Combating hopelessness

[BigMoaner]

Bump. I'm feeling a tad hopeless again.

At the beginning of lockdown I decided to block out news, not think about global issues, not spend any energy on anything I have no control over. I decided to concentrate my energy and time on my little corner of the world - organising my peers and local lgbtq+ community.

I've managed a lot in the last 2 years -

• activism - starting a campaign for rights for older lgbtq+ people in care - speaking in public, meeting with the council, connecting with others in the same fight
• community volunteering - organising self help and social events for my older lgbtq+ community
• moving home a year ago (after 30 years in the same area) finding a new home, beginning a new garden, decorating and arranging things, etc

I've moved house and area but my social life, volunteering and activism is still centred on Lambeth where I used to live. I'm committed to meetings and attending events that I think I 'should' go to - rather than what I want to do. I've been a bit half-hearted in transferring all my life and energy to this new borough. My diary is too full. I seem to have left no time for art, sewing, exercise, going out locally etc.

I seem to have over committed and don't know how to extricate myself from the work I've created for myself.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed at the moment and I'm uncertain as what to do. What is the point? I'm worried I'm becoming depressed. I don't expect answers here, but I do want to let off stream and sort my head out. Sorry I'm just bumbling.

I get in these sort of corners, not through activism etc but other things. It’s normally means that I am about to make changes, internal or external. This is the thing with negativity, whether it’s mood or life circumstances, they are trying to tell me something. That’s how I see it. I like how the Buddhists approach it: everything, even joy, is shot through with pain - that’s what enables it to be joy. Can’t have one without the other. Best wishes to you.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

I've moved house and area but my social life, volunteering and activism is still centred on Lambeth where I used to live. I'm committed to meetings and attending events that I think I 'should' go to - rather than what I want to do. I've been a bit half-hearted in transferring all my life and energy to this new borough. My diary is too full. I seem to have left no time for art, sewing, exercise, going out locally etc.

I seem to have over committed and don't know how to extricate myself from the work I've created for myself.

a couple of more detailed thoughts -

communities don't start and end at borough boundaries, particularly so in london (although some things with grant funding attached may have strings attached about people using a service needing to live or work in the borough) and some boroughs don't have enough critical mass of some communities to do viable things - i've never really got the hang of croydon, so i don't know if there are lgbtq+ things in croydon, or whether the community there would tend to gravitate to somewhere that's bigger, like lambeth.

volunteering / voluntary organisations are very variable. there's some where you get asked / expected to do more and more until you burn out. there's some where you're still seen as a newcomer and treated with suspicion after 20 + years.

i have tended to concentrate on one or two things - there are people (and i'm not suggesting you're one) who get involved with all sorts of groups / societies etc, and manage to do a small and often fairly ineffective amount at each of them, there's something to be said for not spreading yourself too thinly.

i'm at a bit of a loose end in that respect having got turfed out a year or two back from one thing i was heavily involved with for 20+ years (i'm still not entirely sure why, but the internal politics always were a bit beyond me and more so after i stopped living near it) and with being a bit unsettled in terms of maybe moving house, i'm reluctant to get too involved in anything else. my other thing is a couple of half days round an annual special event with no other commitment on either side.

People do drift in and out of voluntary things, and some organisations have regular flounces. drifting out, or stepping back at a sensible time is probably better, though. you know the things you're involved in, i don't - are any of them the sort where there are other people eager to get more involved? are they the one/s you would be happier to step back from?

 

[friendofdorothy]

People do drift in and out of voluntary things, and some organisations have regular flounces. drifting out, or stepping back at a sensible time is probably better, though. you know the things you're involved in, i don't - are any of them the sort where there are other people eager to get more involved? are they the one/s you would be happier to step back from?

With my community group its difficult to motivate people to do much. They say hey why dont we do this or that meaning they want someone else to organise it for them. I've done so much now its sort of all become mine - I've built it up with loads of regular outings and events from a mailing list of about 30 to 120 over the last 6 years or so. I said in the summer that I wanted to do fewer events - Its entirely my own fault that I organise so many - there are still 11 in person events this month and 4 online zooms. I don't go to all of them - but I do most.

With the activism it's mostly me and one other doing the pushing to get things done. We've had some success.

 

[Wilf]

I get in these sort of corners, not through activism etc but other things. It’s normally means that I am about to make changes, internal or external. This is the thing with negativity, whether it’s mood or life circumstances, they are trying to tell me something. That’s how I see it. I like how the Buddhists approach it: everything, even joy, is shot through with pain - that’s what enables it to be joy. Can’t have one without the other. Best wishes to you.

Lovely sentiments.

 

[friendofdorothy]

I've managed a lot in the last 2 years -

• activism - starting a campaign for rights for older lgbtq+ people in care - speaking in public, meeting with the council, connecting with others in the same fight
• community volunteering - organising self help and social events for my older lgbtq+ community
• moving home a year ago (after 30 years in the same area) finding a new home, beginning a new garden, decorating and arranging things, etc

I forgot to include:

• a year training to become a qualified tour guide
• organising a group annual art exhibition
• organising and /or speaking at various lgbt+ history events

 

[Puddy_Tat]

They say hey why dont we do this or that

ah yes, i remember that one. "we" meaning "someone else"

(or more precisely someone else can do the work, but i'll be happy to take some of the credit for it)

 

[friendofdorothy]

I get in these sort of corners, not through activism etc but other things. It’s normally means that I am about to make changes, internal or external. This is the thing with negativity, whether it’s mood or life circumstances, they are trying to tell me something. That’s how I see it. I like how the Buddhists approach it: everything, even joy, is shot through with pain - that’s what enables it to be joy. Can’t have one without the other. Best wishes to you.

Thank you - this is helpful. I suppose my mood is telling me I'm tired and should change something.

I've somehow managed to create a whole unpaid job for myself - I realise I want fewer unpaid meetings and more fun and more creativity in my life.

 

[friendofdorothy]

I suppose I take solidarity seriously - I want to show up for others for things that wont necessarily help me.

 

[cesare]

Moving home is a massive stressor - one of the top 5 iirc. Perhaps build in some time to relax and recuperate

 

[friendofdorothy]

Moving home is a massive stressor - one of the top 5 iirc. Perhaps build in some time to relax and recuperate

yes I don't seem to have allowed myself much time for that.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Thank you - this is helpful. I suppose my mood is telling me I'm tired and should change something.

I've somehow managed to create a whole unpaid job for myself - want fewer unpaid meetings and more fun and more creativity in my life.

without knowing much about the organisation involved (and not wanting you to name them / go in to detail here) has it reached the point where the 'management structure' is no longer right for what organisation is now trying to do?

you can get that with small businesses that have grown but owner is still trying to run it like it's a one person show, you can get it with voluntary organisations that start small and get chaotic.

do you need more people to do more of the admin and meetings stuff and let you do the more fun and creativity stuff? any organisation needs a balance.

getting volunteers is across the board getting less easy - there's a generation of people who got early retirement on decent pensions who have been a big part of a lot of voluntary organisations for the last 20 years or more, but there's not so many people who retire early on decent pensions now.

there are some people out there who are willing to do the admin stuff that's needed for any voluntary organisation to run. i know one organisation that had a treasurer who was very good at handling all the bullshit needed to get and maintain charity status, seeking out grants and tax / council tax breaks for charities and all that sort of thing. they ended up getting pushed out because certain others thought they didn't get their overalls on and do the ground level stuff enough...

 

[friendofdorothy]

you can get that with small businesses that have grown but owner is still trying to run it like it's a one person show, you can get it with voluntary organisations that start small and get chaotic.

do you need more people to do more of the admin and meetings stuff and let you do the more fun and creativity stuff? any organisation needs a balance.

Yes that's us. Still small but not very tight knit. I behave like a lone activist, I don't do 'mapping' or 'scoping' meetings. I can see what needs to be done and don't ask permission to do it. I get things done, without funds or on a shoestring. Others behave more corporate, third sector, charity people. They know how to get funding and employ consultants - for their pet issues, not mine. We definitely need more balance.
Yes I need more people to do stuff. I've applied for funds to pay someone to do what I'm doing singlehandedly atm. It's a long wait to find if that's successful.

I'm suppose I'm running out of steam.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Yes I need more people to do stuff. I've applied for funds to pay someone to do what I'm doing singlehandedly atm. It's a long wait to find if that's successful.

hope that goes well.

it's also a bit of a spiral in that small / underfunded / overstretched organisations with not enough people are often not going to have the time / energy / expertise to put good bids for grant funding together.

don't know if it would affect the grant application, or be a worthwhile short term measure, but may be worth seeking volunteers for specific roles (i realise i may be stating the bloody obvious here and / or that you've already tried) but with many organisations there's a mix of people who are very dedicated to that particular cause and people who want to do something useful (maybe on the IT or admin side) and are looking for somewhere to do it.

lambeth seem to have a volunteer 'vacancies' web page - don't know how you go about listing on there.

I'm suppose I'm running out of steam.

 

[friendofdorothy]

hope that goes well.

it's also a bit of a spiral in that small / underfunded / overstretched organisations with not enough people are often not going to have the time / energy / expertise to put good bids for grant funding together.

don't know if it would affect the grant application, or be a worthwhile short term measure, but may be worth seeking volunteers for specific roles (i realise i may be stating the bloody obvious here and / or that you've already tried) but with many organisations there's a mix of people who are very dedicated to that particular cause and people who want to do something useful (maybe on the IT or admin side) and are looking for somewhere to do it.

lambeth seem to have a volunteer 'vacancies' web page - don't know how you go about listing on there.

Thanks. Yes I know and I've tried but there is only so much I can do to support volunteers. Now it's up to the rest of my 'team' .