The office 'scolding email' thread

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Does that person work in a school?

 

[spanglechick]

Does that person work in a school?

Yes. Dance teacher.

 

[ash]

Unfortunately the entire and large stock of mugs in Xx has disappeared between Friday evening and this morning with no note of explanation. As this room is used by several colleagues each day we urgently need our mugs to be returned.

If you have our mugs please could you bring them back to Xx first thing – we would be very grateful.

Kind Regards

I’m loving this individuals sense of ‘urgency’ - they are also working in education (FE) !!!

 

[Enviro]

Superb meaningless threat aggressive sign off. Plus embarrassing spelling error. A classic.

And starting with the timeless 'Hi folks'

 

[trabuquera]

Whagwan : first you need to find your nearest craft shop or other source of subversive supplies. Cough up for a jumbo deluxe box set of about 100 sets of googly eyes. Volunteer to work late on a few nights and have at it.

 

[equationgirl]

Whagwan : first you need to find your nearest craft shop or other source of subversive supplies. Cough up for a jumbo deluxe box set of about 100 sets of googly eyes. Volunteer to work late on a few nights and have at it.

Love it. Googly eyes are epic.

 

[strung out]

 

[Sapphireblue]

i feel exhausted just reading that.

 

[StoneRoad]

Who ever wrote that needs to be made to walk the plank ...

 

[Puddy_Tat]

View attachment 149399

that is aimed at primary school age kids, isn't it?

 

[equationgirl]

Christ on a pogo stick... Nothing worse than when work is made to be FUN.

 

[FridgeMagnet]

Who ever wrote that needs to be made to walk the plank ...

Don't encourage them by collaborating.

Whoever wrote that needs to fuck off.

 

[MickiQ]

Poor, they ommitted such key phrases as "Aaargh Jim Lad", "Pieces of 8" or "Walk the Plank".

 

[Badgers]

 

[trabuquera]

Are they really, really sure it's snot?

 

[existentialist]

Are they really, really sure it's snot?

There was a little bunny
With a runny, runny nose:
Don't think it's funny,
'Cos it's snot.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

 

[Puddy_Tat]

 

[Badgers]

 

[Badgers]

A gem sent round the office today:

I thought it would be useful to remind you of the below as this shall be discussed as part of your Performance Reviews.

Timekeeping:

1. We are all required to be at our desk, logged on and ready to work at 8:30am unless otherwise agreed with management
2. Your lunch hour is a full 1 hour, unless 30 minutes applies to your contract or any agreements made with management
3. In the event that you have taken more than 1 hour for lunch or you arrive to work late, please email ******** and myself to how you will make this time up and when

Language and Tone:

1. I fully accept that we all have a bad day and that we may have frustrations- however continual bad language is not acceptable in the office
2. It is great to communicate with colleagues and get to know them, but please can conversations be kept to a minimum during work hours- please remember you have a full lunch hour to communicate with colleagues
3. Please be respectful of colleagues in the office and refrain from the giggling and speaking loudly whilst colleagues work

Dress Code:

1. Although we are in a relaxed environment kindly refrain from wearing ripped jeans
2. No leggings are to be worn at any time

Cigarettes/Coffee/Breaks

1. All colleagues are entitled to a 5 minute break in the morning and in the afternoon
2. Please do not take advantage of this
3. In the event of taking these breaks, this shall be deducted from your lunch break and it should be 50 minutes.

Mobile Phone Usage

1. As this is a working environment, you are not permitted to to listen to music, watch films or use whats app for social purposes

 

[FridgeMagnet]

Are you allowed to speak in the corridors?

 

[Badgers]

Are you allowed to speak in the corridors?

In hushed tones

 

[strung out]

A gem sent round the office today:

"1. All colleagues are entitled to a 5 minute break in the morning and in the afternoon

2. Please do not take advantage of this"

Great

 

[equationgirl]

What a bunch of wankers Badgers not listening to music?? For fucks sake, sometimes listening to that or a film was the only thing that stopped me going full on postal in the office when things were shit.

 

[Badgers]

There is a new office manager / PA to CEO who is trying to stamp her authority. She won't last

I call her PAA (PAin in the Arse)

 

[FridgeMagnet]

"1. All colleagues are entitled to a 5 minute break in the morning and in the afternoon

2. Please do not take advantage of this"

Great

Imagine if someone were to do something like take the full five minutes but not include the time to walk to and from their desk to the smoking area. Twice in a day. That’s basically anarchy.

 

[smmudge]

Fucking hell, suddenly my workplace seems quite nice!

What's wrong with leggings under a dress? Is tights under a dress ok? Basically the same thing but leggings are thicker.

 

[existentialist]

A gem sent round the office today:

Only one response suffices...

FUCK. OFF.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

There is a new office manager / PA to CEO who is trying to stamp her authority. She won't last

I call her PAA (PAin in the Arse)

ah.

is this a case of "i am the PA to someone very important therefore i am very important" syndrome?

and i think that the rule about "continual bad language" should be tested to see what interval between swear words is acceptable

 

[Pickman's model]

Badgers rope in some of your colleagues and when you have your performance review act all earnest and ask for bad language targets, which should of course be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and have a time limit.and i'd also talk to people about the breaks, you should get something like 15 mins morning and afternoon paid (ie 2 breaks) plus an unpaid lunch break. i note that the music relates to mobile phone use. so dial up the spotify on your computer and listen with a clear conscience - as long as it's not for social purposes. bunch of cunts tho.