So here is the rest of my story , this is the 1st time i have posted about this on any forum i dont know why I chose this one Welll that is a lie i do as its so you can see that not all are out for what they can get or for an easy life , as belive you mine is not easy , some would say its not even a life or its one wasted. I agree to a point but when i have nowhere or nobody to turn to only a Dr whom says I should get over it and try move on and obviously does not understand the scars and memories It has left upon me I live in hope that tomorrow will be my last reminder or amnesia blesses itself upon me.
To look at me you would think that there is nothing wrong with me. I have not lost a limb , no dog that walks beside me, no wheelchair or any other kind of Disability that is visable to the eyes If you were fortunate to cross my path which would be when nobody is around late at night or early hours , you would not see my face i hide it even then ,i walk with my head down cap on so i am not seen this is on the rare occasions that when I do leave the prison of my own home I think the only thought you would have is i'm in need of a good meal .
My disability is Mentally .I suffer from Comple Ptsd , no I have not been in a war torn situation nor have I been in a disaster that involved any other form of Ptsd . I was sexually abused constantly from a family member and his friend as a child from the age of 5 until i was 10 .I was then given back to my mum and dad where for 2 years i was mentally abused, tortured and beaten by my father , whilst my mum sat back and watched . Following this i was then taken into care and made a section 2 ward of court until the age of 18 where I spent a few years going from childrens home to childrens home , until I was fostered out at 14 to a family where the kind dad sought it upon himself to abuse me some more. So i again was moved to another foster parent, until I moved out at 17 , thrown into a world with no support no counciling no help from family as i was disowned for the case that lead to the family member and his friend going to prison.
Two years ago i had to flee from my flat as i had to testify in court on behalf of my eldest sister for the fight to get back her daughter where they had put on the documents my home address . My eldest sister who stayed with my parents fled from the clutches of my dad ,nearly 3 years ago leaving her child behind ( my niece is also my sister as a result of my dad ) She did not leave her out of choice as this would of never been an option it was due to the lack of choices she had and knowing that he would not stop until he hunted her down . They have only now taken in last 5 months taken her daughter my sister and niece into care
I spend my days alone scared trying to fight the demons that others put in my head .Too scared to leave my home and walk around in the day as normal people who live a normal life ( well what only i can imagine can be as normal a life) To sacred to go to sleep as the nightmares i endure .Nor to try to block out the images that i live with constantly in my head from flashbacks to anxiety ,lack of concentration ( I started this post 4 hrs ago maybe more) and panic attacks ,this is just a few of the things i suffer as a result of my past.
I have been told that I can claim high care component which i should be claiming but I am still yet to fill out the online form as I feel what i have is enough , I do not ask for anything .If i was to ask for something it would be memory loss . The only thing that keeps me alive is that I above everything that i have endured over my lifetime i I actually do believe in god ,So i know what it is like to live hell everyday of my life live it after this life ( or not i here the athiests cry) i dont want.
If only we could swap lives for 24 hrs .Would you want to ? I know i wouldn't I would not wish mine on anyone .So if i suffered for another to live a normal life then i would not change one thing about it .So yes whilst you are at busting ya ass of at work these posts i type .WANA TRADE PLACES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
