The job hunting support thread

[Orang Utan]

at one point they said they were here to help me get work and i got a bit angry about that. they do not really help anyone get work. the most they do is provide computers to search for jobs, or send you on a useless course.

 

[Orang Utan]

to that. it's a while since i've had much contact with the dole people, but from what i gather, you don't have to be a cunt to work there, but with the performance targets for sanctions and so on, it probably helps...

yep, the reason they're off work is probably due to their humanity and compassion. they were very kind to me and were encouraging and supportive, which I suppose is frowned upon by managers.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

they said they were here to help me get work

which is bollocks.

they are there to get you off benefits as quick as possible by any means they can

 

[Orang Utan]

I'm applying for jobs I don't want just to get £70 a week. FFS.
I'm doing them very quickly and not bothering to correct typos or mistakes, and just saying yes in boxes that ask about skills/qualities/all that bullshit. So hopefully this will keep DWP happy and not waste anyone's time. I wish there was an automated service for applying for things. What a fiasco.

 

[Orang Utan]

I am now going for frivolous answers to cheer me up, such as:

I am eminently qualified for the job, but I have a job offer already, and even a start date, but the DWP are making me keep applying for jobs, wasting my time and yours, so apologies for making you read this far. Blame the Tories

Clown shoes

Has own hair

I am very nice

Professional, though

You still reading?

Cycling Proficiency

Swimming Bronze Medal

Have I got the job then?

Anyone want a drink?

 

[Orang Utan]

My Job Coach had the gall to suggest I apply for job they were doing as they are nearly always recruiting (not surprised there's a high turnover).
I am tempted to apply, saying I am ideal for the job as I have a heart of stone and I enjoy making people cry in front of me.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

as i think i have said before, there is a line between applying for a job with minimum enthusiasm and taking the piss, which can get you sanctioned...

 

[Orang Utan]

At this point, I don't really care if I get sanctioned. In fact they way I feel right now, I'd prefer to get sanctioned to carry on with this charade, can't take much more of this indignity. So might as well have fun with it. If I'm being forced to make people waste their time reading my applications, I should at least try and make them laugh.
A 'seasonal bee keeper' position has come up in my alerts. That will be fun. Gonna spend this evening coming up with awful puns and gags. The best I can do so far is to say that I'm thick skinned and that working outside would give me a buzz.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

you would not want to end up a corporate drone...

 

[RubyToogood]

It is worth clinging on for the NI credits tho...

 

[Orang Utan]

It is worth clinging on for the NI credits tho...

What do you mean?

 

[Badgers]

Still surprised and annoyed by how lazy recruitcunts are. I am lucky not to be urgently in need of work but they contact me, take my time on the phone/email then fail to email/call or reply to my requests for updates.

Trying to think of any industry that has ever been this lazy/inept/ignorant in my decades of business across many hated sectors

 

[friendofdorothy]

My Job Coach had the gall to suggest I apply for job they were doing as they are nearly always recruiting (not surprised there's a high turnover).
I am tempted to apply, saying I am ideal for the job as I have a heart of stone and I enjoy making people cry in front of me.

Be careful that might just get you the job as you obviously fulfil the essential requirements

 

[Orang Utan]

Be careful that might just get you the job as you obviously fulfil the essential requirements

well quite, hence my 'joke'

 

[Orang Utan]

Got a start date this morning - it's not til January. I despair.

 

[donkyboy]

I'm applying for jobs I don't want just to get £70 a week. FFS.
I'm doing them very quickly and not bothering to correct typos or mistakes, and just saying yes in boxes that ask about skills/qualities/all that bullshit. So hopefully this will keep DWP happy and not waste anyone's time. I wish there was an automated service for applying for things. What a fiasco.
View attachment 120063

Aye and Yup

 

[Orang Utan]

Would it be too risky to get in touch with my future employer and ask if there's any chance of a sooner start date as the DWP are on my back and I may be forced to take another job?

 

[friendofdorothy]

Would it be too risky to get in touch with my future employer and ask if there's any chance of a sooner start date as the DWP are on my back and I may be forced to take another job?

Can't hurt.

 

[RubyToogood]

What the heck is this?

Commitment to working with shared leadership and in cross-functional teams

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Would it be too risky to get in touch with my future employer and ask if there's any chance of a sooner start date as the DWP are on my back and I may be forced to take another job?

agree with FoD - can't hurt, although

a) DWP may want you to look for at least temporary work rather than pay you another couple of months' dole

b) there's nothing to stop you taking something else and giving notice in january - or if you're content on the dole, you could always tell potential employers (for jobs that dwp force you to apply for) that you've got another job in january - they will probably say 'no thanks'

What the heck is this?

do you have a buzzword bingo card handy?

 

[Puddy_Tat]

News from here -

think i mentioned a couple of jobs i was thinking about applying for a month or so back -

decided against even applying for one of them (oxford is about as expensive for housing as london is) and got offered interview but withdrew from the swindon one (on reflection, i can't really move any further away from mum-tat)

have seen something by chance this weekend that's london based and is worth a try, although have got to get the application in by tomorrow evening.

(although to some extent, I can copypasta bits of previous applications in to the personal statement for this one)

 

[Orang Utan]

Just applied for a bunch of seasonal retail roles - the ASDA one has pictures of food and you have to guess which product's going to go off first and what item you should pack last.
All the supermarkets have these multiple choice questionnaires to determine whether you're a nice person who's easy to work with or if you're a psychopath with ocd - or at least that's what they seem to be trying to find out.
I failed the Tesco one ( ) but passed the Asda and M&S ones. Go figure!
Aldi didn't want me either but only cos I couldn't commit for 12 months

 

[Orang Utan]

Got a supermarket interview on Thursday for part time Xmas work.
Got another one tomorrow for a mysterious company - the advert was for customer service, but I looked at the company website and have read their 'about us' and I am still in the dark about the hell it is they do. Lot of marketing jargon. They want a commitment of several months, despite them advertising that they were seasonal vacancies, so I'd have to lie to them in the interview. I'm toying with the idea of telling the truth, Liar Liar style, just for the lulz.

 

[Jackobi]

Aldi didn't want me either but only cos I couldn't commit for 12 months

Yeah yeah.

 

[Orang Utan]

Yeah yeah.

it says so on the site!

 

[Orang Utan]

Just researched the company I had the interview with on Glassdoor, and it turns out they're a bunch of chancers - it's just door to door sales, 100% commission, pyramid sales style bullshit, no pay for the training and 4 week wait for any cash you might earn. Fuck that. Timewasters.

 

[starfish]

Unemployed again. Nothing to go to on monday.

 

[starfish]

Hoping to hear back about a couple of temp possibilities.

 

[starfish]

Had an interview last week, ticked all the boxes but they said i was too honest. It was a fixed term position & i said i was more looking for perm but would judge it on a job by job basis.

 

[Orang Utan]

got a xmas job - only for a month but it will tide me over til job proper starts. I will be a Grocery Librarian.