NOT the case!

To broach the comments/complaints being aimed at us:

"The cheese was 'store bought' (co-op/Sainsbury's etc)/not of a high quality"

This is absolutely untrue. The cheeses were sourced from some of the UK and Europe's best specialty cheese makers, dairies and farms, such as Montgomery's Cheddar and Ogleshield (producer Jamie Montgomery), Stilton (producer Tuxford and Tebbutt), Cornish Brie (Producer Cornish Country Larder) and Buche De Chevre from France, as well as Nutkin Artisan Vegan Cheese. This is completely documented with the suppliers/invoices/boxes etc. The Sainsbury's truck some people saw arriving at the start of the first session was delivering extra Jacobs crackers (Jacobs were always the cracker supplier and this was made completely clear!)

"There was not unlimited cheese"

Again completely untrue! There are 11 different cheese stations serving all day and night with totally unlimited amounts of cheese throughout. Again, this is documented in photos and videos across the whole weekend. If you decided to leave after 30 minutes then of course, we couldn't give you unlimited cheese! You'd bought a ticket for a 6 hour event!!!!

"The music was rubbish"

We very clearly advertised 'cheesy music' this was a mix of pop, Christmas songs and old hits. Exactly the definition of cheesy music at this time of year!

"There was no comedy or karaoke"

Again totally untrue and again documented with videos and photos. This is upstairs in the loft (Speakcheesy room). If some of you didn't find that then we're sorry, but we did supply a map right at the entrance and a program to all of you - these things were happening all day and were amazing!

"You ran out of cheese"

Untrue and once more documented in hundreds of photos. None of the cheeses ran out, and there were mountains of cheese all throughout the event and right up until the end. Just as promised...totally unlimited. Again, if you only stayed for a very short period of time, how can we ensure you have the unlimited cheese we had provided for everyone over the 6 hour sessions?

"The mulled wine was cold"

Again this just isn't true! We serve from heated dispensers (which once again is a provable fact!) it was a cold day in December so of course, the drinks are going to cool down fairly quickly but they were absolutely not cold when served.There were occasions when the dispensers had to be changed over and the temp might not have been piping hot...but they were at no point 'cold' and were mostly hot

"There wasn't a halloumi or cheesecake stall"

There was a cheesecake stall and there are photos to prove this

The halloumi burger and camembert chef sadly fell ill the night before - so this was one thing missing from our program but this (as was made very clear) was an additional option to purchase and was not included in your ticket price

"The production set was not as expected/there was none of the production promised"

We spent (again completely documented and provable) thousands and thousands of pounds on giant cheese sets, giant wine bottles, giant grapes, draping, screens, comedy signs, props and photo opportunities, actors and loads more fun stuff. Again completely provable with photos and videos!

Here is a list of some of the additional attractions and production pieces - all of these are documented in photos and videos at every session

A total of 6 comedians on rotation across the sessions. Some of which have even won best newcomer at the Edinburgh festival etc
Cheesy Karaoke
Comedy quizzes
Cheese dreams disco with the amazing club de fromage DJ's
VICheeseTable with our celebrity mice actors
Photospots with large celebrity mice cutouts and 'face in a hole' set ups
Giant Chess set
Giant cheese moon
Giant wine bottles, grapes, cheeses, circus draping, oversized Christmas candy canes, Christmas trees with presents and a large fire plus loads more decorative touches
Buskers and street performers
Lots of seating and a heated marquee
The cheese street market
Cat and Mouse actors

On the food front, along with tonnes and tonnes of cheese (again completely documented!) we also supplied free chorizo, grapes, relishes and garnishes, baguettes, jams, pineapples, canapes and loads more - none of which were even advertised in advance.....we supplied those for free, in addition, to make sure you guys had all you could eat and experience the cheese in the best way! We have not cut any corners and actually went over and above what was stated on the tickets and events

The fact is that a LOT of people had a great time ....we have so many videos and photos of all the fun that was happening around the venue - but a small proportion of people had expected something else (we are really not sure what as we made very clear what content would be in place - and even went beyond that to add more in the last few days!) and were not prepared to give the event a chance and spend the full or even half the duration of the session before making accusations which are completely incorrect.

For ticket holders to the final session on Dec 23rd we would encourage you to come along and take your time to explore the venue and experience a) the fact that there categorically is unlimited cheese and b) there are loads of fun things to do whilst you are eating (check out the comedy, compete in the quiz, interact with our mice, dance in the disco room, sing in the karaoke, take snaps at our photo spots or just chill out and chat in our giant cheese board terrace).

As with any event, there were, of course, some queues in the first hour or so for certain things. However, there was loads of stuff happening all over the venue and 2 large areas where you could get access to cheese almost immediately...plus servers walking around the queues handing out cheese and greeters at the doors with cups of mulled wine.

At the time of writing there are lots of happy cheese fans here, many of them having just watched 4 great comedians and are about to begin the pub quizz...everyone has had as much cheese as they want (and of course can get as much as they want for the next couple of hours too) most people have a cup of hot mulled wine in front of them and the wine is of course still readily available to all, just as it has been throughout.

We are truely passionate about cheese and have put months of planning and huge investment into this project - we are obviously very upset seeing any negative reactions at all...but to make the statement some of you are in messages and social media is just totally unfair and false! If we had run out of cheese, or limited anything or just stuck some tables in a room then fair enough...but that is absolutely not the case and there are loads and loads of ways we can prove this to anyone who's interested to know more!


From the comments:

This has been the best immersive art installation in 2017, if not this century. The creative genius of the team that managed to evoke this extraordinary experience of feelings of loss, greed, alienation, and anger can only be admired. The giant cheeseboard dismantled preconceived materialistic expectations in the post truth era and makes us look into the ugly mirror of hyper consumerism. In a time where nothing is certain and values are being redefined, the hiatus between preconceptions and corporeality lies at the heart of modern capitalist society’s struggle with humanity.
Finding yourself trapped in a seemingly endless queue for limited resources sets the scene, and it is not long before you find yourself confronted with your own ugly impulse to advance to the top at the expense of others. This alienation with ‘the others’ is reinforced by oppressively crowded spaces, where the masses are directed by victims of the gig economy through a nightmarish labyrinth of crowds and queues and will leave you utterly disorientated. Using the symbolism of cats and mice as uniforms for the workers on the lowest rang of society is maybe too obvious but left us with a feeling of understanding the degradation of people we hold accountable for the mistakes of the powerful.
The dramatic walk out of the DJs and mice evoked a powerful and lasting experience of disenfranchisement and alienation. The giant cheeseboard not only provided a unique experience during the performance but made its mark by creating a meta-reality with lasting impact by projecting an alternative interpretation of the event and thus amalgamating capitalism, post-truth and alternative facts into an impressive experience that will stay with you for a long time.

They should have organised this more Caerphilly

I’m furious at this and I wasn’t even there as I don’t like cheese
 
I've been enjoying the cheeseboard facebook page during my lunch/procrastination break.

Some may say the organisers doth protest too much - who knows:

I'm baffled by their assertion that the accusation that 'there was not unlimited cheese' was 'completely untrue'. On a purely logistical level, surely there can be no such thing as genuinely unlimited cheese?

If any of you happen to have a vast quantity of cheese lying around about which you wish to make rashly bold claims of neverendingness, I'm quite happy to be part of any team of people sent in to put this to the test.
 
Ohhh.. looks like we have a strong late contender :)

Winter Wonderland event cancelled

So much quotable stuff...

Rhonda Elliott, who attended the event with her husband William and four-year-old daughter Katie, described the experience as "horrendous".

"We ended up having to stand in a huge line full of prams with kids getting upset and an elf trying to push us further along even though there was nowhere to go - it was terrible," she told the Belfast Telegraph.

She also derided Santa's beard as "shockingly bad".

"His beard didn't have a hole in it for his mouth so he had to pull it down to speak," she said.

"Horrified kids were shouting: 'He isn't real!'"
 
Here's a heart-warming festive Brixton effort from 2012

brixton-xmas-lights-2012-14.jpg
 
Wail

Shameless star Tina Malone pops out for a McDonald's just hours before she was ‘led away in handcuffs’ by police after pantomime amid claims she was taking cocaine during shows.

The actress had performed in a pantomime performance of Sleeping Beauty at a theatre in Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, with her four-year-old daughter in attendance.

Staff at the theatre tipped off police after suspecting the 54-year-old actress had taken cocaine during both rehearsals and performances.

I hope my niece and nephew aren't too upset :facepalm: :D
 
Back
Top Bottom