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Pandemic personal consequences

I'm having a fucking meltdown. I know if I type it out it will make me sound ridiculous. But here I am unable to get out of bed for my walk because I am shaking and sobbing over a dispute I am having with my manager over fricking zoom meetings. So I am already well out of my comfort zone by working from home and over the phone (phone phobic) but I am trying my best despite extreme anxiety. So I AM fulfilling my responsibilities. However my manager is insisting that I also attend morning zoom meetings with a number of colleagues every morning, just before I call my first client. Being ADHD diagnosed and with a high chance of also meeting ASD diagnosis (according to my psych also...not just my own opinion) I am finding all this change very difficult. I found a way to make my mornings as stress free and relaxing as possible, so that I can be as calm as possible for those daunting phone calls, So when my manager said I had to also have these all team work zooms in the morning I panicked. I tried logging in, despite the anxiety and when everyone's faces came up on my screen I was so overwhelmed I just exited the app. I can't fucking do it :eek::(:(:( I had been tossing and turning the night before worrying about it and by the morning my panic was unbearable. So I decided, that since she had asked me just the day before if I would be willing to be the ASD/ADHD ambassador (a completely undefined role- I dunno- something about helping my colleagues understand the difference between working with neurotypical clients and autistic or adhd clients) that perhaps she might understand that I was not just being awkward, but that I was expressing a genuine difficulty I am facing. But her reply to me was basically that this is a required part of my work day now, that my colleagues find it helpful and reassuring in this time of isolation to see eachother and that I would miss important information if I did not attend. She emailed me this and sometimes she texts me or phones me....so why is fucking zoom the only way she can convey that information to me all of a sudden? and why are other people's needs to see eachothers faces, more important than my need to not be having a meltdown just before I attempt to have a call with my clients? I am so fucking done. This feels like a change too far to me and it doesn't seem unreasonable to me for her to information share during lockdown in the way she always has with me before. The current situation is I have dug my heels in and refused these meetings and now I feel like she is possibly gossiping about me or telling my boss that I am being awkward. They are expecting me to attend a 2 hour 'fun' zoom all staff quiz this afternoon and I'm terrified. It won't be fun, it will be awkward, stressful and possibly humiliating.
 
Clair De Lune said:
I'm having a fucking meltdown. I know if I type it out it will make me sound ridiculous. But here I am unable to get out of bed for my walk because I am shaking and sobbing over a dispute I am having with my manager over fricking zoom meetings. So I am already well out of my comfort zone by working from home and over the phone (phone phobic) but I am trying my best despite extreme anxiety. So I AM fulfilling my responsibilities. However my manager is insisting that I also attend morning zoom meetings with a number of colleagues every morning, just before I call my first client. Being ADHD diagnosed and with a high chance of also meeting ASD diagnosis (according to my psych also...not just my own opinion) I am finding all this change very difficult. I found a way to make my mornings as stress free and relaxing as possible, so that I can be as calm as possible for those daunting phone calls, So when my manager said I had to also have these all team work zooms in the morning I panicked. I tried logging in, despite the anxiety and when everyone's faces came up on my screen I was so overwhelmed I just exited the app. I can't fucking do it :eek::(:(:( I had been tossing and turning the night before worrying about it and by the morning my panic was unbearable. So I decided, that since she had asked me just the day before if I would be willing to be the ASD/ADHD ambassador (a completely undefined role- I dunno- something about helping my colleagues understand the difference between working with neurotypical clients and autistic or adhd clients) that perhaps she might understand that I was not just being awkward, but that I was expressing a genuine difficulty I am facing. But her reply to me was basically that this is a required part of my work day now, that my colleagues find it helpful and reassuring in this time of isolation to see eachother and that I would miss important information if I did not attend. She emailed me this and sometimes she texts me or phones me....so why is fucking zoom the only way she can convey that information to me all of a sudden? and why are other people's needs to see eachothers faces, more important than my need to not be having a meltdown just before I attempt to have a call with my clients? I am so fucking done. This feels like a change too far to me and it doesn't seem unreasonable to me for her to information share during lockdown in the way she always has with me before. The current situation is I have dug my heels in and refused these meetings and now I feel like she is possibly gossiping about me or telling my boss that I am being awkward. They are expecting me to attend a 2 hour 'fun' zoom all staff quiz this afternoon and I'm terrified. It won't be fun, it will be awkward, stressful and possibly humiliating.
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Ah, the Manager Enthusiastically Trying To Embrace Change. I've had to be careful not to be that person.

And enforced jollity is rarely anything other than shit.

(((Clair)))
 
Clair De Lune said:
... she had asked me just the day before if I would be willing to be the ASD/ADHD ambassador (a completely undefined role- I dunno- something about helping my colleagues understand the difference between working with neurotypical clients and autistic or adhd clients) that perhaps she might understand that I was not just being awkward, but that I was expressing a genuine difficulty I am facing. But her reply to me was basically that this is a required part of my work day now, that my colleagues find it helpful and reassuring in this time of isolation to see eachother and that I would miss important information if I did not attend...
Click to expand...
sounds like she could do with having someone in post who can train her up on neurodiversity in the workplace as well as in the client group :facepalm:

i'm honestly astounded that it has to be so hard :( sorry clair ((()))

someone mentioned a way of switching off the faces i think if it's that specifically that's unmanageable. but fuck the "fun" quiz in its (numerous) fucking faces :mad:
 
wayward bob said:
sounds like she could do with having someone in post who can train her up on neurodiversity in the workplace as well as in the client group :facepalm:

i'm honestly astounded that it has to be so hard :( sorry clair ((()))

someone mentioned a way of switching off the faces i think if it's that specifically that's unmanageable. but fuck the "fun" quiz in its (numerous) fucking faces :mad:
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...and the horse it rode in on...
 
Clair De Lune said:
I'm having a fucking meltdown. I know if I type it out it will make me sound ridiculous. But here I am unable to get out of bed for my walk because I am shaking and sobbing over a dispute I am having with my manager over fricking zoom meetings. So I am already well out of my comfort zone by working from home and over the phone (phone phobic) but I am trying my best despite extreme anxiety. So I AM fulfilling my responsibilities. However my manager is insisting that I also attend morning zoom meetings with a number of colleagues every morning, just before I call my first client. Being ADHD diagnosed and with a high chance of also meeting ASD diagnosis (according to my psych also...not just my own opinion) I am finding all this change very difficult. I found a way to make my mornings as stress free and relaxing as possible, so that I can be as calm as possible for those daunting phone calls, So when my manager said I had to also have these all team work zooms in the morning I panicked. I tried logging in, despite the anxiety and when everyone's faces came up on my screen I was so overwhelmed I just exited the app. I can't fucking do it :eek::(:(:( I had been tossing and turning the night before worrying about it and by the morning my panic was unbearable. So I decided, that since she had asked me just the day before if I would be willing to be the ASD/ADHD ambassador (a completely undefined role- I dunno- something about helping my colleagues understand the difference between working with neurotypical clients and autistic or adhd clients) that perhaps she might understand that I was not just being awkward, but that I was expressing a genuine difficulty I am facing. But her reply to me was basically that this is a required part of my work day now, that my colleagues find it helpful and reassuring in this time of isolation to see eachother and that I would miss important information if I did not attend. She emailed me this and sometimes she texts me or phones me....so why is fucking zoom the only way she can convey that information to me all of a sudden? and why are other people's needs to see eachothers faces, more important than my need to not be having a meltdown just before I attempt to have a call with my clients? I am so fucking done. This feels like a change too far to me and it doesn't seem unreasonable to me for her to information share during lockdown in the way she always has with me before. The current situation is I have dug my heels in and refused these meetings and now I feel like she is possibly gossiping about me or telling my boss that I am being awkward. They are expecting me to attend a 2 hour 'fun' zoom all staff quiz this afternoon and I'm terrified. It won't be fun, it will be awkward, stressful and possibly humiliating.
Click to expand...
It seems your manager has a terribly blinkered approach to this. If they understand the requirements for accepting diversity in the client group then they should be able to implement policy that supports neurodiversity in the staff. I would be unhappy about this situation and make some noise. It is resolvable and should not be putting you in this situation.
 
Getting increasingly fed up with the sheer lack of space here, there's just no room to do some of the projects I'd like to do (I'd like to make some plaster molds for slip casting ceramics when I finally get back to the studio) and the flat just feels to fucking small.

Thank fuck I have the allotment and the forest to break the stay indoors rule but still.

I probably should study or learn something but I just can't be fucked. My concentration increasingly sucks anyway.
 
Chilli.s said:
It seems your manager has a terribly blinkered approach to this. If they understand the requirements for accepting diversity in the client group then they should be able to implement policy that supports neurodiversity in the staff. I would be unhappy about this situation and make some noise. It is resolvable and should not be putting you in this situation.
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I've run up against similar annoyance - though not as personally challenging as Clair's - with managers. The problem, at least in my case, is that as a clinician being managed by non-clinicians, there's a vast gulf of perspective. We're used to fostering change through encouragement, support, finding strengths, etc. Too many managers, and especially those in the public sector, tend not to have the imagination or courage to "allow" things to go right, and tend to go for big carrots and bigger sticks.

Which, when you are trying to get someone to do something a long way out of their comfort zone, really, really doesn't work. In fact, it achieves the opposite: you may force them to co-operate under duress, but they're very unlikely indeed ever to buy in to what you're doing. And rightly so, in my view.
 
Good news. I spoke with my clinical supervisor and she was fuming on my behalf and helped calm me down. She then rang my manager and explained that reasonable adjustments must be made in respect of the neurodiversity of the staff as well as clients. She said my manager was very defensive at first and mentioned how she'd asked me to be the ambassador (I keep wanting ferrero rocher) like that made her look like she was diversity aware :facepalm:
She is a fucking legend. No more zoom meetings, no enforced 'fun' and she demanded I go sit in the garden till I stop shaking and sobbing. So I will.
 
Clair De Lune said:
Good news. I spoke with my clinical supervisor and she was fuming on my behalf and helped calm me down. She then rang my manager and explained that reasonable adjustments must be made in respect of the neurodiversity of the staff as well as clients. She said my manager was very defensive at first and mentioned how she'd asked me to be the ambassador (I keep wanting ferrero rocher) like that made her look like she was diversity aware :facepalm:
She is a fucking legend. No more zoom meetings, no enforced 'fun' and she demanded I go sit in the garden till I stop shaking and sobbing. So I will.
Click to expand...
Nice work on recruiting some support, there, Clair. Sounds like your manager needs to understand that diversity isn't just about ticking boxes and sticking a rainbow up on Pride Week :rolleyes:

ETA: this year, my college "line manager" (poor woman, having yours truly as a report) emailed round a little banner we could add to our emails. And then said, slightly tongue-in-cheek, "I notice you're not using our inclusivity banner on your email, existentialist...". To which I replied, completely deadpan, "No, you're right, I'm not" shutface

I think I'm just going to have to get used to working for people whom I'm not remotely frightened of, and who are generally slightly frightened of me. Bless 'em - with a little more insight, they'd know there's nothing to be frightened of, muahahaha.
 
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Clair De Lune said:
Wow. I spoke too soon. My manager did grass me up to my boss, who now believes I'm unfit to work...and so I'm being furloughed. All because I won't zoom.
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That's shit. But it's also an opportunity.

One thing I do think is going to come out of this pandemic is that a lot of people are going to take a long, hard look at what their workplaces were like both before, and during the whole lockdown process.

And I think a LOT of employers are going to be found wanting.
 
Clair De Lune said:
Wow. I spoke too soon. My manager did grass me up to my boss, who now believes I'm unfit to work...and so I'm being furloughed. All because I won't zoom.
Click to expand...
Wait, just like that? Strikes me that this is a potentially under appreciated problem with the furlough thing - I mean they couldn't just make you redundant under those circumstances, but they can use furlough to bully you.
 
Clair De Lune said:
I literally don't have the spoons to even reply to them right now. But it is frustrating as if I thought I was unfit to practice, I'd be the first person to raise it. It really feels like my manager has stuck the knife in cos I was rocking the boat and this might make her look bad if I were to take it further.
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Oh love :( I know this battle; the managers who think it's somehow possible for you to put the ADHD (and ASD) aside when they want you to do something that's just what they do, so everyone must. I've majorly lost my shit twice at them (pre-lockdown).

Can your clinical supervisor talk to HR? They can't just ignore the Equalities Act (I mean, I know they want to, but those words seem to spur on a different response).

Maybe see how you feel about it sometime after the weekend, and give yourself time to stock up on some spoons in the meantime?

Big hugs. xxx
 
Clair De Lune

:hmm: :( :mad:

subject to the disclaimer that i'm not a lawyer or a union rep, this all sounds extremely dubious.

to some extent, the detail of how furlough works is still being sorted out on the hoof.

but this is my trade union's advice on it all.

some highlights (my emphasis) -

"An employer will need to consult with employees about the situation and will need an employee’s consent to put them on furlough leave. "

"The employer will need to select those to be furloughed in a fair and non-discriminatory way. A selection process may be required."

"The employer will also have to agree with the employee if they propose to only pay 80% of their wage (limited to a maximum of £2500) rather than pay them their full wage. Placing an employee on furlough leave is a change to the employment contract, so agreement must be reached. "

"Placing an employee on furlough with reduced pay without consent is likely to be a breach of contract and an unlawful deduction from wages "

I'd seriously suggest talking to your trade union (if you have one) - failing that, then expect there are others round here who may be better equipped than me to assist in finding the appropriate way of telling your employer to get to fuck...
 
Hi Clair De Lune

Sorry to hear what you're going through.

I've been advised/reminded in the current situation by my union that no one has to obey an unreasonable instruction from an employer, ever. What is unreasonable will obviously depend on the employee - what is reasonable for one may be unreasonable for another.

It sounds like what you've been asked/instructed to do regarding Zoom etc is unreasonable for you, given your circumstances which your employer is aware of.

Try not to worry about it over the weekend, but it sounds as if they're in the wrong and there should be a straight-forward (ish) way to sort it out next week or whenever you're feeling up to it.
 
Clair De Lune said:
I'm having a fucking meltdown. I know if I type it out it will make me sound ridiculous. But here I am unable to get out of bed for my walk because I am shaking and sobbing over a dispute I am having with my manager over fricking zoom meetings. So I am already well out of my comfort zone by working from home and over the phone (phone phobic) but I am trying my best despite extreme anxiety. So I AM fulfilling my responsibilities. However my manager is insisting that I also attend morning zoom meetings with a number of colleagues every morning, just before I call my first client. Being ADHD diagnosed and with a high chance of also meeting ASD diagnosis (according to my psych also...not just my own opinion) I am finding all this change very difficult. I found a way to make my mornings as stress free and relaxing as possible, so that I can be as calm as possible for those daunting phone calls, So when my manager said I had to also have these all team work zooms in the morning I panicked. I tried logging in, despite the anxiety and when everyone's faces came up on my screen I was so overwhelmed I just exited the app. I can't fucking do it :eek::(:(:( I had been tossing and turning the night before worrying about it and by the morning my panic was unbearable. So I decided, that since she had asked me just the day before if I would be willing to be the ASD/ADHD ambassador (a completely undefined role- I dunno- something about helping my colleagues understand the difference between working with neurotypical clients and autistic or adhd clients) that perhaps she might understand that I was not just being awkward, but that I was expressing a genuine difficulty I am facing. But her reply to me was basically that this is a required part of my work day now, that my colleagues find it helpful and reassuring in this time of isolation to see eachother and that I would miss important information if I did not attend. She emailed me this and sometimes she texts me or phones me....so why is fucking zoom the only way she can convey that information to me all of a sudden? and why are other people's needs to see eachothers faces, more important than my need to not be having a meltdown just before I attempt to have a call with my clients? I am so fucking done. This feels like a change too far to me and it doesn't seem unreasonable to me for her to information share during lockdown in the way she always has with me before. The current situation is I have dug my heels in and refused these meetings and now I feel like she is possibly gossiping about me or telling my boss that I am being awkward. They are expecting me to attend a 2 hour 'fun' zoom all staff quiz this afternoon and I'm terrified. It won't be fun, it will be awkward, stressful and possibly humiliating.
Click to expand...
Cover the screen with a sheet of paper so you don't have to look at them and smeer a bit of vaseline over your camera if you want to avoid their evil eye. Everyone will think it's just a dodgy connection and you'll just have to suffer a normal mind-numbing confrence call
 
Clair De Lune said:
Wow. I spoke too soon. My manager did grass me up to my boss, who now believes I'm unfit to work...and so I'm being furloughed. All because I won't zoom.
Click to expand...
Oh Clair, what the fuck! I liked your post about your supervisor before I’d read to the end. You’ve been given some good advice about the legality of this.

It’s baffling that in professions like ours that we still have to come up against this sort of bullshit, surely there should be more awareness and understanding.
I hope it gets sorted out in a way that doesn’t ask too much of you.xx
 
Really sorry to hear about this Clair De Lune :(
What Puddy_Tat posted makes a lot of sense, but even if you aren't/can't be in a TU ...
I also think very much this :

two sheds said:
What you put above I think needs to go in writing .... "Just to confirm ...." :mad:
Click to expand...

Was the the furlough message delivered to you by phone or by email?
If by phone especially, and anyway, asking (by email) for confirmation of details might? provoke a rethink by the boss (OK that's probably unlikely, but you never know)
And in any case, you'll need the details in writing so as to make it that bit easier to challenge them when you feel up to it.

Oh yes, what Mation suggested on seeing whether your clinical supervisor can help, sounded like a sound idea.

Hope all these posts are not overwhelming you, but we're all trying to send you support and best wishes!! Good luck! :)
 
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