Buddy Bradley
Pantheistic solipsist
Me three. Until you mentioned it, I hadn't even considered that it could be the result of a year's worth of background stress and anxiety - just assumed it was something about getting older.
Reflections, one year on.
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Poot
My wife thinks I work too hard
This has been a real experiment for me. I'm perfectly happy on my own but as I always suspected, it's not good for me. I'm really struggling to broaden my horizons now it's lifting.
I've aged about ten years, too. I don't know what happened there. Maybe I've stopped caring.
I've aged about ten years, too. I don't know what happened there. Maybe I've stopped caring.
hash tag
Reaching out
This is totally off at a tangent - I have now been getting slowly back into work. There have been a lot of changes happening and were planned
for. I am not looking forward to working proper shifts again ie nights and weekends amongst other things, so much so, I applied for a new job today.
for. I am not looking forward to working proper shifts again ie nights and weekends amongst other things, so much so, I applied for a new job today.
Doctor Carrot
Marxist Henchman
I feel pretty bruised by all this. I've worked all the way through and it's very much damaged my perception of human nature and, more specifically, British culture.
At the beginning I felt energised to help people and was pleased to see people around where I live willing to shop for more vulnerable people and the like. That's went out the window within a few months though.
The first lockdown was particularly hard as we were so short staffed. Where my perception began changing was seeing people treating the whole thing as a jolly. Getting pissed up in the park every day and making repeated trips to the shop whereas leaving your house once a day was the guidelines.
Then came the mask wearing and that really annoyed me, still does. The bare faced arrogance and attitude of 'I don't give a fuck about you you're just a shop worker' portrayed by too many people's inability to wear a thin bit of cloth over their face for 2 minutes. Not only that but the endless bullshit of 'I'm exempt give me fags' made it even worse.
To cut a long whinge short my mental health has suffered to the point I think I'm probably functionally depressed. I've been pretty lonely throughout and remain so despite seeing people again and I'm borderline wanting to reanimated the corpse of the temperance league because I detest the way our entire culture revolves around drinking.
I hope I'm not permanently changed by this as I don't really want to be bitter but the level of thick as pigshit arrogance I've seen on display has left me feeling very bitter. It continues as well and will get worse with the current path the government is on.
On the plus side I've learned I don't really want to be on my own for the rest of my days despite previously thinking I did. I realise that's weirdly contradictory to the rest of my post!
I've also managed to actually save money for the first time in my life and I will be spending it on a long, long trip to the other side of the world as soon as I am able.
At the beginning I felt energised to help people and was pleased to see people around where I live willing to shop for more vulnerable people and the like. That's went out the window within a few months though.
The first lockdown was particularly hard as we were so short staffed. Where my perception began changing was seeing people treating the whole thing as a jolly. Getting pissed up in the park every day and making repeated trips to the shop whereas leaving your house once a day was the guidelines.
Then came the mask wearing and that really annoyed me, still does. The bare faced arrogance and attitude of 'I don't give a fuck about you you're just a shop worker' portrayed by too many people's inability to wear a thin bit of cloth over their face for 2 minutes. Not only that but the endless bullshit of 'I'm exempt give me fags' made it even worse.
To cut a long whinge short my mental health has suffered to the point I think I'm probably functionally depressed. I've been pretty lonely throughout and remain so despite seeing people again and I'm borderline wanting to reanimated the corpse of the temperance league because I detest the way our entire culture revolves around drinking.
I hope I'm not permanently changed by this as I don't really want to be bitter but the level of thick as pigshit arrogance I've seen on display has left me feeling very bitter. It continues as well and will get worse with the current path the government is on.
On the plus side I've learned I don't really want to be on my own for the rest of my days despite previously thinking I did. I realise that's weirdly contradictory to the rest of my post!
I've also managed to actually save money for the first time in my life and I will be spending it on a long, long trip to the other side of the world as soon as I am able.
existentialist
Tired and unemotional
Yeah, like you, Doctor Carrot, the biggest hit I've taken is in my perception of "the public". This pandemic has brought home forcibly just how disconnected as a society we are - I had some sort of fond notion at the beginning that, faced with a common enemy, people would largely knuckle under and pull together.
To be fair, I think that this probably HAS happened, and it's just the noisiness of those who refuse to act in the common good that makes them so noticeable, but the endless stories, like yours, of people being abused and harassed for either wearing masks, or asking other people to, is distressing and dismaying.
Perhaps because I'm fortunate in not having to deal with such idiots on a daily basis, I've tended to do my best to ignore their idiocies, and focus on the decent, kind, socially responsible people around me.
Like you, I've learned that my social interactions are precious to me, and I take them a lot less for granted - in fact, several great friendships have developed over lockdown that, as things have eased, I've been able to appreciate and enjoy more, and I am 100% sure that I will never be quite as ready to take social contact for granted ever again.
To be fair, I think that this probably HAS happened, and it's just the noisiness of those who refuse to act in the common good that makes them so noticeable, but the endless stories, like yours, of people being abused and harassed for either wearing masks, or asking other people to, is distressing and dismaying.
Perhaps because I'm fortunate in not having to deal with such idiots on a daily basis, I've tended to do my best to ignore their idiocies, and focus on the decent, kind, socially responsible people around me.
Like you, I've learned that my social interactions are precious to me, and I take them a lot less for granted - in fact, several great friendships have developed over lockdown that, as things have eased, I've been able to appreciate and enjoy more, and I am 100% sure that I will never be quite as ready to take social contact for granted ever again.
Doctor Carrot
Marxist Henchman
I think the bit I've bolded is what has distressed me the most. I've had my core beliefs shaken by it too.
I thought some sort of collective society with no overall leadership structure was my politics but I now don't even think that's possible, definitely not in my lifetime and its because of this. If anything I've discovered there's quite an authoritarian streak within me because I want every cretin not wearing a mask without good reason to be fined, heavily. Same with people who were just dicking about outside their homes during the early lockdowns.
I know it's because where I work has coloured things and, in reality, more people wear masks than don't but it's that knuckle dragging constituency that has really stood out. I mean just a minute ago a bloke of that description with no mask 'have you got any strepsils mate? ' ah a sore throat, what does he think it's likely to be during the middle of a pandemic at the height of summer? Again, no concern and no clue. I stood well back from him.
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stereotypical
hospitality king
This is a great thread with some very human insights.
Me, well I've found it ok and simultaneously horrendous.
On the one hand working in healthcare (not frontline) has been intense, rewarding and exciting. On the other it's been incredibly stressful and at times upsetting to see so many of my (frontline) colleagues at breaking point. My ex gf (nurse on Covid wards throughout) has literally been through hell and back, I'm in awe by the fact she hasn't had a complete breakdown or ended up with PTSD as I'm pretty certain I would have lost my marbles in her shoes. We broke up for lots of reasons (some of which I've talked about here) but no doubt Covid impacted us being able to sort something out.
Being in the vulnerable group was scary at first but kinda got used to it tbh. I ended up having routine scans and appointments delayed by nearly a year and subsequently ended up very poorly. Kinda back on track now though and had all the scans etc I needed. My nurse has literally been my guardian angel.
Ive probably had about three nervous breakdowns (not joking), realised how I actually dislike a good chunk of my friends, got pissed off hugely with my family, lost weight, read a shedload, got better on guitar (arthritis not withstanding), become obssesed with prog metal, watched my team win the league for the first time in 20 years (bittersweet seeing them lift the cup in an empty ground YNWA), started smoking again, quit then started again, then quit again, lost a friend to Covid (at 40 RIP), lost a friend to a heart attack (at 38 RIP), voted for Starmer in the leadership ballot, had a zoom call with JC, tried to get back with my ex, got back with my ex, broke up again, watched a close friend become a racist alchoholic, found Jesus (best thing to happen, yes really. Totally saved me), cried a good few times, missed seeing my nieces/nephew all the time, got into Agatha Christie novels, got far too pissed out my face on a night out last August, got pissed out my face at home on the couch lots, cleared out my wardrobe, ditched Marxism after 20 years (finally), played online videogames for the first time since my late teens (I'll batter you at Fortnite), got double jabbed, enjoyed the quietness of lockdown, went out for walks loads, didn't do as much yoga as I should have, attended a councious relaxation class online, read loads of crap self help stuff, read some good self help stuff (Meditations), reconsidered my career, decided my career is just fine, made loads of vlogs at the start of the pandemic (can't watch them now as such a scary time that wasn't it), got prescribed antidepressants, didn't take antidepressants.
All in all it's been ok really. I'm still reading Agatha Christie novels, go to church now, much better at guitar and trying to woo my ex back (hopelessly). I do miss my mates who arnt here anymore.
Look forward to standing at the bar, having a pint with no mask, no perspex dividers, social distancing, or need to show any sort of test/vaccine certificate etc. Suspect that's still quite a way off.
Me, well I've found it ok and simultaneously horrendous.
On the one hand working in healthcare (not frontline) has been intense, rewarding and exciting. On the other it's been incredibly stressful and at times upsetting to see so many of my (frontline) colleagues at breaking point. My ex gf (nurse on Covid wards throughout) has literally been through hell and back, I'm in awe by the fact she hasn't had a complete breakdown or ended up with PTSD as I'm pretty certain I would have lost my marbles in her shoes. We broke up for lots of reasons (some of which I've talked about here) but no doubt Covid impacted us being able to sort something out.
Being in the vulnerable group was scary at first but kinda got used to it tbh. I ended up having routine scans and appointments delayed by nearly a year and subsequently ended up very poorly. Kinda back on track now though and had all the scans etc I needed. My nurse has literally been my guardian angel.
Ive probably had about three nervous breakdowns (not joking), realised how I actually dislike a good chunk of my friends, got pissed off hugely with my family, lost weight, read a shedload, got better on guitar (arthritis not withstanding), become obssesed with prog metal, watched my team win the league for the first time in 20 years (bittersweet seeing them lift the cup in an empty ground YNWA), started smoking again, quit then started again, then quit again, lost a friend to Covid (at 40 RIP), lost a friend to a heart attack (at 38 RIP), voted for Starmer in the leadership ballot, had a zoom call with JC, tried to get back with my ex, got back with my ex, broke up again, watched a close friend become a racist alchoholic, found Jesus (best thing to happen, yes really. Totally saved me), cried a good few times, missed seeing my nieces/nephew all the time, got into Agatha Christie novels, got far too pissed out my face on a night out last August, got pissed out my face at home on the couch lots, cleared out my wardrobe, ditched Marxism after 20 years (finally), played online videogames for the first time since my late teens (I'll batter you at Fortnite), got double jabbed, enjoyed the quietness of lockdown, went out for walks loads, didn't do as much yoga as I should have, attended a councious relaxation class online, read loads of crap self help stuff, read some good self help stuff (Meditations), reconsidered my career, decided my career is just fine, made loads of vlogs at the start of the pandemic (can't watch them now as such a scary time that wasn't it), got prescribed antidepressants, didn't take antidepressants.
All in all it's been ok really. I'm still reading Agatha Christie novels, go to church now, much better at guitar and trying to woo my ex back (hopelessly). I do miss my mates who arnt here anymore.
Look forward to standing at the bar, having a pint with no mask, no perspex dividers, social distancing, or need to show any sort of test/vaccine certificate etc. Suspect that's still quite a way off.
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hash tag
Reaching out
As someone who is clinically extremely vulnerable I am looking forwards to the time when people drop the masks, take less precautions and
generally make me feel at risk again. This is not helped by the various scare stories in the press. I am also concerned about the vaccine not
affording me the protection that it has given others and wearing off more quickly than others.
I appreciate that for many people in many ways lockdown has been a nightmare but for me it was not bad. It's the unlocking and the longer term
that is starting to worry me.
generally make me feel at risk again. This is not helped by the various scare stories in the press. I am also concerned about the vaccine not
affording me the protection that it has given others and wearing off more quickly than others.
I appreciate that for many people in many ways lockdown has been a nightmare but for me it was not bad. It's the unlocking and the longer term
that is starting to worry me.
Buddy Bradley
Pantheistic solipsist
Fair enough, each to their own. Personally I don't see the point in praying to invisibl...
RainbowTown
Well-Known Member
"You must go on. I can't go on. I'll go on."
I think this from Samuel Beckett probably sums up what a lot of us have felt during this strange and unsettling period. It's been a rollercoaster ride, to be sure, lots of ups and downs, and it's not over yet. But I remain quite positive and upbeat about the future. Fingers crossed. For all.
I think this from Samuel Beckett probably sums up what a lot of us have felt during this strange and unsettling period. It's been a rollercoaster ride, to be sure, lots of ups and downs, and it's not over yet. But I remain quite positive and upbeat about the future. Fingers crossed. For all.
existentialist
Tired and unemotional
Yeah, I get that. Life just feels like marking time, all a bit pointless.
Doctor Carrot
Marxist Henchman
I know how you feel but just focus on that one thing, seeing your nieces and then that will, in time, help you look forward to more things in future.
Buddy Bradley
Pantheistic solipsist
There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing (Published 2021)
The neglected middle child of mental health can dull your motivation and focus — and it may be the dominant emotion of 2021.
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