The office 'scolding email' thread

[Badgers]

We are all required to be at our desk, logged on and ready to work at 8:30am unless otherwise agreed with management

Got in at 9am

 

[strung out]

Got in at 9am

I'm assuming this was agreed with management?

 

[cybershot]

A gem sent round the office today:

So you all have lunch at the same time too?

There's so much in that, that is wrong, I take it she's an old battle axe who has no idea how people use things such as technology to help them work in an ooen office.

Sounds like she wants you to all sit in dead silence all day.

 

[Badgers]

It pleases me that she spelt 'language' and 'communication' wrong too

 

[Pickman's model]

my manager is yet to put in an apprearance

 

[A380]

Got in at 9am

Just stick a few of these around the office.

 

[Throbbing Angel]

earlier this month - sent to all

Hi all

Some of you may have noticed a particular bad smell in the kitchen recently reminiscent of sour milk.

XXXXXX and I have just done a search for the origin of the smell and discovered a polystyrene cup at the back of the cupboard above the worktop to the right of the sink with what appeared to be solidified milk in it that had clearly been there a while.

I don’t know who the cup belonged to or why they are hiding milk in the back of cupboards but it is has been disposed of so hopefully the smell will dissipate shortly.

If it belonged to you and was a science experiment please conduct future experiments in your own kitchen!

Message also passed on to benefits and Ctax/NNDR.

Cheers

Redacted McRedactFace
Benefits Team Leader

 

[skyscraper101]

I don’t know who the cup belonged to or why they are hiding milk in the back of cupboards

'Aliens'

 

[purenarcotic]

A gem sent round the office today:

This is incredible. What a miserable bastard.

Also how do they know if someone is wearing leggings vs tights for example? And what’s wrong with leggings anyway?!

 

[Badgers]

This is incredible. What a miserable bastard.

Also how do they know if someone is wearing leggings vs tights for example? And what’s wrong with leggings anyway?!

I have no idea at all

 

[Badgers]

Monday motivation:

Good Afternoon All,

I am sure you are all well aware of the current business circumstances that we are in. This current period of time is very crucial to us as a business.

Therefore I would like to advise you that any holiday or absence requests for this month will be rejected.

Many thanks for your understanding guys.

From the previous email:

We are all required to be at our desk, logged on and ready to work at 8:30am unless otherwise agreed with management

My CEO requested I get in for 8am for a meeting with her this morning. I got in at 07:30 and she is still not here

 

[equationgirl]

Monday motivation:


From the previous email:

My CEO requested I get in for 8am for a meeting with her this morning. I got in at 07:30 and she is still not here

I used to really like it when my former employer would arrange a meeting for a 6am start with the overseas office. Usually because I'd get into work and it would be either cancelled after everyone had arrived, or was running late. Either way, it was an excellent way to piss everybody off at the start of the day. You have my sympathies, what time did she finally arrive?

 

[Badgers]

I used to really like it when my former employer would arrange a meeting for a 6am start with the overseas office. Usually because I'd get into work and it would be either cancelled after everyone had arrived, or was running late. Either way, it was an excellent way to piss everybody off at the start of the day. You have my sympathies, what time did she finally arrive?

Nearly half hour late

Much like this morning 08:15 morning meeting which she arrived for at 08:40

 

[equationgirl]

Nearly half hour late

Much like this morning 08:15 morning meeting which she arrived for at 08:40

I think someone is getting an alarm clock in the secret santa this year...

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

So, this went round to everyone in the company...

Good afternoon all,


****** and I will be running another training season on the 21st & 22nd November for those who missed the August training and also for anyone that would like a recap – everyone is welcome!.....blah, blah....

Queue a round of acceptances, replied to all, as per.

So I have gone passive-aggressive...

Hi *****

Not for me thanks.

Should you offer Outlook training on how not to copy in the whole company with email replies, please sign me up!

Thanks.

 

[Pickman's model]

So, this went round to everyone in the company...



Queue a round of acceptances, replied to all, as per.

So I have gone passive-aggressive...

yeh every so often there's administrators in other departments who send emails to everyone in ours, generally containing someone's personal information. so i always make a point of emailing them back pointing out the data protection policy, as well as the gdpr and mentioning everyone from the big library boss to the spottiest shelver will have received their email and they should be more careful in future. seems to put people's hackles up

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

yeh every so often there's administrators in other departments who send emails to everyone in ours, generally containing someone's personal information. so i always make a point of emailing them back pointing out the data protection policy, as well as the gdpr and mentioning everyone from the big library boss to the spottiest shelver will have received their email and they should be more careful in future. seems to put people's hackles up

Do you copy everyone in?

 

[Pickman's model]

Do you copy everyone in?

no. sometimes i think i should tho.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

no. sometimes i think i should tho.

Should do. I did today, have had numerous, genuine messages of support

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

no. sometimes i think i should tho.

Should do. I did today, have had numerous, genuine messages of support

LOL! Love it – I was about to say the same thing but was worried it will cause more people to CC in everyone lol

Bravo sir!!!

LOL LOL, that has made my day ******. I hope all’s well with you.

Ha ha love it fucking fuck wits !!!

Hope you're well

Are you venturing up for the Christmas party?

And of course, replied to all:

Me too please !

 

[Pickman's model]

Should do. I did today, have had numerous, genuine messages of support









And of course, replied to all:

when i used to work for a local authority every so often some numpty would spam everyone working for the council with some shit like 'can't make this meeting day, can we rearrange' and then there'd be 15 or 20 frothing emails following

 

[cybershot]

Thing is, all they needed to do was send a calendar invite, and let the calendar do it's thing and auto populate the accepts/denied and no responses!

Talk about making life more difficult for yourself.

 

[QueenOfGoths]

Whoever did this, blu tracked to the door of the gents at work. deserves much respect

 

[FridgeMagnet]

Whoever did this, blu tracked to the door of the gents at work. deserves much respect

View attachment 152652

Probably best to learn beforehand tbh, otherwise you’re stuck with your pants round your ankles googling “how to flush toilet” on your phone.

 

[LeytonCatLady]

Whoever did this, blu tracked to the door of the gents at work. deserves much respect

View attachment 152652

This is why signs should read "Please leave the toilet as you would LIKE/WISH to find it", not "EXPECT" to find it.

 

[nogojones]

A gem sent round the office today:

Refrain from the giggling what?

 

[nogojones]

A gem sent round the office today:

I'd be causing fucking chaos in that office if I got a e-mail like that

 

[ElizabethofYork]

A gem sent round the office today:

Blimey, what a cunt. And then saying "we are in a relaxed environment" !

 

[Teaboy]

Great news, I have an absolute doozy.

 

[cybershot]

Great news, I have an absolute doozy.

My reply would simply be. IT'S FUCKING COLD. People's consumption of hot drinks goes UP, and then comes down again in Summer. Perhaps instead you should budget accordingly, and purchase more milk and suager in winter and less in summer when less drinks and people on holiday are not in the building.