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Why the Guardian is going down the pan!

The Guardian has been running these "I used to do/want/think like/believe/live in/love/hate X but now I've chosen Y instead and now can't stand X" articles for as long as I can remember. It's what these fuckers are good at :snarl:
But this one was just particularly bollocks.
 
Desperate to regain the lost territories of my forefathers, and buoyed in the righteousness of my cause by painstaking research on Ancestry.com confirming my descent from the last Anglo-Saxon ealdorman, I launched an all-out assault by fire and sword on the perfidious usurpers who style themselves "Hemel Hempstead Borough Council" sparing none from the wrath of my bloody vengeance, nay, not even temporary clerical staff. Let the blood eagle stand as token of my deadly earnest.
 
Desperate to regain the lost territories of my forefathers, and buoyed in the righteousness of my cause by painstaking research on Ancestry.com confirming my descent from the last Anglo-Saxon ealdorman, I launched an all-out assault by fire and sword on the perfidious usurpers who style themselves "Hemel Hempstead Borough Council" sparing none from the wrath of my bloody vengeance, nay, not even temporary clerical staff. Let the blood eagle stand as token of my deadly earnest.
If only starmer had this kind of drive, passion and general enthusiasm for bloody slaughter.
 
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Starmer: "I would like to assure the public that I am a sensible leader, unlike my honourable opponents. That is why I am announcing that I will be joining in with the Prime Minister's razing of Southend, and I pledge that if you follow me I will carry out a more fair and efficient orgy of wanton destruction than Mr Johnson."

Southend citizen: "Can we not raze the town? I sort of live here."

Starmer: "You were observed talking to a socialist last January and are hereby suspended indefinitely from the party. Liz Kendall will be along shortly to defecate on your linens and burn your house down. I don't know why she does the linens thing first, seems unnecessary but that's Liz for you. Also I don't remember authorising party members to attend this speech."
 
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What are the chances of so many different businesses of varying scale all 'losing' exactly the same precise sum?

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My winter of love: I was on holiday with my boyfriend – and the B&B owner told me a horrifying home truth​

He sidled up to me as I was helping myself to some more spiced nuts. “Honey,” he said, “he is never going to marry you. Never.”

:eek:

 

My winter of love: I was on holiday with my boyfriend – and the B&B owner told me a horrifying home truth​

He sidled up to me as I was helping myself to some more spiced nuts. “Honey,” he said, “he is never going to marry you. Never.”

:eek:

After all that sex as well. Goes to show, all men are bastards
 
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