Son has been kicked out of University

[equationgirl]

In my experience, many tutors will bend over backwards to help students with deadlines and coursework. There may be caps on marks but sometimes getting it in and done is more important than how high a mark it gets. But ONLY if they students lets them know they need help.

Ignoring emails and letters doesn't fix the problem, it just makes it grow bigger.

 

[Pickman's model]

In my experience, many tutors will bend over backwards to help students with deadlines and coursework. There may be caps on marks but sometimes getting it in and done is more important than how high a mark it gets. But ONLY if they students lets them know they need help.

Ignoring emails and letters doesn't fix the problem, it just makes it grow bigger.

Yeh it's paying little heed to these intermediate steps that may be the problem.

 

[not henry]

Perhaps your son would share his login details for his academic site. (blackboard noodle or whatever). This would show you what assignments he had, turned in, passed failed whatever. Many students and parents share this information

 

[mango5]

Oh cripes SO MUCH GOOD ADVICE on this thread.
In the spirit of conversation, I would emphasise H has many resources. Whatever his part in the communication issues they are on his side, especially the student union and professional and academic staff. I wonder if the honesty aspects could be dealt with through other channels.
Then you just get to be the loving parent. Few others can give H that.

 

[equationgirl]

passenger the main thing right now is how he moves forward and positions himself stronger for next year, irrespective of whether that's a repeat of year 1 or a progression to year 2.

But to do that he needs to be honest with himself about what he wants to do.

Is uni for him? Is this course for him? How does he feel about repeating a year?

Please tell him not to worry about talking to his tutor,they will have dealt with this issue many times before. It's important that he takes responsibility for not dealing with the issue before, and also make it clear that he is prepared to work pretty hard to turn things around.

 

[bellaozzydog]

An alternate angle

I’m currently living with a year one Philosophy degree drop out.

Talking to him, leaving was the best thing he could have done for himself, he is regrouping and I think he’s sorting himself out and is about two years ahead of the course reading list for if/when he heads back into the fray

 

[mango5]

It takes strength to bail out of university.

 

[Epona]

If it's the case that he's not been getting the work done, it could be that this course isn't the right one for him - better to find out sooner rather than later so he can decide on a different direction, if that is the case. I hope you get to the bottom of it so you can give the right sort of support for wherever this will lead him

 

[equationgirl]

It takes strength to bail out of university.

Very true. There should be more emphasis at school about different post 16/18 education paths and what to do if things don't go the way you thought they would. There's too much emphasis on getting into uni but to my knowledge very little if anything about what to do if it isn't for you. There's no shame in a change of direction.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

indeed

although what are the student loan implications if you don't complete the course?

i don't fully understand the detail, but a friend's partner didn't finish a degree course, and i understand the financial implications were not good...

 

[equationgirl]

indeed

although what are the student loan implications if you don't complete the course?

i don't fully understand the detail, but a friend's partner didn't finish a degree course, and i understand the financial implications were not good...

It's true there may be some, but I did mine under the old mortgage style student loans and I don't know anything about the way current student loans are structured to comment on that aspect.

That said, if he speaks to the student counselling service or students Union they should be able to answer questions.

 

[passenger]

Just a quick update H is going to see the Uni tomorrow, to talk about
why he stugeld with his course work, looking at the mental health and
other reasons that have built up to this situation, so the ball is roling ...

sorry for the late reply your input/help has helped a lot and there is
someone from urban talking to him about this.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

Glad to hear there is progress, passenger - fingers crossed for you and him.

 

[Thistlewaite]

I'm unaware of the universities ways of processing until they get to the expulsion stage.

However, from one human to another, I hope you will be ok and that your son will get the help he needs.

Best of luck

 

[mango5]

It takes strength to bail out of university.

Specifically, it's not intended one of those 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' sentiments. It takes strength to consider the options and make the decision. There is no shame in seeking advice from folks with more understanding of the system. It takes strength to accept and absorb new information, especially when it's painful or disappointing to hear.

To me it sounds like H already has these strengths. Stay, go, switch, pause, repeat, whatever... All are difficult but indecision and regret are harder to live with.

 

[Funky_monks]

I don't know how other places work, but we'd have to have a student that was totally failing to engage if we sent them that letter, and it would be preceeded by a "nicer" letter asking them to engage and have a tutorial/come up with a study plan.

Has son been attending?

 

[Ted Striker]

A few observations from someone who was a real dickhead at uni and for whom this is familiar...This is a tale 20 years old, but some things may ring true...

1. You have to work hard...incredibly hard...to get kicked out of Uni, especially in your first year. Especially squared if its fee paying and you are in good financial standing (i.e. no missed payments). Especially cubed for the oft heard stoty of "im a bit tardy with commitment in my first year adjusting to adulting away from home for the first time". First year (IME, maths so ymmv) is aligning the various a-level syllabuses to ensure everyone is equally prepped (and understand further ed disciplines like academic writing and logistics) for the real learning in years 2 and 3.

2. Calls for all paperwork/comns mentioned here are a bit of a misnomer.. Between the various dept pigeonholes, campus accommodation postboxes, personal email, student email... I would have zero paper trail. They were just 4 things I had to dodge. To think of a student that was fully on top of comms, but just couldn't execute on the deliverables, is incredibly rare.

3. I retook y1 with the most committed outlook that I would return to being the most disciplined student evah...Turns out that lasted 3-4 weeks...I had the same distractions, same as-then-undiagnosed boredom with the subject matter, plus a bunch of new clasates I couldn't bond with, as if would highlight my moronic dropping of a year, and they just weren't my pals from last year (that were now a year ahead of me). I do t think I'll ever be able to be convinced that retaking y1 works in the end, I'd love to see the stats on it.

4. NGL it really hindered my job interviews (and general self worth) for my whole 20's, until the wasted 2.5 year period dropped off the bottom of my cv. In fact it was a bit of a cloud over me internally until...

5. 20 years later I got a masters from Birkbeck. Lots of people do similar (struggle with uni first time round). I was shaking when I got the result. Sad to say the first people I called was M&D, to close a bleak chapter with a triumph

 

[wtfftw]

I'm in quite a bit of uni debt and dropped out. You make decisions with the information you have at the time.

 

[two sheds]

Repeating the year and only getting a third didn't really affect me at all, I got the jobs I wanted.

I might have done even better but at my first interview in my second year Marconi (as I recall) they asked me what courses I was doing and I only got three out of seven

 

[Ted Striker]

6. Ooof...Just remembered the course is Computer Science...Hardest game in the world (imo) at Uni. Was like a course in Footbdll, Fruit Machines, UK Garage or AudioGalaxy for me...I.E Most of the enrollees would do it for fun. The computer lab was their Student Union bar. They could do the assignments in their sleep.

 

[Wookey]

This

I managed four years of fucking around and doing nowt at university while avoiding letting the parents know . They were very clear what the acceptable levels of work were and I just about made them to hang in till the end then leave with fook all

It was only when I turned up at home skint with severely depleted serotonin levels that they realised

Exactly the same. I failed first year, and they let me through. Failed second year and they let me through. Failed my year away in France in a major style. And scraped over the line with a Desmond after four years - AFTER WHICH! Might I add, I was accepted onto a Teacher Training course to do my PGCE. I ask you. The fucking standards in this country are diabolical. They NEARLY let ME be a teacher. ffs angry emoticon.

 

[two sheds]

It was pinball, table football, and discovering spliff and music that did for me

really enjoyed what I remember of the year though

 

[Edie]

A few observations from someone who was a real dickhead at uni and for whom this is familiar...This is a tale 20 years old, but some things may ring true...

1. You have to work hard...incredibly hard...to get kicked out of Uni, especially in your first year. Especially squared if its fee paying and you are in good financial standing (i.e. no missed payments). Especially cubed for the oft heard stoty of "im a bit tardy with commitment in my first year adjusting to adulting away from home for the first time". First year (IME, maths so ymmv) is aligning the various a-level syllabuses to ensure everyone is equally prepped (and understand further ed disciplines like academic writing and logistics) for the real learning in years 2 and 3.

2. Calls for all paperwork/comns mentioned here are a bit of a misnomer.. Between the various dept pigeonholes, campus accommodation postboxes, personal email, student email... I would have zero paper trail. They were just 4 things I had to dodge. To think of a student that was fully on top of comms, but just couldn't execute on the deliverables, is incredibly rare.

3. I retook y1 with the most committed outlook that I would return to being the most disciplined student evah...Turns out that lasted 3-4 weeks...I had the same distractions, same as-then-undiagnosed boredom with the subject matter, plus a bunch of new clasates I couldn't bond with, as if would highlight my moronic dropping of a year, and they just weren't my pals from last year (that were now a year ahead of me). I do t think I'll ever be able to be convinced that retaking y1 works in the end, I'd love to see the stats on it.

4. NGL it really hindered my job interviews (and general self worth) for my whole 20's, until the wasted 2.5 year period dropped off the bottom of my cv. In fact it was a bit of a cloud over me internally until...

5. 20 years later I got a masters from Birkbeck. Lots of people do similar (struggle with uni first time round). I was shaking when I got the result. Sad to say the first people I called was M&D, to close a bleak chapter with a triumph

Excellent posts and so true

 

[Wookey]

In answer to the boy's woes, I would say he isn't happy for some reason, and that might be difficult to truly ascertain, maybe he doesn't know himself the reason. The advance stage it's got to would hint that he hasn't kept you entirely up to date with developments as they've gone on (frankly, neither did I at that age). So I would offer your help, but say it comes on the condition (the one and only condition) that you need to know what the problem is properly, before you can help properly. Start there. xx

 

[Idris2002]

My grandfather would say in this situation: "you have hit bottom, but it is an elastic bottom from which you shall rebound to greater heights".

 

[existentialist]

Nobody appears to have mentioned Covid yet, and I think a LOT of people do not appreciate the broad-spectrum headfuck that it, and all the consequences it has brought, can create, especially in the minds of those in the school/university age bracket. It might be worth giving some consideration to that, and - if appropriate - citing it as part of your response.

 

[mango5]

It's a composite of ALL THE THINGS for everyone. We could all do with an elastic bottom.

 

[girasol]

I did a Computer Science degree and I often used to stay up until all hours doing work, because there was A LOT of work. It's not a course you can just cruise, I'm afraid. It needs a lot of extra hours work, on a very regular basis - unless he's a computer whizz who already knows all the principles of programming and all the programming techniques/languages and can just code stuff in 5 minutes... Even, then, the one guy I knew in our course who was like that, even he had to put the hours in!

I'm glad I was a "mature" student (23) at the time, there were so many distractions, which, I was more disciplined by then to ignore.

 

[Riklet]

I suspect your son has not been honest with you about how far behind he is.

Even with a challenging degree like Computer Science, to get kicked out of first year you have to reallllly fuck up. Do no work. Reply to no emails. Make no attempt to contact the department. Have appalling attendence.. maybe not even go for weeks or miss multiple assignments and then fail to catch up. And he has no one fighting his case or arguing for him so he probably never went to go see his tutor etc.

He is an adult now and has to take some responsobility. This might even be good for him, as clearly the course wasnt working for him. But tbh I would be a bit worried about what exactly he has been doing instead of uni.

 

[Idris2002]

I have to agree with Riklet - the one similar case I saw, where not only did the kid get the boot, but the department refused to take him back and said that any attempt to make them take him back would be "contested vigorously" was a case of no work at all at all.